Mother-in-law has dementia.

Linda,
I can certainly relate to your situation. My mother in law is 82 with multiple dimentias. My brother in laws family and mine started caring for her a year ago because of the same events the are happening to your mother in law. We made the mistake of taking her into our homes splitting the week. This past year was absolutely horrible. Both families have two small children so caring for her and trying to handle her increased symptoms was very hard on all of us. So your taking the right steps in looking for professional care, as her symptoms will get worse. I'm in FL but when we did get assistance we interviewed several homes which most are happy to come to the house and discuss your options. From then we compared notes, and then took tours of our top locations. I hope this helps. I only wish we could have gotten all her sons to agree together for her care. Your mother in law is very lucky to have you, and I'm sure would be so thankful for you thinking and planning the best care for her. Remember who she was before the disease when times get challenging. Best of luck.

Lindaljames, I used an agency to bring in Caregivers for my Dad [94] around the clock at his house, and it was costing up to $20,000 per month, yes, per month. The Agency was great, we could ask for a variety of caregivers to come in, and eventually narrowed it down to a special few that were a good mix for my Dad.

Eventually Dad asked for me to stop the over-night caregiver to help him save some money, so we tried that, even though it made me very stressful knowing he was home alone at night.

Late last month Dad decided it was time to leave his house and go into Independent/Assisted Living which would cost him around $5,000 a month for his 4 room apartment, and still have his Caregivers for 5 hours in the morning which was a lot cheaper. Eventually Dad can dismiss the Agency Caregivers and use the Aides available at the IL/AL facility which would save him even more money. He is now in a safe environment so much less worry :)

Now, if you get a Caregiver who isn't paid through an Agency, but paid by you or your Mom-in-law, she would need to get a "workman's comp" rider on her home insurance to cover any injury a caregiver might have being at her home. If hired and paid from an Agency, an Agency is usually licensed, bonded, insured, and have their own workman's comp for their employees.

I agree with above.. You mention her daughter lives far away and you often visit, caregiving isn't just for women? Her son should be the one dealing with his Mom's situation.. Be supportive but let him take charge...

It sounds like your MIL is living alone. This is not suitable for a person with dementia beyond the very early mild stage. You could bring help into her home, but to cover 24/7 is going to be very expensive. You may be able to reduce the costs somewhat if family members can take some shifts.

Assisted Living or a Group Home may be more cost-effective and perhaps provide better stimulation and activities.

It is very hard to get to the point where a loved one can no longer live alone. Above realize that this is Not Your Fault (or anybody's fault), it is "normal" part of the progression of the disease.

It seems most agencys charge between $20-$30 a hour. A lot depends on her needs level - usually someone who needs managed medication is at the higher end as often special training is required. When my father got sick - physical issues, no dementia, we started with eight hours a day. As his condition worsened hours were added in. At the time daddy passed help was there 18 hours a day and we were in the process of making it round the clock. It's a very expensive route to go and full of pitfalls - several employees are required for this kind of staffing and quality ranged from great to useless. Sick calls often weren't covered and there was one lady who stole - she took things from the apartment, checks that came in the mail and had hacked into a bank account on line using info she gathered from the apartment. The main reason we went this route was my parents wanted to be together and my mom was in good shape, they had moved from their house into Independent Living in a retirement community - it would have been unfair to expect mom to move to Assisted Living to be with dad - and since they could afford it we went the in - home care route. Had it just been dad we would have gone AL. A few years after daddy passed mom went to AL and is now in a long term care facility. The moral of my story? Caring for a loved one in the home can be difficult and for sure is very expensive - and it gets worse from there. If your MIL will consider AL I would strongly recommend it. There are some very nice places available these days that would cater to her every need while keeping her among peers she could socialize with. It will also give you and hubby more peace and freedom.

Are you thinking of 24/7 caregivers? Have you thought of an Assisted Living facility where she would have a variety of activities and social interactions.