Mother in law has trouble with short term memory. Can't take care of her apartment. Any advice?

I think Mom is probably content having you come and clean for her. Maybe it’s her way of showing you she’s the boss. So, stop doing it. When she complains her apartment needs clearning, shrug your shoulders and tell her you’re busy. Then always be busy. If she persists, print out a list of housecleaners and give it to her. Unless the paper plate has food on it that will attract cockroaches, leave it. You can only be used if you let yourself be, right?

She had a lady that cleaned for her. She said I don't need then. I can do it. She did nothing. Hired another younger girl. Then complained that the girl can't clean. Again another lady was going to help and she called and said no. But She complaining that her apartment is dirty . She will not clean up after herself. Leaves things out on counter. If she using a paper plate she puts it on the counter not in trash can. I married to her only child. He had a stroke and has R A really bad. I'm the only one that helps both of them. It's a drive back and forth. And no she not moving in with me. She always been a difficult person to be around. But I do everything I can. Just want someone to help clean her apartment.

My mom sits in her recliner all day; able to get dressed and get to the door to unlock it in the morning, and lock it at night. She says that's all she can do, besides going to the bathroom. She "can't shower, wash her hair, microwave anything, make a sandwich, etc. etc. Is your mil like this, or is it just cooking/cleaning she doesn't do? Mom has memory loss, too; says it's from her pain meds, but from reading this site for almost 2 years, I recognize signs of dementia. When helper didn't call or show up yesterday or today, she did go to the fridge and get a pre made sandwich... so she actually can, and admitted she can "if I have to". What the heck?

I agree with ahmijoy. If she’s simply not cleaning her apartment, it’s her right to live that way. I will tell you that my dad rarely lifts a finger because he is retired. That is his excuse. He didn’t retire so he could stay home and clean—those are his words. Never mind the fact that my mom is on oxygen 24/7 (COPD. Also has fibromyalgia) and is also retired. If she wants the house cleaned, it’s on her to do it because dad is retired and if he wants to lay on the couch all day, that’s what he’s gonna do. If you try to get him to do something, he gets mad.

On the other hand, if you aunt is a danger to herself, if she’s leaving burners on for instance, then call APS and make a report. You can call the police and ask for a welfare check too, that may or may not get the ball rolling.

What specifically is she doing or not doing? Is she hoarding? Leaving food out to spoil? Leaving water running or the stove on? Or just simply not dusting, vacuuming or mopping floors? Is it bothering you because you feel you need to do these chores for her?

If Mom worked all her life and raised a family, she probably feels she has the right to do nothing.

If she is a danger to herself, contact her doctor’s office and ask for what they can do to get you some help. You can also contact your local Area Agency on Aging.

Unfortunately she is right unless someone has POA she can do as she pleases.
If family is not able to help out or hire help and MIL is living in unsuitable conditions then you can call Adult protective Services. If she is a danger to herself or others call the police