Follow
Share

My mother went into a nursing home for an infection from a splinter in her foot, she's diabetic. The staff member, title social sevice, promised her a private room and she could keep one of her pets there. She was supposed to be there for a few weeks/until her foot was healed. Once in, the staff member told her she could not have a pet but could have a family member bring one in to pet, thought maybe misunderstanding. They then kept making excuses about why she could not be released saying her sugar was too high, etc. Keep in mind my mother is claustrophobic and afraid of the dark. She has now been there for three years. All of the time not being able to have personal possessions of any value because they would be stolen, even clothes. After two years she was sexually assaulted by a staff member. My mother reported this to family members but not to the nursing home because she was afraid of retaliation. Sometimes when we would pick her up she would have bruises all over her. When we asked her what happened she would say she didnt know. If the nursing home knew we were coming she would have very good communication abilities but if we did a surprise visit to pick her up they would try and make excuses as to why she couldn't leave, no walkers, no wheel chairs and she would seem like she was very drugged, slurred speech, etc. About 5 months ago my mother called me crying very scarred stating I needed to get her out of there right now. She said she wanted up at night and a male nurse pushed her down so hard she almost flew over the other side of the bed. He told her if she tries to get up again she wouldn't like what happened to her. Called the next day to find out what happened and they said they had removed the nurse from her area and he would no longer be helping her. I had previously asked the staff member if we could take her out of there and she said we would be in trouble with Adult Protective Services if we tried. They moved my mother into smaller areas over the course of the time until the space she was in during this incident was smaller than what an inmate would get in solitary confinement. And, although she was able to walk and talk her roommate who took up 2/3 of the room was a vegetable. When she first went in she had a cell phone that contained a list of contact numbers to call family and friends who kept in touch constantly. The charge cord kept coming up missing and she was forced to use the phone in her room. We would then leave this list in her room but the list of numbers would come up missing. We would rewrite it, go back in later and it would be gone. After the call from my mother about the nurse they started taking her phone privileges. I had to call one day 9 times before they said they would put in a work order to have her phone fixed. On Mothers day when we picked her up she said she was going to ask to have her moved to a new nursing home. She told me if I did not hear from her within a couple of weeks or I was unable to reach her by phone that they had done something to her. After not hearing from her I tried to contact her and the nursing staff that answered sounded very strange and just kept saying I am so sorry what happened to your mother I am so sorry. I asked what happened and he said I cannot say. I called back hoping to get someone else and again got I am so sorry about what happened to your mother I really liked her, what happened to her I asked and they would say I cant tell you. The next day we got a hold of staff member who stated she called Adult protective services on her because she had made claims that people at the nursing home were mistreating her and because she was acting out (threat to herself or others). We contacted adult protective services who stated she took emergency guardianship of my mother based on staff call stating no one in the family outside of two family members had any contact with her the entire time she was in the nursing home. She stated my mother was put into a mental health facility and would be in there for two weeks for evaluation and then she would contact the family to have a meeting. But because of claim stated to her that no one in our family had tried to contact her she could not allow family contact Quote “since we were crawling out of the woodwork” Tried explaining we have sign in sheets at the nursing home, phone records etc, she didnt care. Two weeks went by and no call, went to Mental Hospital and asked to see my mother, she was a vegetable, just like the roommate with her. Tried next day APS said we were not allowed there. Asked APS why isn’t she being released? Stated they are reporting to her she is acting out "screaming at night for someone to help her” At this point she has been isolated with no contact to the outside world for a month now.

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Find Care & Housing
Why was APS involved in the first place?
(2)
Report

when I read sexually assaulted. that would have made me call the police. maybe you should contact an attorney to help find out your rights. I would not!!!!!!want my family member cut off from me.
(4)
Report

Hi Needing help,
Wow! I've never heard such a thing!
Please tell me the rest of the story. There must be parts left out. No one goes in for a splinter and is kept permanently. Especially against the patient and families will.

How was the NH being paid. Someone would have had to give up her banking and income info. Where did she live before going in for the splinter? Was someone a payee for her monthly checks? I'm assuming she receives Social Security of some sort.

