Two years ago my recently retired husband and I moved out of state to move into my mother's house. My father's been gone 10 years. My mother is 81, has had some health issues, but for the most part is in good health. She still drives. She lived alone for 10 years after my dad's passing. I have severe fibrymyalgia (am on permanent disability) and was not able to handle the stairs in our home. My mother's home is all on one level and is handicapped "friendly" due to my father's illnesses. She also informed us that she was beginning to run low on funds, having had sole responsibility of the house and all its expenses for ten years. So, we took the plunge, put our house on the market, and moved out of state two years ago to move in with her.
It hasn't been all bad, most days it works well. Two of the biggest problems are that 1) it's still "her" house, and 2) my husband tends to hold onto things. He's not as far gone as a hoarder, it's just that he grew up in a financially deprived household, and was raised with the thought that it's better to hold onto something, you may need it. My mother, on the other hand, hates any kind of clutter. She'll throw things out just because they're "in the way," whether it's something she'll use or not. My husband has pulled event tickets and even envelopes containing cash out of her recycling trash. As for me, I'm smack in the middle of them, trying to explain him to her, and her to him.
And what doesn't help at all is my overall relationship with my mother. If I tell you she says, "I'm the parent, and you're the child, and that's one thing that will never change!" does that give you a clue? I'm 62 years old, and she can make me feel like a 10 year old with absolutely no effort. I don't feel like we're 3 adults living in this house -- we're two kids living in HER home.
We need to make this work -- our home in another state, while not "sold," is unavailable to us to move back in to. The arguments are beginning to come more frequently. Of course it's also causing tension between my husband and I, which isn't pleasant.
Does anyone have any advice for us on how to handle (live through) this situation?