Dad says he's ready to move (sort of). Need to help him figure out how to start making the move. Memory problems, mobility issues, respritory problems. 15 pills per day. House is a burden. Lives alone 5 states away, won't move here.

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Find Care & Housing
Cvilardo, You have just described the situation exactly that I experienced with my parents. I saw "signs" and "signals" letting me know that they were getting weaker as they got older and inevitably one of them would fall, or some crisis would occur which would necessitate a move. My husband and I wanted to move them ahead of such a scenario (which sounds like you too). A friend once told me, in frank but loving terms: "It's only going to get worse." She was a nurse who also had an aging mother. I'm afraid that this has turned out to be the case with both my parents. I've read on this site where people recommend getting in-home help, as opposed to moving the elder. You could look into this also as an option. If you are decided on having your father move, then you need to continue to gently bring up the topic and allow him to explore and process this idea. It is a process and the senior needs time to adjust to the reality of needing to move. You could also begin investigating possibilities of living arrangements in his, with phone calls, and with visit. Eventually you could bring your father with you on a visit , have lunch there, meet with a representative, and so on. In my father's case, the fender benders were a sign that he needed to stop driving, and a relative stepped in and helped us tell him this. Good luck.

Have been talking to dad about moving for th past year. He still gets out and about to church, sr. center, social gatherings and drives for meals on wheels. He can live independently at this point but with bad knees and lungs I worry about him having to live on 3 floors. I don't know how ready he is to move. I worry about his safety at home. He is very forgetful, has become somewhat overly paranoid about nearly everything. He falls asleep by 6pm because he has no one to talk to. He's had a couple of fender benders, and admits he doesn't like cooking for himself. I've offered to come and help him start downsizing but he doesn't want to sell anything until he's ready to move, which could still be months away. He wants me to help clean up his gardens so he's not embarrassed about how his place looks. The inside is spotless thanks to some help and his desire for cleanliness. I've talked to him about independent housing, he's checked out several, but won't fill out paperwork to get on waiting list. Where do I go for help to get him to consider downsizing and moving sooner rather than later for his own safety.

You are fortunate that your father has initiated the process of looking into moving out of his house so that he won't feel as if you are coercing him into doing this. You can research senior communities in his area by going online and googling key words and phrases having to do with "senior living communities". Also you can call a local hospital in his area for information. You will need to look into what the costs will be, because some of these places cost far more than others. There is an organization called National Association of Senior Move Managers, which has a website online. For a fee, they can assist you with the move.

You have a tough situation. 5 states away?
Are there family & freinds able to help with the transition or will you be traveling?
Is he a social guy? Being around people, peers, especially his age, really helps.
My Dad felt I was warehousing him into independent living, until he met many of the other residents who had much in common.

Trying to encourage him to make the move from familiar territory is a challenge itself.

Some areas have teams of people who, for a price, will assist with downsizing. That was my nightmare. A house of memories, many mine, sorted out ~ saving the simple things he will require now.
Letting go of 54 years of marriage with 4 grown kids.

Does he currently need or have assistance with his meds? Does he still drive?

Dad did while living at his apt. for years. Not far, but enough to feel independent. As his abilities declined he recognised other seniors who shouldn't be on the road, & surrendered his own keys.

Tell us more?
I have my own personal experience & those other people that became our friends in his new dwelling. Activities & meals provided. A welcome relief!
Other people on this wonderful site have lots to offer!
Stay tuned?


This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter