Mother-in-Law (77) increasingly belligerent

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And she's mad at me again.

She is an only child and I married her son who is also an only child. He is a well-regarded physician who is never home (and I mean never) and who is killing himself working (I suspect part of this is so he doesnt have to deal with her). We have three kids, all in high school.

MIL had something wrong with her before she started her recent round of belligerence, BPD/NPD/something. She's always been odd with no friends, no filter, she looks odd (dyed hair either in tiny poofy perm sitting on top her head or grey hair down to her bra strap worn in a pony tail) and has always been miserable and demanding.

She was mad at me in October: actually screamed at me on the phone (something about something with a "you look here missy") (I hung up) and then she was mad at me in December (something about something) and now she is mad at me again: this time, joy of joys, she posted sarcastic sh*t on my Facebook wall and her wall. (Don't you just love Facebook for this?)

She's mad because she isn't getting the attention she feels she deserves to have from me. (I'm her main contact point) And do you know why I can't give her the attention she feels she deserves to have? Because 2 of my 3 kids spiraled with mental health issues in 2015; one having debilitating panic attacks and one with either an emerging diagnosis or an overlooked one (like high functioning autism).

Since May, my life has been hell trying to fix my kids. They both had difficult issues that required many doctor appointments, many meds, many side effect from meds, many med changes, and many therapy appts to go with ghe doctor appointments.

My son is a senior in high school and was dual enrolled in 9 hours of university classes, so I had to learn all the material so I could reteach it to him in the evenings (im a retired teacher); I also had to drive him to most classes. Once I ws in an appointment with him to get the ADA accommodations set up and my daughter called me because she was at school having a giant panic attack.

Let me post this and come back to finish

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Ack. That keep coming out as high falutin and arrogant and I don't mean it to. she is at the bottom of both my list and Dh's list of who takes precedence in order of importance).....

ah, I hope you all get what i mean.


And yes, I do think she is scared and I suspect more is happening than she is telling us.
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(So he doesn't have much quality time at home and for her because he also has to take care of himself with down time, etc etc etc).
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Ah. Ok. The psych availability here is ridiculously bare. My kids's psych no longer sees clinic and so they now see a MHNP (mental health nurse practioner). There are no geriatric psychs here. She does not see elderly patients. We would have to bring her 1-3 hours away. There is a neuro-psych at a teaching hospital 3 hours away but she sees clinic only every other Friday. my son has supposedly been having an appointment with her on January 8, but apparently your appointment is only a suggestion and your appointment rolls as needed, so he has been pushed back to March. They are also not very interested in seeing us since we are 3 hours away and they would rather us find help closer to home.

It's insane. It's unacceptable. Even with Dh's connections, we can't pull stings here because of a complete lack of coverage in our state.

(And the point I was making about DH and "well regarded" is that he is busy, in high demand and is in a transition as his private practice is about to get bought out by the hospital.... Just making the point that he is super busy and important and needed in our community)
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Another thought; get her to go see the psychiatrist who is treating your KIDS, because her input could be quite valuable to THEIR treatment. Sometimes you have to get people into treatment through the back door. "And if you'll just take these tablets, Mrs. H, we might be able to see if they'll work on your grandchildren"
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Ah, one of those (won't go to doctor types, I mean). She's clearly got dementia. Read everything you can about it and understand that in addition to the mental illness she suffers, she's also scared to death. Get her son, the well regarded physician, to find a charming geriatric psychiatrist who will see her "as a favor to her well regarded son" She may accept the professional courtesy.
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Of course she won't go to a doctor. There's nothing wrong with her, it's YOU, blah, blah, blah ... been there, done that.
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No. She won't go to any appointments. You can't even bring it up.
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Has she been diagnosed with dementia?
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Oh, about meds:

That's what the first rage/screaming phone call was about recently. I found out she had stopped taking her Cymbalta cold turkey (which is worse of a withdrawal than Paxil). I was trying to communicate the risks of doing that to her (obviously communication is strained and a one way street based on what she wants to hear). She somehow took it as a dig from me that she needs medicine and something something something but it ended with her raging at me about it and trying to blame me for it.

I have also mentioned a sitter before and she will have none of that.

i also find her behaviors are much worse when she eats lots of sugar. When I go over there, I see old cake and pie containers, etc.
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Thank you all for having my back. It was such a relief to see replies and understanding.

I had just turned her back on FB lol!!! Yes, she will get turned off again.

Random points, thoughts based on the replies:

DH is doing better about handling her instead of me. I laid down that this fall-- she's your mom, you deal with her. He is taking her this weekend for an overnight visit to their city of origin. I don't know how this will go for him since he has to take a xanax to even talk to her on the phone.

I have several years of therapy under my belt from having to deal with my family of origin (FOO). I know all about FOG and JADE (mentally ill, stalker sister, enabling mother)... Just got a bit rusty perhaps. Its been good reading on here to be reminded of how to set and maintain boundaries.

MIL needs to win most pathetic life of all. You know. Its never enough and its never going to be enough. I try to keep my kids away from her because she is a jerk and triggers their anxieties. She is a woman-child.

She doesn't comprehend that we are now middle aged and she is elderly. Oftentimes (her birthday soon) she tries to state that we are the same age, and she'll make a dig about how I'm as old as her, etc.

As for birthday presents, she always wanted a Pandora bracelet because her friend has one. My goodness, there is no better way to spend a ton of money and have nothing to show for it. Between christmas and her birthday, I have spent wdll over 300.00 and she now had 4 charms, a bracelet and a safety chain. but, at least I can just get online and order them, so not a lot of sweat for me.

Oh this reminds me, we have never celebrated grandparents day and is just gets her riled up that we don't acknowledge it. (I know no one who does). So I finally said, ok look... Pick one: mother's day or grandparents day. You choose. You all already knew the answer, right? She wants both. Lol. I hate mother's day because of her.

I am trying to find some time for me to have space alone, and it looks like this weekend I will be by myself in my own home!
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