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My mother went into a nursing home for an infection from a splinter in her foot, she's diabetic. The staff member, title social sevice, promised her a private room and she could keep one of her pets there. She was supposed to be there for a few weeks/until her foot was healed. Once in, the staff member told her she could not have a pet but could have a family member bring one in to pet, thought maybe misunderstanding. They then kept making excuses about why she could not be released saying her sugar was too high, etc. Keep in mind my mother is claustrophobic and afraid of the dark. She has now been there for three years. All of the time not being able to have personal possessions of any value because they would be stolen, even clothes. After two years she was sexually assaulted by a staff member. My mother reported this to family members but not to the nursing home because she was afraid of retaliation. Sometimes when we would pick her up she would have bruises all over her. When we asked her what happened she would say she didnt know. If the nursing home knew we were coming she would have very good communication abilities but if we did a surprise visit to pick her up they would try and make excuses as to why she couldn't leave, no walkers, no wheel chairs and she would seem like she was very drugged, slurred speech, etc. About 5 months ago my mother called me crying very scarred stating I needed to get her out of there right now. She said she wanted up at night and a male nurse pushed her down so hard she almost flew over the other side of the bed. He told her if she tries to get up again she wouldn't like what happened to her. Called the next day to find out what happened and they said they had removed the nurse from her area and he would no longer be helping her. I had previously asked the staff member if we could take her out of there and she said we would be in trouble with Adult Protective Services if we tried. They moved my mother into smaller areas over the course of the time until the space she was in during this incident was smaller than what an inmate would get in solitary confinement. And, although she was able to walk and talk her roommate who took up 2/3 of the room was a vegetable. When she first went in she had a cell phone that contained a list of contact numbers to call family and friends who kept in touch constantly. The charge cord kept coming up missing and she was forced to use the phone in her room. We would then leave this list in her room but the list of numbers would come up missing. We would rewrite it, go back in later and it would be gone. After the call from my mother about the nurse they started taking her phone privileges. I had to call one day 9 times before they said they would put in a work order to have her phone fixed. On Mothers day when we picked her up she said she was going to ask to have her moved to a new nursing home. She told me if I did not hear from her within a couple of weeks or I was unable to reach her by phone that they had done something to her. After not hearing from her I tried to contact her and the nursing staff that answered sounded very strange and just kept saying I am so sorry what happened to your mother I am so sorry. I asked what happened and he said I cannot say. I called back hoping to get someone else and again got I am so sorry about what happened to your mother I really liked her, what happened to her I asked and they would say I cant tell you. The next day we got a hold of staff member who stated she called Adult protective services on her because she had made claims that people at the nursing home were mistreating her and because she was acting out (threat to herself or others). We contacted adult protective services who stated she took emergency guardianship of my mother based on staff call stating no one in the family outside of two family members had any contact with her the entire time she was in the nursing home. She stated my mother was put into a mental health facility and would be in there for two weeks for evaluation and then she would contact the family to have a meeting. But because of claim stated to her that no one in our family had tried to contact her she could not allow family contact Quote “since we were crawling out of the woodwork” Tried explaining we have sign in sheets at the nursing home, phone records etc, she didnt care. Two weeks went by and no call, went to Mental Hospital and asked to see my mother, she was a vegetable, just like the roommate with her. Tried next day APS said we were not allowed there. Asked APS why isn’t she being released? Stated they are reporting to her she is acting out "screaming at night for someone to help her” At this point she has been isolated with no contact to the outside world for a month now.

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Call your state obsbusman that’s what they are there for to help anyone that is in this situation they will go in and do an investigation. Look on the internet for you state obsbusman . Good luck.
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Dear Website Administrators;
The original poster has not posted any comments since  July 15, 2018 and he/she rejected all and any suggestions made.  Please shut down this thread as it is no longer current.
If the original poster has any updates regarding the situation or if they have other questions or concerns that they want to "VENT" about without receiving any advice or suggestions, then they can start a NEW Thread.
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Admins,you time to shut this thread down, please.
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I am Agree with SueC1957.
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You should hire professional Eldercare for this purpose.
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I'm trying not to be or sound judgmental, however, APS would NOT be going in and taking "emergency guardianship" of her IF ANYONE WAS INVOLVED.

