If we don't do what she wants she works herself up and calls an ambulance for attention, she knows we will drop everything and go see her then , i am at her place everday im not working and when im not there my brother or sister is , but when she phones which is all the time and we dont drop everything and go see her she will cfreate havoc in emergency

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What are your mother's health issues? Specifically, does she have dementia or any cognitive limitations? If she does, I think she needs more monitoring, perhaps in a memory care setting. A person with dementia who calls ambulances needs some close supervision! My husband went through a period when called the sheriff frequently, but fortunately he couldn't real dial the phone!

If Mom is "in her right mind" then I agree with Jessie and FF. I'm sure your behavior is done in love (and maybe a little guilt) but it really isn't good for Mom to succeed with her bullying tactics. She could be there another 10, 15, or even 20 years. You have to stop letting her manipulate her, for her sake as well as yours.

Has she actually called an ambulance more than once? Or did she do it once and now that is a threat hanging over your head?

What if you explained to the health director (sometimes don) at the ALF that if they call an ambulance for her they are to call you, too, and you will immediately go to the ER, but if Mom calls the ambulance herself, with no supervision from staff, that you will wait until the ER makes a decision. If they are sending her right back to the ALF, you will let the ALF staff handle the situation.

Let her create havoc. Not your circus, not your monkey. ALF can deal with it ... and they wlll try to deal with it in such a way as to discourage it from happening again.

Mothers77, good heavens your Mom is very young to be in Assisted Living.

I agree with Jessie above, time to back off on all the visits. My Dad, who is 94, lives in Independent Living with Assisted Living options. I visit maybe twice a week for about a half hour.

What type of health issues does she have? I see she is in AL, so I wondered why it was important to visit her so much. I would try to wean her off the visits. If she pitches a fit and has a tantrum, she will still be well cared for. I have a feeling that since she gets so many visits, she hasn't felt the need to socialize. Her bullying tactics are getting the socialization she needs. For your own sanity, I would say to pull back some and not to reward her tactics. We feel so responsible and when they get angry with us, we feel like naughty children. We're not, but it's hard to shake that feeling. If you are like me, I end up mad at both my mother and myself (for getting mad).

Your mother isn't very old, so she may be around for a few more years. She really does need to get her own life and not depend so much on yours and your siblings. IMO, every day is too often!

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