Life with a Manifest Narcissist, is always - interesting -. As a child, my Father was the buffer between my Mother and I. As a close friend recently said, by age 12, I -GotIt-, by 15 I pretty much just avoided being home as much as possible. I met my husband by age 20, so was rarely home at all. I was One Of The Lucky Ones. I was happy. Had A wonderful Childhood. BECAUSE, My Dad had the Magic Slight Of Hand To Spin Things Positively. I'm the oldest.
My Mother would give me gifts, dolls and clothes for them she made, for holidays such as Christmas. By New Years, they were gone, given away to cousins with the comment that, " Well, she's such a TomBoy, she doesn't Want Them. " THAT, Is A HUGE MN Way: Create YOU, For You. Define YOU, As THEY Want To. Sadly, Rarely, Is That Creation "A Positive". OK, I'm a TomBoy, defined as I wore shoes as infrequently as possible. Defined as spending time playing in makeup and hairdos wasn't my thing. I just wanted to go out and play. I had to be an adult, to realize, I'm not really A TomBoy. I'm just not a "diva". AND, I admit, I'm not partial to pink. My Mother bought me a pretty pink dress, to go to a party. I was at the front door. Ready To Go. She said I looked like a tramp. Literally, ripped it off of me. Tore it into pieces, and tossed it in the trash can. I was 13. I missed the party. My Dad traveled a lot for work. Her Story when he returned, I wanted to wear a BadDress. Implied, I'd bought it with babysitting money.Life, when you are the -Scapegoat- in the world of The MN Mom, is always a - War Exercise-. Children aren't equipped to play. We do learn how to duck and cover though. Our Failure As A Worthy Opponent, brings the sneer of justifying their contempt. I'd tell my Dad TheTruth. His answer was always the same. " I Know ". " It's Alright ". She DOES Love You. Just Be Patient. Be The Good Girl I Know You Are. As a teen, if I stayed out past curfew, I was automatically pronounced " A Tramp ". MUST Be -OutThere- Doing BadThings. My Mother regaled the entire family with TallTales, of my never ending Bad Behaviour. Always cloaked in, She's OhSoWorriedAboutMe. It was tough to -change-. I wasn't DOING Too Much That WAS Wrong. The minute, as very young children, my sister said, " She's Pickin On Me. ( Oddly, I Don't Think I EVER actually did ...) My Mother Became Her Defender. IE, My Sister Became - TheGoldenChild-. Just that quickly. Just That Easily. My Mother Built The Wall Between Us. My brothers were younger. They Just Didn't Notice. My Mother kept the perfect home. Was a nurse. A Very Good Nurse. It was unfortunate, I noticed, was a choice based on gleaning TheRespect. The actual patients disgusted her. Her stories always included their - shortcomings-, as well as their families. When something is 100% of the time, how can 100% of patients be awful. 100% of their families be terrible. SHE would ALWAYS - HaveToFIXIt. -
When I married, my Dad whispered in my ear, " You KNOW, This Isn't About YOU. It's About Your Mother. Let Her Do It. It's Important To Her. " YES, My Mother Can Plan An Incredible Wedding. When my children were born, she was WONDERFUL. PERFECTION Born.
The True Nature Of A MN Mom: As Long As You Present THEM WELL, DO As THEY Think You Should, To Project The Proper Image, thus, giving THEM, The JobWellDone Kudos, Life can Be ...Quieter ...The snide comments don't stop. The " I'm WORRIED " started conversations, if you choose blue instead of green, WILL CAUSE, -Me- Problems, when the reality is, THEY Don't Think The World Would Approve. SAY, The World Doesn't Care Either Way, is Cause for tears, you don't appreciate All I DO For YOU...TheMN Mom, has to then dial the phone till their fingers tire. Tell Everyone They Know, How AWFUL It is, That You Aren't...Listening...To Their Helpful Advice...Such A Crushing Blow...After All They've Done. The KEY Marker, The MN Mom, NEVER, Ever, EVER, SAYS, " GoodJob". " I'm Proud Of You " The World Can be throwing plaques at you for success. The BEST, You'll Ever Get Is, " That's Nice ", followed by, Your Sister Just Got A New Car!!! The MN Mom is hidden much of the time. The Appearance is a " WorriedMother". The Reality is, she's watching. Every detail. For ANYTHING that, in her mind, doesn't Present HER Well. Hugs are quick, pull away even quicker, as if you smell bad. The MN Mom always seems slightly annoyed. Her patience with you, is almost always too much for her too bear. YOU spend your life wondering what the heck ya did................
Just as most personality traits are on a BellCurve, The MN Mom isn't ALL, ALL The Time. The fleeting moments of wonderful, can be overshadowed by the wondering of sincerity or, manufactured. THEY will NEVER understand putting THAT on you. The child of a MNM, is almost like a puppy. Will I be petted, or hit. So many times, is both. You find yourself standing still. Waiting.