You wrote that the staff said only 2 family members came to see her. Must not have been very often if APS took control of things. When (what year in the NH) did they have authority over her?

My question is; How many times did YOU see your mother during those 3 years? It sounds like you were not in the picture (MIA-maybe for good reason (?))
Where is your aunt right now?

Usually, when someone signs themselves into a facility or program, they have the power to sign themselves out. She could not have been kept against her will. It must have been that her behavior changed dramatically (dementia?), during the years in the NH, for them to place her for observation/eval yo in a psych facility.

When she was "sexually assaulted" ("after 2 years") why didn't you take her OUT of there the next day? Or did APS have control of her then?

This situation sounds as if it evolved without any family members being around.

It's good (albeit too late) that you hired a lawyer to help straighten it out.

Take your concerns NOW to the Ombudsman and the CEO of the NH.

I guess we can't figure out HOW it got to this point. It SOUNDS like her family abandoned her and the powers that be had to get involved. You can't blame them IF she had no family involvement. Somebody's got to watch out for her.

Are you just coming into this situation now?

Do you WANT to be the guardian for your mother? You post seems awfully "removed" from the situation. What ARE you trying to accomplish?
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This is so sad. It seems you let too much time pass, and things escalated while you missed action. This is so horrible...
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This is so scary... I would go to the police, or even a tv show to share the story and get help. Remember, you must be determined and get media attention to get your mom out. Hugs...
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Good for the lawyer. I'd also ask about suing the home. They were so wrong in how they handled this whole thing. Moms rights were violated big time. Get her to a different home. Now you know how it all works, can be on top of the new one. Good Luck.
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Hired lawyer to try and get guardianship and they said they are waiting on doctor paperwork to determine mental health. NH says they have never received anything from doctors at meeting with APS, said they only had 1 sheet. Took a picture because they didnt let us have it and noticed it said 1 of 17 on bottom when looking at it at home. Meeting 7/10 requested the rest and noticed they had a fax run time of 6/22. the day she was released. NH lied about not having those papers at APS meeting. Lied to APS and the lawyer.
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I never said raped I said sexually assaulted and I never said house was sold yet. I said they are making her sell it, medicaid. I said the nursing home has a realty company. I did not even know there was an ombudsman until I posted here. Every one is telling me different things. Some people say report before and others say report after we get her moved.
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So, my question remains before all of this went down, when was the last time you saw her?

If family is not involved on a regular basis, sometimes they believe what is being told to them when it is simply not true, especially the sexual things. The person I cared for put a remote control in her hoo and blamed it on a litte indian playing tricks on her. One child freaked out she was assaulted but the video camera showed she did it to herself. If your mom has dementia, not all of the recollections may be accurate.

Are you sure it is APS, not just the facility social worker? APS does not usually attend family meetings or respond back. If it is APS, call and ask for supervisor.
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Needing, I think you should have seen the Ombudsman (and the police) after she said she was raped.

I think YOU should sit down, undisturbed, and reread this entire post, starting from YOUR FIRST WORD. I won't speak for everyone, but I'll tell you what I think, since you asked for "opinion and why".

Your OP is extremely upsetting! If your Mom has really gone through just half of what she/you claimed, that NH should be shut down. A publicized investigation done, the responsible parties brought to justice, tried and convicted!

How in the world can you sit and type repeated questions on a random website, asking anonymous people what to do?!
Hmmm I think not. I was born in the morning....but NOT this morning!!
Either....
this is a lie, or
Your only 12 y/o,
or you've got your own issues of your own.

Dude, (you claim) your mother was RAPED, thrown across a bed by a male aide, communication cut off, denied personal property, checkbook stolen, income rerouting, lied about, house stolen, NH own realty, sold her house, locked in a small dark room, reported to APS as a threat, locked in a pshyc ward, family sign in sheets hidden from APS, cut off from family, family denied info etc.....????

Then you twiddle your thumbs, continue to ask for advice, yet take NONE of it! You were told weeks ago to see the Ombudsman, and here you are today, acting insulted and indignant, because your story, and lack of action is unbelievable.

