My 83 year old mother lives with me and is very controlling.

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I took my mother in to live with us 7 years ago. She is very negative, and cries if we leave the house. If she does not get her way she says she is in the way and not part of our family and says to put her in a home. I feel trapped and can`t spend alone time with my husband and 2 kids..We take her everywhere with us because she will pout and say we are leaving her out..Someone help me!

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I think talking to a couselor would benefit you and help alleviate the unnecessary guilt you are feeling. Your mother is well able to get around by herself since she still drives - she can have a fuller life if she chooses. There will time enough later on in her life for you to do more for her, when she is physically unable to do for herself. You will have no regrets about taking care of her in ways she needs, but if you shortchange yourself and your family, you will have lots of regret about that.
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stacielee, yes, do it for you but also do it for your family. Take back your family time, your husband time. Mom needs to butt out. If you want to go out with your husband, your mom doesn't need to tag along. Do stuff with your kids or you will regret letting these years pass without one on one time with them. Life is full of regrets or missed opportunities. I don't know anyone who says their life was or is perfect. Limit your time with mom, set your boundaries, take back control. You will be surprised at how happier you and your family will be.
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Wow...Madge1...You are right, She is the only person who can make herself happy and it is selfish of her to expect me to do it for her,,It is time I live for me!!!
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I have to chuckle a little at the "make me happy" thing. I remember my husband and I buying my mother a nice Bose CD player, sending her CDs of music from the 40's and then my daughter sent her a big box of Godiva chocolates. She said to me how much she loved them all and how she sat down and ate about half the box and listened to the music, "and I was happy, for a little while."
Talk about raining on your parade.

Then one time when I had caught her in a big lie and asked her about it. She just changed the subject and told me, "why don't you just call me up (she never calls me) and try and make me happy".

You see, there is no making these type of people happy. Happiness comes from within. It is like dying, no one can do it for you. :)
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Is there a reason you cannot see a counselor? You are not happy with the current state of affairs and if it cannot change then then only thing you can change is you. At 83 it is unlikely your mother will change. I think sometimes we get "stuck" is because we do not know what else to do, say, or think. And often we are too frazzled to come up with a different idea on our own. But by baby steps with help it can happen. I hope some socialization helps her, but let us know what you do to help you, ok?
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Not having ANY regrets is a pretty high standard. Knowing that you did the best you could, with a mistake or omission here or there is a little more reasonable.
Please give yourself a little credit for all that you do.
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No reason that Mom will go to a therapy;
she has you under her control. YOU can go to learn how to cope with her, what to say and why you feel you have to make her happy or you will have regrets. You may never feel that you did enough unless you have some counseling, no matter how much you do for Mom.
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Hi There all, Yes for some reason I feel it is my job to make my mom happy, I simply don`t want any regrets that I will have to live with after she is gone from this earth.I have tried to get her to takl to a therapist..she said that I think she is crazy..so no point in pushing that idea.. I did sign her up at church for the 55 and up group at church today..It may be a start in the right direction...We will see..Thanks all, Stacie
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How wonderful you are willing to share your home and life with her. You sound a lot like my daughter having a loving, caring heart. How much "care" does your mom really need? Do you feel you are responsible for your mother's happiness? And does she use this to manipulate you? Happiness is our own choice. Your mother has the right to be as miserable or happy as she wants. If she suffers from clinical depression there are medications that can make a world of difference. Has she been professionally assessed? And perhaps a bit of therapy would help you come up with some new coping solutions. Maybe mom and you can go together. Trick is finding the right therapist. Family therapist might be the way to go since this seems to be affecting your other family relationships as well. Best wishes.
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We (human beings) do believe that people can make other people happy or unhappy. In reality, to quote Abe Lincoln, "People are just about as happy as they decide to be." Your mother has gotten you to believe that her unhappiness is your fault. It isn't, not unless you spend time sticking pins into her. Part of you thinks that you shouldn't be happy because your mother isn't happy. The truth is that if you are happy, you can give her more love and better care.
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