Mother died 8-1-2012, I loved her but never felt the bond, I would say most women have with their mothers. She never taught me to cook, clean, make a household schedule but had time for others and work.
I have a lot of resentment and feel guilty now that she's gone, However she did apologize for not teaching me to cook, be a mother...a lot of things I've had to learn from Aunts and even my wonderful mother in law whom I dearly miss and loved
I'm in therapy due to this and sexual abuse from both parents, cousins, and uncles.
I've had so much anger and resentment in my life and all I wanted to do was grow old gracefully and die a peaceful death. I realize this is still possible and therapy is helping a lot.
What I came to grips with today was, looking back at "my mothers" young life, she didn't have anyone to help her. Her mother had to work because the "sob" (as my mother put it) ran off and left 5 kids and a wife with no husband. However my mother was raised in a convent, so she did have some structure in her life.
Such as it is today, thinking of her roaming the streets, a mother unable to care for her, it's come to light that now I understand why things turned out like they did.
God has a reason for everything in our lives. It's not on our time, but his. The most difficult time is waiting to understand and accept so the anger will (and has) left my body and soul.
Thank Everyone who has taken the timed to read this passage. Be still my heart.