Help us out with some more info here. Maybe then, someone could offer you appropriate advice.
(2)
Report

APS involved because nursing home said she was abandoned and a danger to herself or others.
(0)
Report

wally003 She did not want to report because she was afraid of what they would do to her. She has now reported and the nursing home told APS she was making up stories and they locked her in a mental health facility denying her all contact with family and friends.
(1)
Report

Pepsee She was on medicaid or medicare switched for long term. Nursing home said we could not take her out because we would be in trouble with APS. Should have gotten an attorney then but the abuse was not as bad. Left out were a nurse called her a bitch and probably a few more little things but the main things I included and it happens because it is happening now to my mother. Her two sisters took her there and are the ones the nursing home told aps that no one in the family wanted anything to do with my mother anymore.
(1)
Report

Pepsee She lived in her home that she owned. Nursing home owns a realty company and was selling it for her based on her not being able to leave the nursing home.
(1)
Report

"How was the NH being paid. Someone would have had to give up her banking and income info. " She was also recovering from a stroke. Had a little trouble walking but could still do so very well with a walker. Paid her own bills was even dating. Went into the nursing home and they took her computer her cell phone chargers over time cut her off completely from the outside world every way they could. Then called APS and they cut her off the rest of the way. She is not allowed to talk to friends or family she is not allowed to talk to anyone and it has been that way now for about a month. I am sure terrorists are treated better and my mother was the kind of person that always helped everyone. never hit me, never hit anyone in her life. Would give a complete stranger her last dollar. She has always been too trusting and forgiving. I told her there was something not right about that place but she wouldnt listen.
(1)
Report

"How was the NH being paid." I believe nursing home has all of her checkbooks and financial things. She had no poa was completely capable of taking care of herself when she went in.
(1)
Report

She signed herself into the Nursing home for the splinter and physical therapy to help recover from the stroke.
(1)
Report

Call your state Ombudsmen. If they can't help, you need a lawyer. Your Mom had rights and they were violated and still are. You could have changed this NH at anytime. She was not a prisoner.
(2)
Report

I have since had a meeting with the nursing home and aps. The nursing home claims they contacted the Ombudsmen and the attorney general and reported my mothers claims. But the claims they stated they reported had name changes from what my mother had told me. They changed words like could to said she did to make her look mentally incompetent. Now what do I do, do I still contact the Ombudsmen, attorney general? Should I give them the real report, what my mother actually stated to me. Maybe they didnt even report, but were trying not to look bad in front of aps when I confronted them about it. Can they throw her out, at this time she has nowhere to go and is still being evaluated. She has gone from a walking , with a walker, talking, person who was perfectly able to make her own decisions in the last two months to now she cant even stand up and most of the time just sits there with her mouth open unable to speak. How can they just kill off the elderly like this and no one cares? It looks like they are trying to bed rid her so she doesnt cause any problems. It looks like they are trying to screw her mind up so she cant speak.
(2)
Report

They could be medicating her. A blood test would show this. Yes, if you were not included in the investigation then call them and tell them your side.
(3)
Report

Wow, that's just unheard of. Maybe others will come along and help you too. JoAnns advice is on the money. That's a starting point.

Keep updating, hang in there💞
(1)
Report

If I understand correctly, you had a meeting with the nursing home and with APS. At the meeting with the NH and APS, the NH told you and the APS that "they contacted the Ombudsmen and the attorney general and reported my mothers claims." Have you, yourself contacted the Ombudsmen and/or the attorney general and reported your Mother's claims? IF NOT, then you need to do ASAP. At the very least, you can verify that the nursing home did in fact contact the Ombudsmen and/or the attorney general. And if the NH did file a complaint, then you can file a counter-complaint. If the NH did not file a complaint, then you can be the one to file the FIRST complaint. DO NOT take the nursing home's word that they contacted anyone, ALWAYS follow-up and make sure that they did what they said they were going to do. Good Luck!
(7)
Report

Also, my mother is not allowed to have phone numbers to contact anyone as I believe I already stated but my question is, if they keep taking the phone number lists, is there a law that allows them to do this? At the meeting they said right in front of aps after I kept insisting about my mothers list being taken they finally said they would allow one to be taped on the inside of her closet door because it was private. This made no sense to me because they said she could not have the list inside a closed drawer next to her. Said this right in front of APS who said nothing to help my mother. Well there are some problems with this, one she could reach in the drawer to get the numbers but cant get out of bed to go to the closet because they dont leave a wheelchair or walker near by. Two. the closet doors are folding doors on a track so when you open them there is no access to the inside of the closet door. It has been a week since this meeting and there is still no number list. I even called one night and insisted a nurse put them in the closet as they stated they would and went there the next day and there was no list. There was no list because they couldnt do it. I provided a list in her drawer and it took three days for it to be stolen from the drawer. What is the law allowing this to happen? Why did APS not care?
(0)
Report

They also said they didnt have to give her a phone, right in front of APS. They said if she needed to call someone they could take her to the nurses station and she could get the numbers from the nurse and make the call in front of the nurse. I thought they had a right to private phone calls but APS didnt say anything about it. It is like APS dont care.
(0)
Report

I guess I don’t understand, why your mom is still there? And why you don’t give her a phone book? The nursing home shouldn’t need to give her a list, just buy a little phone book and write everyone’s contact info in it. Or get a small memo book. Depending on what state you are in, the nursing home may be legally required to have a phone available for private conversations.
(1)
Report

NeedingHelp, Have you contacted the State Ombudsmen and/or the attorney general yourself YET? If not, why not?