If that was our Mom, we would have stormed that place long ago! Wild horses wouldn't have stopped us! RAPED!! My brothers would have ...... Forget it. I'm done.
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Please give your opinion and why? Should I report to the Ombudsman before getting my mother into another NH? Or should I wait to report?
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My question at this time is the NH is her payee. How did they get Payee without my mothers consent? Also, since the NH is her Payee. Will they pay for the new NH? How does that work? How do we change the payee?
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If you read the entire thing you would see my mothers sisters took her there and she signed herself in for her foot. Everything was fine until about a year ago. Please read all before responding. I appreciate the people who are trying to help with good advice! Thank you!
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Had a meeting at nursing home with APS after they took her back to the same nursing home. If you read the posts we were unable to have contact with my mother because of APS. Please do not comment unless you read the entire thing. We had no control over where my mother went to because we were not allowed contact. At second meeting 7/10. They are still saying the doctors have not release her current mental status and that we cant do anything because her mental health is in question. They are telling us we have to wait to see if she is able to make decisions for her self or not.
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Needing help has not posted for 6 days. Do you think we have been duped? Reading GingerMays response made me think this is so unreal.
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Dear NeedingHelp - Please move your mother to a different ALF. Google a search for a new place, and make arrangements today. You are not going to fix this current house of horrors any time soon, and to keep here there makes me question if you are the one responsible for allowing her abuse to continue. File your complaints while your mom is elsewhere. The most immediate concern "should be" your mom's safety. I am aghast just reading how your mother is at this place 3 years, being kept in a small dark room when she is claustrophobic and afraid of the dark, was sexually abused at least once, and shows up with bruises. I am shuddering. Please post to let us know you got her somewhere safe.
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Something's wrong here. Maybe with the poster? IDK, way to bizaar  (spelling?) to be reality. Imho
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Shane, we all are. Neither the AL or the NH had my Moms check book or able to sell her house. I think the OP maybe confused about how Medicaid works and thinks its the home. Seems to me they weren't that involved with Moms admission. Not aware that Moms rights are being violated from the beginning. Sounds like a horror story.
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The nursing home had her checkbooks? Did I read that correctly? Is this a nursing home or a AL?
Who is paying for her stay?
How did this drag on for 3 years?
Why oh why did she go back to the same NH?
When was the last time you saw your mother? Do you live far from her? 
Did you by chance keep a log or diary of who you spoke with and when? 
Sexually assaulted at that NH? It should have been shut down. 
NH affiliated with a realty company to sell her house? Who is living in her home now? 
I am totally confused. 
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WHY did you LET her go BACK to the old nursing home???????????

Dear Heavens, you were complaining about it being such a horrible place. When she was discharged from the mental hospital would have been a PERFECT time to change nursing homes.

I suggest you get a sibling or trusted family friend to either help you with this or have them do it all. You are not handling this correctly and (according to you), you mother is the one that's suffering.

Call the people we've suggested or get someone to do it for you. But DO something!
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Had to reread all your responses. You need to realize your Mother has rights that are being violated. I have never heard of anything like this. You MUST call the Ombudsman and request that Mom be transferred out of that home immediately because you are afraid of retaliation. I would ask that she be taken to a hospital for evaluation.
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Your saying Mom was at another facility and then sent back to the same nursing home? You could have asked at that time to transfer her to another facility. You better hope that the state doesn't give the home guardianship then ur up the creek without a paddle.
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NeedingHelp, While I understand your fear about what the nursing home MIGHT do to your Mom if you contact the ombudsman or attorney general about your Mom's situation. What I do NOT understand is WHY you are letting someone else dictate your Mom's care.

It seems that you are PARALYZED with FEAR and are SO AFRAID of the Nursing Home staff that you can't even protect your own Mom. YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO FIGHT for your Mom's rights and apparently you refuse to or are unable to do so. You talk more about getting a phone number list then what you are planning to do to get your Mom better care.

All I can say is "CONTACT the Ombudsman and attorney general ASAP!"
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Im confused, she was in a mental facility with trained professionals but you are waiting on the nursing home doctor to write a mental status report. Is that correct? When is the last time you saw your mother in person? And what has she been diagnosed with?
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Part of me is afraid to contact the ombudsman, attorney general, based on my mother trying to report abuse to the NH and they twisted her words and did this to her. Since she is still in the same NH what would they do to her if I report?
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Pepsee, She is back at the NH that claimed no one in the family had any contact with her for three years and called APS.
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My mothers doctor retired and the NH provided the NH doctor for her. We are waiting on his report to decide my mothers mental health.
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