I know so many well-intentioned folks on the forum told me to avoid moving Dad in with me like the plague, but I can honestly say... I'm SO happy with my decision.
It's NOT EASY, and I'm sure it will get harder as his condition continues to decline. I'm not opposed to moving him to a NH when it gets to the point where I absolutely can't manage his needs anymore, but things are... good... as can be expected.
1) Overall, my stress level has gone WAY down. I was spending SO much time going behind the AL staff and worrying about things that they SHOULD have been doing (helping with incontinence, plugging in his oxygen, reminding him of meals, etc.) Now that I'm managing all of that, we have a LOT less challenges.
2) Dad is happier and gaining weight (it helps that he likes the food and that I can be more on top of what he's eating)
3) Dad's VA disability now covers ALL of his expenses and then some. NO MORE SECOND JOB FOR ME!!!!
I'm learning a lot. Dad has...interesting sleeping patterns (typical with dementia I think). I can now stop him before he takes off all of his clothes in the mornings leading to incontinence accidents (he wants so much to change his own clothes. We pick them out together)
4)... and I look forward to our morning coffee every morning and hearing the same story about 15 times. I'm getting moments that I won't be able to get back at the end.
... and the cutest thing so far... he has the freshest breath EVER. He forgets that he's brushed his teeth already and brushes them again. I don't correct him. There are worst things he could be repeating.
Of course, I could melt down tomorrow over this little stressor or that little stressor, but this was right for my peace of mind, Dad's happiness and THE WALLET. It's not awful.