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My mil after 3 years of living alone fell and broke her hip. This comes to no surprise to me since I know she's been falling and cognitively going downhill for years. My husband and his 3 sisters don't care or listen to a thing I say. They try to cover up her problems and refuse to get the help she needs. We just moved away from where she is just a month ago. We had our house for sale for many months so she's had time to face the truth. I have a son and a toddler. She nor any of his family came to see them or help out. My husband worked hours away so during the week I was by myself doing everything I could. I worked hard for months selling two of our houses in order to buy the house we've only been in for a month. My family will no longer talk to me because they can't stand my husband anymore. They were the only family we had that ever helped us any way they could. His family. Forget it. Our new house still needs to be sorted out. It's not even child proofed. My husband has left me to stay with his mom at the hospital. All his other siblings children are grown and some live closer to her. He returned last night sensing I was upset to do nothing but yell and blame me for being his only problem in his life. On our wedding night (that was paid for by my parents) we spent the night sitting outside her hotel room door because she was threatening to leave because of other guests at the hotel. I'm 11 years younger than my husband and married way too young. So I'm in a new place with no friends or family with a spouse who cares nothing for me.

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We are all pulling for you, and I'm so glad you came on this forum, and that you're going to take action. I hope your parents will welcome you and support you through the next difficult stages.
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Again thank you all. I'm going to call and arrange to talk with someone at the domestic violence shelter this morning.
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Having been through this, I would FIRST call your parents and tell them that you plan to end the marriage.

Next, I would call YOUR lawyer and ask advice. There are upsides to you being the one to leave AND to your being the one who says "you have to leave now".
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Take passport(s), too -- if you &-or the kids have them. Health insurance cards. And all Rx + refill info.

I normally don't advocate delaying, but can you wait until the kids are done with school for the year? (If you can't, you can't.)

But if you can endure for a couple more weeks, your kids won't need to go to/from school to the shelter. Also eliminates the possibility of your husband picking kids up from school and taking them to his house...or on a trip...etc. (A classic power move.)

If you do delay, stay stealthy. Don't act different. Don't remove things from the house in a noticeable way. And....don't reveal your plan to the kids. If they know, they'll act weird or blab and blow your cover. I know it doesn't feel fair to hide it from them. But secrecy is a necessary evil.

Clear your browser history (every chance you get). Same goes for in/out call history stored on your landline handset and on your cell phone.

Your local domestic violence hotline/shelter will help you create your exit plan. Call or visit. With their advice and support, you can keep strategy at the forefront.
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Oh, and don't forget to visit the bank and transfer some money into your name.
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I honestly think that you should pick up your children and go to the domestic violence shelter tomorrow. Make sure he is out of the house first and he will be out of the house for a few hours. Pack the essential things you need. Birth certificates, your drivers license, whatever paper money and loose change that is lying around the house and a couple changes of clothes and just leave. Don't leave a note for him and don't tell him where you will be. File for divorce as well. It might take you a while to heal and be happy and your children will heal and have happiness with help and support. Your husband isn't worth the dirt beneeth your feet.
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Thank you all for your caring advice. I've been thinking a lot about this marriage since my last post and how badly it's deteriorated my self worth. I have truly gone to the ends of the earth to keep our marriage together and it's a losing battle. It's abusive as well and has been on every level throughout the years. I'm going to call the domestic violence shelter tomorrow and contact my parents. I love my children more than anything and they deserve a happy mother. When my husband heard the news his mom had fallen our son said something a child would say and it enraged him to yell and threaten our son. On that note it's already started with one of our kids.
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Please, go immediately and buy a book called "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft. Your MIL is not the problem. Your husband is the problem. He is abusive. It doesn't matter if he doesn't hit you. Please read this book - you may have to hide it from your husband in order to read it. Also call the National Domestic Violence Hotline. 1-800-799-7233 They can help you.
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I was in such a marriage! Lordy I wish I have not wasted those 26 years.

All the time he yelled and made me feel worthless...he was telling my a clear as day that he really cared nothing for me. Wish I had left long before I did! Also, think about your child. They learn what they see. Please don't let this bully be the male to teach your child how men should treat women!

You only get one shot at life. There is not going to be any do overs.
DO NOT get the the end and have the regrets about what you didn't do.
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What he says to you about you being his only problem is abusive.
That needs to stop right now.
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I agree with Barb. I wouldn't waste another minute on a man who didn't act like he loved me. I did that for 13 years and wish I could get them back.
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Can I save you the 24 years that I spent in exactly that marriage?

Your MIL is ALWAYS going to be in charge. And it upsets and enraged your husband. So it's YOUR fault.

Figure out what you need to start over with your child. Get help from your parents if necessary. But ditch this disturbed person.
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I'm in individual therapy. He refuses to get any help, stating I'm his only problem.
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So, are you seeing a marriage counselor? Or are you in individual therapy?
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I have yet to visit mil. The last time I saw her was in October. During my entire marriage anytime he returned from a visit with her he would start fights with me. There appears to be family secrets that I suspect due to horrific child hood stories involving his mother from his older sisters. My husband only acknowledges that his childhood was beyond perfect. My family doesn't like him because he says things about them and never thanks them for their help. They also feel he dispects me and doesn't treat me like a loving husband would.
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Oh dear.

First things first.

Child-proof the children's room(s), the bathroom, the kitchen and the main living areas. Getting busy on concrete, achievable goals will take your mind off the rest of it.

Next, forgive your husband. His mother is in hospital. She's broken her hip. At least she really has got something to make a drama about this time, not like somebody looking askance at her at a wedding, for heaven's sake. (Why on earth didn't he just let her leave? I have to ask. Don't suppose there's a simple answer.) She's upset and in pain, so he's upset, so he yelled at the first thing there was to yell at. Which, regrettably, was you.
But it doesn't *mean* anything.

Next. Unless you genuinely like or at least feel vaguely friendly towards your MIL, ignore her. No harm will come to her if no family member is at her hospital bedside for a few days. And if you're there, the others have an excuse not to show up. So don't go.

Whoever had the idea, it's a good thing you moved away from MIL's home town. Well done.

Try not to get upset about your mother in law. Think zen. You have plenty to be getting on with. Let the situation calm down - as you say, this has been bubbling up for a month - and give yourself more time to settle in.

What's your family's problem with your husband?
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