Mother does not care.. about anything.

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My wife and I have been caring for my 82 yr old mother for the better part of 5 yrs. She is physically able to do most everything for her self but she won't do anything... Bathing has been an issue since before my wife and I took over the care giving..She would say "I can't smell me" or "I don't stink" or "at my age, who the h*** cares".. even if she goes to the bathroom on herself.. she will just lay there.. She is making herself bedridden..most of the time, if we ask her to get up and go to the bathroom, she will just look at you and not say anything... Eating has become an issue as of late...she will chew but not swallow (sometimes, she will fake swallow) or she will get up and flush her food down the toilet.. this lasts for 3 or 4 days then she will eat a couple of days.. She likes eating from a baby bottle.. We have a respite care giver come in a few times a week, which worked for a couple of weeks, but now that my mother knows the care giver and refuses to do anything.. again... If a new person comes, my mother is all happy to do what she needs to do..like go to the bathroom and shower.... We are not the "put her in a rest home" type... It is our responsibility to take care of her.. but it is real difficult to care for someone who does not care about them self.

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OhJude: No need for me to buy a different shower seat. Mother has departed. The town's senior center is using it (or not! ). I know what you mean about the childlike behavior! Just about drove me 'round the bend! Nuts..
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Llama you can buy showerseat commodes which would solve that problem hun and there comes a point when laughing is the only thing you can do short of losing your marbles. Weirdly enough I cope really well with all the big things b ut if you really want to see me lose my cool drop round when its meal time. Constant battle. Mum gets rage, I get furious and we end up not speaking most days over her eating her dessert and leaving her lunch. Don't let her have dessert till she has finished the mains course I hear you say. I don't....then when I empty the bins I find she has put half her main into the bin and hidden it under tissues - I tell you she may have, well does have dementia, but they can still bloody outwit us
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Time to cut a hole in that shower seat. :-)) WE DO NEED AN EDIT BUTTON, webmaster.
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Jude: Your river runs through it had me laughing. I'm sure laughing was the last thing on your mind that day.
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OhJude: Oh my! You certainly had a time of it! What was her mindset (or not) in removing her seatbelt? Glad your auto didn't get pooped up, but that must have BEEN SUCH AN UNPLEASANT TASK!
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Sorry about all the spelling mistakes WE NEED AN EDIT BUTTON
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Llama luckily when we go out I make Mum wear not just depends panties but also an incredibly huge padded pad inside them - she hates it but let me tell you it was a god send that day. Not only did she poop but we were miles from home late afternoon just as home time traffic builds on a warm sunny day. Moreover what I didn't realise is that she had taken her seat belt off. On the way home she said I am seeing now (peeing) oh deep joy and a river runs through it sprang to mind!. Then when I had to do an emergency stop for a car whose driver was on his mobile phone (don't start me on that one) she started to go forward at an alarming rate. Of course I swung my arm out to stop her at which point she was flung BACK into her seat at an equally alarming rate. now this wasn't a nearly through the window moment but it was enough for me to actually hear the splurge of her bottom sit down hard on the already wet and soiled pad.

So no mess in the car as far as the upholstery went but kings from waist to waist she was covered in ....well I am sure you get the picture. I now have plastic covers on the seats JUST IN CASE
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OhJude: IKR! (I know, right). Mom even used her shower seat as a toilet and did not even know it! How did you ever get the stench out of your auto?
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As a nurse, I had a woman in her 40's hospitalized for an extreme adrenaline disorder. She could not get herself to care if she died. Just lay in the bed, wanted nothing, did nothing, peed on herself. Although she as embarrassed, she said she'd rather sit in it than let us help her get cleaned up. It took a few days of IV hormone therapy to see some results. When she was able to get her hormones orally, she was sent home. She became more active and cared about what happened to her. Maybe a blood test is in order to make sure there is no imbalance?
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Llama I agree with you my Mum has virtually no sense of smell at all now. So it is now me who deals with it. She actually popped herself at one point in my car on a warm sunny day and said it is just as well it doesn't smell - (yeah of course it doesn't - gag gag)

I don't ask my mum I tell her I am going to shower her. She rarely puts a barrier u against it. Not the same with feeding she is too lazy to put the food in her mouth and won't let me feed her (I also don't want to start that until it is essential) I say feeding but I mean main meals she will eat junk till it comes out of her ears! Go with the flow where you can and if you have to have battles pick them well or you will end up like me - bloody frustrated - you will anyway but more quickly if you don't step wisely
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