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Dad has dementia. Mom is an alcoholic. My mother was unable to care for him and was becoming verbally abusive toward him. I had to move my dad into memory care early last year. Mom continues to drink and is very nasty and bitter. I can barely be around her for more than about 15 minutes. She seems to want everyone around her to be miserable as well. I no longer view her as my mother, she is just a nasty old woman that I am now responsible for. The thought of "mother's day" makes me a little ill at this point. Anybody else have such a lovely family dynamic?? How do you handle mother's day? I don't have children, so mother's day in that regard is not part of my deal. I am an only child and my parents have alienated all other family members and friends. It's just us and my poor husband.

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About ten years ago, I'd had enough of doing the big family dinner, honoring the mothers, and being exhausted on what was also my MDay. One year, we went to high tea. A couple years, one of the kids hosted a bbq on Saturday, since they know my idea of a fine MDay is a whole day in the garden. Now that I have adult daughters, I'm ticked that the mothers never snapped to the idea that I was a mother too, and would've liked the day off.
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I have the same problem about the card. I've given up on it, actually. I just bring over a plant or flower arrangement and mumble "Happy Mothers Day" while coming through the door.
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Linda, you are so right about how hard it is finding an appropriate card. So many are so gush-y, which is entirely inappropriate for my mother.
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For me, the struggle is the card for my mom. None of them fit and it reminds me once a year of what never was. I usually get a fancy popup one that my mom can see better and they're usually a bit simple in wording. I really dislike this day - the expectations, the effort that goes for naught.
Nothing I do will make her less unhappy so on Saturday, I'll take her for a little ride in the country (so I don't have to risk multiple transfers), get her a sandwich to eat in the car and some flowers for her room. I'll spend Sunday in the garden and the kids will probably pop in. Their gifts or cards are sweet and appreciated, but I don't need a Hallmark day to know they love me.
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I posted a discussion on aging care last week about being a Mother’s Day hater. It was nice when a few people responded kindly and had empathy for my feelings. I really detest the day, maybe not for the same situation or reasons you’re dealing with, but can see your side as well. I just try to get through the day as well and quickly as possible. This year I have the added crap of my MIL doing a really sorry thing to my husband and son a few days ago, so though we’ve never been very close, there are now certainly no warm fuzzies toward her this year. I hope your day goes as well as possible, and we all have peace
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I am a mom and i hate Mother's Day. My mom puts a ton of pressure on us to make it a "special" day - think sentimental card, lunch out at an expensive place with her as guest of honor, corsage to wear, a bouquet of flowers, expensive gift - to be opened at the lunch for everyone to notice.

Luckily she lives several hours away. Once my son was born - i gently told her that there would be some mother's days where she would get a call. [yes flowers, and cards, but i grit teeth and send them] World War 3 ensues every year that we don't make the trip. But this year - my DH, DS, and I are playing golf and having a casual lunch at the golf course. I enjoy my guys, enjoy being outside playing golf, and will not this year be gritting teeth and counting minutes until the fiasco of mothers day lunch is over.
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Acknowledge that your best mother is your own ability to take care of your own heart and self. You are your own best mother. Celebrate that. Buy yourself flowers and treat yourself to something you enjoy.
Happy Real Mothers Day!
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Ahmijoy, yes, mom was in a mental health center (voluntarily) for about 10 days earlier this year. She is not following through with the psychiatrist or the AA meetings that were set up for her. Her attitude is that she is old and gonna die soon anyway. She is 76 and her own mother lived to 96. Her defeatist attitude has so negatively impacted my dementia dad (I think it sped up his decline) and myself, and to a lesser extent my husband.

CarlaCB you are so right :( The usual mother's day for me the past few years is gritting my teeth to make the day happen (holding my breath all day) and then going on Facebook and seeing my friends posing with their pretty and well-dressed moms, out somewhere nice for dinner. My mom looks like a bag lady most of the time and sports a scowl 24/7.
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OMG, I feel for you, Upstream. My family dynamic is not as awful as yours, but I too feel the "Ugh" about Mother's Day. Many of our mothers, at this point, are nothing like the image of the mother that society's expecting us to celebrate. Many of them are needy, difficult, demanding, and even nasty as your mother is. It's bad enough that we have to take care of them but to be expected to celebrate them? Ugh is right.
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I truly believe this is a case of “media hype”. We mom’s are bombarded from the week after Valentine’s Day with jewelry ads, perfume ads, restaurant ads, flower bouquet ads, on and on, all to “honor mom on her day”. To my way of thinking, in my case at least, if my kids can’t honor and respect me for the other 364 days of the year, what makes this day so special?

There is nothing that says, if you don’t have that daughterly feeling toward your mother, there’s nothing worse than trying to “fake it” one day a year. Chances are Mom doesn’t realize it’s Mother’s Day anyway. It’s just another Sunday.

Just an aside here and you didn’t ask, but have you given any thoughts to a psych evaluation for Mom? You sound like you are very burned out and need a break. It sounds like Mom is having a toxic and detrimental effect on you and hubby. Any chances that Mom could be placed in a facility as well? She’ll probably fight it like a wildcat, but there comes a time when we have to look out for ourselves.
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Another day on the calendar  of life  as far as I'm concerned
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