My mother is living with me and my husband.

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Thank you for your comments. My Mom has been living with us since Sept 2016. She can feed herself & use the bathroom alone, but needs help with showering, dressing & getting around. She uses a laptop for email, bills and constantly needs help with that. She has trouble with guilt feelings that she won't ask for help when she needs it which ends up being frustrating for me. My husband will help but I need to ask him each time. I know I need a little time for myself but there just is none.

Dear packratmag,

I'm so sorry to hear about you are feeling living with your mom and husband. Its a lot for one person. I think most of us caregivers are pleasers in general. We try to do the best we can for everyone, but it does become overwhelming. If at all possible for your own mental well being, I would try to seek out counseling or join a support group. Try to let both your mom and husband know how are you are feeling. Try to look for additional resources as a family. Maybe they are each jealous of the time you are giving the other. Maybe family counseling will help. Try to learn new tools and techniques to deal with them individually.

Packratmag, could you give us more information.   Such as how much care does your Mother need and what are her medical issues?   How long has Mother been living with you or needing care?   Is hubby retired or still working?   Does hubby help at all with the care of your mother?

What you are going through is quite common in many households where there is an elderly parent living with their grown son or daughter and their spouse. And usually all the care lands in the lap of the woman, it's a generational thing as the women are usually the caregiver, thus not giving her any free time to be with other family members.  The younger generation one will see equal help with an older person, as with children.

Depending on your Mom financials, could she afford to bring in a part-time caregiver to help give you a break?   Otherwise, you are going to crash and burn.

If that isn't an option, could Mom qualify for Medicaid?   You would need to call your State medicaid office as each State has their own rules and programs.   Maybe an Aide could be scheduled to come in a couple hours per week and Medicaid would pay for that.

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