Dementia mother living with daughter. Makes herself nervous and starts to shake. My mother's dementia behavior is getting very tiresome. She has been living with us for a year now. I don't know how my hubby and I have survived so far - this is more than tough. Mother's conversations are 95% negative, wants to go home, doesn't want to live with us. Would rather kill herself if she can't live in her own home. She is disabled (body totally worn out). Can barely use a walker, needs help getting in out of wheel chair, bed, dressing, bathing, making meals. Sometimes she can't remember what was said 5 minutes ago. But! Thinks she could do all of this. Sometimes she doesn't even know where she is.

My husband and I are worn out. We have a caregiver for her for 5-7 hours a day so I can work (I have full time job). My husband quit working because he is taking care of her at night so I can do my day job.

We feel unappreciated for all that we have given up and have lost to take care of her. Our health is going to pot and her's has gotten better. We take very good care of her. Someone is with her 1 on 1 24/7.

I'm tired of feeling like my life is going down the drain. I know I will miss her someday, but I miss my "old mother" now. This new model is someone I don't know. We could deal with this if she could only be positive but it is always negative. I'm the chief cook and bottle washer 24/7. We don't get days off. We are passing up life and I am beginning to feel for what!

She was on head meds and got physically and mentally debilitated from them. She is much stronger without them.

She's a pretty demanding person and always speaks her mind and is not always very complimentary.

I'm frustrated, angry, tired, and becoming very unhealthy in all ways. And this is Mother's Day of all things.

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She might have had the wrong meds for her - maybe there is another option. Is the doctor who put her on them even aware they did not work out? Depression may still be treatable. She might need half or even quarter of usual doses. Everything you are describing is par for the course in dementia - mostly the unreasonable part, and that may not be treatable.

If different meds are not an option, there are some dietary things that help improve mood a little for some people. Apple juice, cranberry juice, coconut products, maybe even chocolate. Treat any infections or sources of pain as well...and yes, get any respite you possibly can.

My heart goes out to you and your husband. You sound like you've reached the end of your rope and your coping skills are all but gone. I hope you can place her in respite care, catch your breath, gain some perspective again, and come up with a change in plans to care for your mum, if needed. Maybe just a few days or a week away from her will be enough to recharge and maintain the course your on. You definitely need a break.

Is assited living a possibility for mom? Is either that or some in home respite care so you can get your life back.

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