My Mom was in expensive memory care for almost a year. She recently died in hospice.

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The Executive Director of the memory care never sent a note, a card, an email or otherwise acknowledged her death even when I saw him at the Care unit following her death. He barely grunted hello to me. I sent him an email saying how disappointed I was by his behavior but he never replied.
Has anyone else run into this or am I dealing with the Autism spectrum here?

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A very callous man. Most medical people are reminding you to take care of yourself. The day my aunt passed the personnel were so kind. They brought a cart down sobicould have beverages and snacks without leaving even brought me a more comfortable chair.
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Irishboy the doctor I mentioned did more than just talk about my Mom like she wasn't in the room. He threw the covers off of her and said "look at her, shes like a skelton"
and then he roughly pulled her eyelids up and said" theres no life in those eyes" and went on to say "listen to her breathing, thats death rattle"

He had me in tears. Then he tried to make me feel guilty for going home when I had just got through spending the night with my Mom. Unfortunately for me I'll never forget this incident. He however probably just got into his BMW and happily drove off to his mansion not giving it a second thought.

Thats why I called him to task.
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Irishboy, you've changed my mind.
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Gershun, couldn't agree more. And like you I had no problem speaking up when needed. I went to two doctor's offices after my dad passed and gave thank you notes to the staff and doctor.

But I had no problem speaking up to his awful MD at the hospital when he was dying, twice I had to ask him to step out into the hallway because he was talking about my father like he wasn't in the room.

The first time I was polite, the second time I wasn't.

Doctors are no better than the rest of us, some are great, some aren't.
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Maggie Marshall, apparently you don't know how AL's work. This wasn't the bookkeeper who sits in an office and has little or nothing to do with the residents. This was the person in charge of the AL. A good executive director knows his or her residents and their families.

From what the OP wrote they knew this man fairly well. He wasn't a bean counter, that's the accountant/bookkeeper...sigh.

I met the surgeon once, I was touched that he took the time to do this. I was trying to point out that hearing from someone after you lose your loved one helps. So no I wouldn't have been annoyed if I didn't hear from him, I wasn't expecting to hear from him. The point was hearing from people, just a note, a card, a phone call can mean the world to someone while they're dealing with their grief.....silence is deafening, especially when it is from someone you expect some type of response from.

It was very rude of this man to treat the OP like that, and than ignore her email.

Sorry for your loss, but it was quite rude of you to say what you did to the OP. It mattered to her, this man knew her, and her mother, and also got a nice chunk of change out them which helps pay for his salary.
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I took my Dad to see his cardiologist after a hospital stay while the Dr. was out of town. The hospital made the appointment and stated over and over it was important to see him within the week for follow up care. We told the admitting nurse why he was there. She scribbled it on his chart. Yet when the Dr. walked in his first words were. "What are you doing here there is nothing more I can do for you." Further he immediately asked what if he wanted to be revived if he dropped dead in the next minute. While I agree this difficult question must be asked a little diplomacy would have helped. Furthermore he should have started by asking why he was there or better yet taken a moment to read that he had been in the hospital. When my Dad asked what he thought of the med changes made at the hospital he said that they hadn't made themt he had when he last saw him which was untrue. He eventually read his notes and did see that my dad was right not him. Fortunately my Dad left mad not demoralized saying Dr.'s don't know everything and lived another year and half. His old GP on the other hand wrote the family the nicest letter when he died. He didn't even have to send a card but he took the time to acknowledge our loss and do it in a very personal way.
No it wouldn't have mattered if he hadn't. I wouldn't have complained or said anything but it made us feel better that he did.
The assisted living place where he lived were very kind and helpful as we closed up his apartment and the staff at memory care facility where my Mom lives and Dad visited frequently all acknowledged our loss when they saw us and even shed a few tears with us. Not all are callous. That said had they not I wouldn't have called or emailed them about it.
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Well I for one did take a doctor to task for his offhanded, insensitive way of telling me that my Mom should be started on comfort care. I'm not afraid of doctors. I don't understand why people act like they are Gods. They are infallible human beings just like the rest of us.

If I can complain about someone who works in the service industry and isn't responsible for my Mom's health and well being I certainly don't have any qualms about complaining about doctors and other health care workers.

Maybe if everybody called them to task now and then they wouldn't get away with being insensitive.
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I'm sorry you found my comment disconcerting. I lost mom after caring for her in my home for a year. It was, I my opinion, a spiritual passing. The LAST thing that would have "moved me" would have been a sympathy note from the facility's bean counter who probably did little more than pass her in the hall.

Let me ask you this: if you HADN'T gotten that lovely note from your dad's surgeon, would you have been insulted? Written him an email and taken him to task?
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Maggie Marshall, why did you come on here and say that? What matters is the OP was bothered by this.

When someone is living at AL or in a NH the family gets to know the staff. To not say anything was rude and classless. Especially after the OP sent an email saying how disappointed she was, that gave him an opportunity to reverse this, which he didn't do, tacky and low class.

I received a handwritten note from a surgeon who only saw my dad a few times and performed minor surgery on him. My dad had a very good sense of humor, and this doctor took a liking to him.

The note forwarded to my new address on the other side of the country, I wept when I got it. To think a busy man like this took the time to do this and thought of my father moved me to tears. I called the office and told the woman who answered to please tell the doctor how moved I was.

That is why it matters.
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I honestly can't imagine why you'd care.
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