I need to understand why my mother had to endure severe pain with hospice and in a nursing facility.


She had Altzheimers and had broken her hip three weeks before. Rehab rejected because she could not follow commands. The long-term care facility were attentive but allowed her to be in pain for at least 48 hours and probably longer. Thank God I was there when she passed, but I watched helplessly as she struggled. The grief is extremely raw and I do not want to be around others. I believe that we did everything possible by caring for her for six years, and yet, I couldn't help her in the end so that she was not in pain when she passed. I am dealing with anger at the health care professionals for not doing more. I am also angry with my brother who never bothered to check on her. Yes, I am going to counselling to try to rid myself of these dark emotions. I am a Christian and believe in the power of prayer, but I cannot pray these emotions away until I can understand why her death happened like it did. BTW, she was 90 years old, and some brush it off as having lived a long, full life, but she was still my mother and then became my child when her dementia advanced. I really have no question, but it feels good to write this.

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Please accept my condolences on your mother's passing.

I am very sorry that she suffered so much in her last days. That should not happen, especially when hospice is involved. I think this needs to be investigated, not in the spirit of revenge, but in the hope of preventing other dying patients suffering at the end. The care center needs to understand and accept their accountability. And the hospice organization will perhaps learn some things about educating the close family members about what to expect and how to make full use of what is available for pain control.

I'm doing that now. Hospice has been very supportive....and they are checking with the nursing home now. Yes, I know they could have provided more...I was just so ignorant as to what I should have insisted upon. I really didn't understand that Hospice was there for that reason and could administer stronger pain meds. Don't let your mom go through what mine did because she doesn't have to (but I didn't know it). Thank you so much for your kind words.

My heart goes out to you. I worry my mom will end up in pain. I can't believe they did not control her pain. My best friend lost her husband a month ago and hospice kept him on pain meds the whole time. Even left behind morphine, which she took to a drug disposal place.
I hope your counseling helps. Hugs to you. Did you question why her pain wasnt controlled?