The problem with the phone number list is MINOR compared to everything else that is happening. (As suggested by worriedinCali, get a small phone book or memo book and write everyone’s contact info in it and put the book in your Mom's dresser drawer.)

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING is that YOU look at the OVERALL SITUATION and start to DO SOMETHING, such as moving your Mom to a different facility; filing a Report with the Ombudsmen and the Attorney General ASAP; and hiring an ATTORNEY for YOUR MOM!!

When I had a problem with a Social Service Assistant (SSA) at the Nursing Home when my Mom was residing, I CALLED the Ombudsmen Office on a FRIDAY and we set up a meeting for the next TUESDAY!!

Please contact the Ombudsmen ASAP!! Only then are you going to get some help in resolving the problem that your Mom is having at the nursing home.
(3)
Report

Some NH have phone at nurse station because adding line in room would be an extra charge to patient and family.
(0)
Report

Call an Ombudsman for your area who advocates for nursing home residents.  Also, summon Adult Protective Services.
(2)
Report

Something seems amiss. She went in for an infection in her foot and three YEARS later, she's still there (oh, now in a mental health facility)?
I know diabetics heal slowly but that's a long time. Did you keep informed of her progress by the doctor? Didn't you ever question the length of her stay?

They have NO RIGHT to keep her. Of course they'd want to because it's financially better to have the facility full.

As I see it, this is what you should do NOW;
#1. Call the Ombudsman and arrange an immediate meeting. Get your facts in order. Leave out unnecessary details. (Mention sexual assault, threats, verbal abuse, leave out pets, phones, stealing items)
#2. Call an elder law attorney and set up a meeting for immediate assistance. If finances are a problem, call the Senior Center in your town for a low cost referral to a low cost attorney.
#3. Call the mental health facility and set up an immediate meeting with the attending psychiatrist. Ask him/her what the plan is for her. Unless she has a psychotic episode, is a threat to herself or others, etc., she can not be held against her will. Tell the doc she will be having legal representation.
#4. If you can't take her home due to her care needs, DO NOT send her back to the same Nursing Home!!! You need to do some footwork and find another more suitable NH in the area. You and she have the right to change NH's AT ANY TIME.

I am amazed at your complacency and not raising a HUGE stink. Maybe that's just how I would have handled it. You need to be much more assertive and not take what everyone says as law. Demand rights for your mother and to see her. Tell them you will get the police involved if they do not comply.

In other words, you need to be a bad *ss to advocate for your poor mom. She's waiting for you to get going on her behalf.

This really is unbelievable that it evolved as it has. Either you are missing huge chunks of her story or you both have been bamboozled.
(4)
Report

Sue, I agree with you but I can see this happening. We were raised that your doctor knows all the answers. That staff at hospitals and nursing homes know what is best. We don't question. I worked for a Visiting Nurse Assoc as a secretary for 7yrs. I learned a lot there. My daughter is an RN for a rehab/NH facility, learned a lot there. Some people don't realize they have options. Some can't afford a lawyer. The two I have hired were $5000 just to start. Needinghelp now has the information needed to go from here. Hope he comes back to tell us how it all went down.
(2)
Report

Definitely contact an attorney. Install a hidden camera.
(0)
Report

I think hidden cameras are illegal. But if the facilities had them, residents would be much safer.
(1)
Report

We have left contact numbers, lists, in drawers, etc, it doesnt matter what form you put them or who leaves them as at least four different people in our family have now stated they keep leaving lists of numbers on different occasions and they disappear. NH said my mom must be throwing them away because they wouldnt do it. Meanwhile NH said they would put a list in her room based on all the contact information we gave them at the meeting and they never did. We reside in Indiana if that helps.
(1)
Report

My mom was released from the mental hospital and at the meeting they said it was for an assessment of her mental health. After 30 days there 40 days with no contact to friends or family they actually stated they had to keep her there longer because she claimed she was being held against her will and that was part of her delusion.
(0)
Report

Where is she going now? 
(0)
Report

My mothers doctor retired and the NH provided the NH doctor for her. We are waiting on his report to decide my mothers mental health.
(0)
Report

Pepsee, She is back at the NH that claimed no one in the family had any contact with her for three years and called APS.
(1)
Report

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter