My mother with dementia wants to support my heroin-addict lowlife brother.


Brother is underemployed, constantly dumping his problems onto Mom, stressing her out, despite sis and my request to stop it. She reacts w/ great agitation and I'm afraid she will have a stroke. She is very controlling, thinks she's always right, insists I support him now with her money. Her judgment is WAY off when it comes to enabling him, which she has done off and on for years. I am in charge of all the finances. We've been trying to keep "the wolf" from the door by sending him small amts of cash to keep him reasonably satisfied. Very afraid that he will take her to a new atty to write a new will. We have a clearly defined Trust set up, this was done years ago with great care by both Mom and Dad. Dad is now deceased; he was our rock. Brother, after Mom's passing, will get $2K/mo for the rest of his life, but cannot access the principal. She is in a highend assisted living apartment, safe there, but he can come and go as he pleases. I am at my wit's end, balancing these two crazy people and all the damage they can potentially do.

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I've had two siblings on heroin. Drinking goes with the territory. The police can help, I promise you! When you suspect there is about to be a DUI, call the cops. Alert the facility staff that he is a narcotics addict, and they should keep an eye on him. They will pay attention, you better believe it. It is horrifying to have to deal with. My heart goes out to you. But having lived it, I found that the more people who KNEW there was an addiction and an untrustworthy person coming around, the better for everyone. Addiction is more destructive when it's hidden or when people think that they would be rude to be concerned or say anything. People need permission to see something and say something. And Brother can either know it ahead or discover it in the moment. Both ways work. Good luck!

Thanks, bilmo2012... Brother, we think, is currently off heroin but he is still an addict, that never changes. I shd have clarified. Sis and I think he is using alcohol and pot now but no proof... He lives 60 miles away. We are terrified that he will go back on heroin, especially if he gets his hands on a large sum of money. We expect him to use again, just a matter of time based on his past. The key issue here is, he's stressing out Mom who is then stressing me out with her crazy demands, anger at me, threats. I have just contacted a new Elder Law atty, may be able to get guardianship.