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Excellent topic choice. Yes, I do sometimes feel defined by my role as my mother's primary family caregiver. After all, it does take up the majority of my time! But if I stop and define myself aside from that, I consider myself to be a Dancer as that was my first and most beloved focus in my life. I am a Dancer who paints, weaves beads, and has a Masters in (astro)physics. I am not employed. I don't get paid for caregiving. I market (or try to) my art myself and I also am an adjunct at two universities (one online).

I am a highly talented, highly intelligent, financially distressed caregiver. I can't really plan for the future because the present is ill-defined, concerned as it is with the vagaries of caregiving. It's not just the health issues, as you must know, but also the issues arising from the horrible way this country manages health care. I blame the health insurance companies for most of this. But that's another topic...
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This is something I have been thinking about. I taught in a small university in south Georgia, then went into online sales before coming here to take care of my parents. When I first came here, my old life was still open to me. I could have slipped back into it without any problems. Three years later, I am totally divorced from how things used to be, and I realize that my life has become one of a caregiver who sells things online. I am in a terribly vulnerable place, because I do not know where to go from here. It is like I took on an job that offers no pay, no benefits, and is going to consume several years, but is going to end at a time when there will be no good opportunity to rebuild my own life. I know that I am not alone in how I feel. I do not have any good answers. Caregiving consumes so much time and emotional energy that it is a challenge to live in the present, much less think a lot about the future. I know I have to prepare for the future or it will be terrible for me.
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Just realized that I didn't say that I think of myself as a widow. I don't. My husband has a special place in my heart but I don't think of myself as his widow. I was the wife of a wonderful man who I will always love. I think he would like that. Lol, don't think he would have ever thought of himself as a widower!
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This question actually raised anxiety! I am ALSO a yoga teacher, a volunteer, a confidante, a herbalist, and I need to remember that!
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Fortunately, I have the most wonderful little grandson, so I truly think of myself as his Gramarley first! Being sweet & entertaining & attentive, he brings out the best in his great-grandmother (and me, too) which allows me to see what there is good in her. And, I also have a terrific boyfriend who is also his family caregiver, not so upclose and personal caregiving yet, but enough to understand and accept my situation and I accept his. So, at almost 64 years, I am also a girlfriend, lol, along with being a mother to my grown children, a sister, an aunt, a friend. Sadly, I don't think of myself so much as a daughter anymore, but a caregiver. In the scheme of things, Mama could do much worse than me though, lol. We are all students, too, learning more than we ever wanted to know about our loved ones, the health care system, and ourselves. Most of all, I think that we are all fighters, fighting for those we care for, and for ourselves, too, and our other loved ones, to do what is right today and to survive to fight another day.
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