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Mom had several bad falls, multiple broken bones and was suffering horribly. We started hospice yesterday. AL called me, she was actively dying this am. I jumped in the car, drove all day but she died 30 minutes before I got there.

My BIL and nephews were with her and dad. It was peaceful. Dad kissed her goodbye and cried a bit but the boys and staff got him to the lobby by the time I got there. By then he was happily telling his fishing stories.

I’ve hardly processed it all yet. I’m so relieved that she did not spend months suffering from all her injuries.

My thanks to all the good folks on this forum. I’ve learned so much and gotten such great support through the years.

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Thank you Stacey b. Good to hear from you. Hope you’re well. I’m doing pretty good. Lots of lawyering and papers right now.
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Windy, Hey Buddy, I've been away from the forum lately, getting on with life since my FIL passed away last Fall, and only just heard that your own Mom has passed away.

Please know how sorry I am for your loss, and know that I am thinking of you! It's been such a long and winding road for us both, but time has a way of taking care of us all, whether it is in loss, or just us stepping up and dealing with things as they come at us.

I hope your Dad is doing alright, and that his Dementia is a story of blessing in disguise, so that he transitions easier, in his life now without her. You are a Fantastic Son, a Super Hero in my book, in the care of your folks these last few years!

I know you loved and cared for your Mom, very much, and will miss her greatly. You remember to take care of you! Again Love, So sorry! Stacey B
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So sorry Windyridge (((hugs))), what a unique, caring, loving son you were to your mom and still are to your dad!
You have a big beautiful heart! Pictured you looking back at your dad...I know that feeling. Sending you peace and comfort Windy.
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Very sorry. I suppose all of us here can really empathize as we either have been through this or may be going through it in the not to distant future. Sounds like you were a real hero in being there for her until the end.
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I'm so sorry for your loss Windy. Your mom is at peace.
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I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, Windyridge; and sorry that you both weren't given the time for a proper farewell. Not about guilt for not being there, but it would have been nice to have a peaceful moment...

We get what we're given. You're taking a very sensible and practical view, as ever.

I hope you'll be able to arrange a smooth transition for your father. I really feel for you on how poignant his semi-disconnect is. Obviously you don't want him to be shattered, but it is tragic in a different way that he's lost the thread of his own life story.

Look after yourself - I'm glad you have family there to rally round you.
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Windy, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. We've talked often about your parents and their situation. Hugs and blessings to you and your family.
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Oh Windy My Man,
I have been following your journey. May you be able to have Grace and Peace in the coming days. I know you will still be there for your Dad. I'm sorry to hear about your Mama.
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Windy, the difficulty of watching our parents suffer and "breaking our hearts" is I think one of the hardest aspects to caregiving. It's emotionally painful and sometimes traumatic to have to witness the ordeals that challenge them. And in many cases, there's nothing we can do about it.

I think seeing them emaciated and weak is just heartbreaking.

That's very sweet and touching to put fresh flowers on her grave.
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Thanks again to all you folks. It’s nice to hear from you. And Mince, I had not read about your loss here or forgot about a post as I was so busy with my folks. My condolences to you. And our forum friend Garden Artist just lost her dad. Seems to be a lot going on right now.

I put fresh flowers on mom’s grave today and also on my brothers and sisters graves which are right beside her. She used to work as a florist. She would have liked the fresh stuff as opposed to fake plastic flowers.

Dad is doing ok. The sitter is great with him. Fewer memories of mom are bubbling up now. That’s good. He played bingo yesterday. I watched from the lobby. Broke my heart.
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I’m so sorry for your loss and I am glad your mom didn’t suffer. Watching someone with falls and suffering becomes so hard and heart wrenching. Windy we were going through a lot of the same when I first joined here.  There is sadness and relief at the same time.  Much love to you and your family.  You know I missed my moms passing as well, she passed while I was on The flight to NJ to be with her.  Maybe they just don’t want us there at that time. My father waited for that one time I left his room to pass.  I’m glad you have no guilt, it doesn’t help with our grieving process. 
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Windy,
I'm sorry to hear about your mom. It's so hard to lose a parent. At least she didn't linger.

I agree with the other poster that sometimes a person departs because they don't want to put their loved ones through watching them leave. I'm sure you'll treasure your memories. May God give you comfort and strength. Blessings to you and your dad.
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Mom had been non responsive and actively dying for many hours before I got there. I would have like to have been there but I have no guilt about it. There’s no way to predict these things.  

My bigger concern was dealing with Dad. But the grandkids had gotten there in time, got him away from the room after mom passed and he was having a big ol time in the common room telling his stories when I got there.

I had amazing support from the staff at the AL, the Visiting Angels sitter service and hospice. I had a nice long chat today with the AL director and the head of nursing. It was good to talk about mom’s death. We also have a concrete plan for moving Dad to AL.

I’ve still got stuff to do but I have a few days to get it done. Guardianship hearing is next Tuesday then back home I hope.
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Oh Mr. Windy......So sorry about your loss. I can identify so much with you. My Dad passed last week....same scenario.....drove like crazy to be there at the end....missed it by about 10 minutes....but same thing.....quick and peaceful. That brings me peace, as well.

God go with you and you are a good egg. Well done.
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Oh windy - just saw this. You got them into care in the nick of time.

My deepest sympathies on your loss. Your mum is not suffering any more. Sounds like you are dealing with dad very well. Kudos for all the work you have done for them - a good son indeed. Very fortunate for them. (((((((hugs))))))) This must be a tough time for you.
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Oh Windy. You are a strong, kind dude who did everything you could for Mom.

Perhaps she was in more pain than she could even articulate, eh?

Sounds like her exit was gentle. And she was surrounded by loved ones.

Don’t beat yourself up for not being there. (I don’t think you’re the type. But emotions can run amok.) Smart money says that Mom’s last shred of cognition wanted you to remember her walking and talking. Such that it is after a certain age!

Hang in there and be good to yourself. Your wife is a trooper, too. Carve out some time for good stuff. You 2 will need it more than you know.

Now some busy work on the horizon for you. BLECH.

It’s great that you hired a companion for Dad. If the poor guy ever needed a distraction, it’s now.

Keep in touch, Windy. We love your wry perspective and your big heart.

Sending hugs and good vibes.
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Thank you all for you kind words. It really is helpful.

I’m doing ok, very busy with all the stuff that has to be done. Dad is doing ok. I hired a sitter to keep him occupied and she has been a wonderful asset. She actually had him in the bingo session today! His memories of the event are spotty and she diverts him easily.

I hope to move him to memory care before I come home. It’s time for him. Too much wandering, not safe now.

Again, thanks for the support.
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May God grant you grieving mercies and strength for the coming days.

Well done for all of the love and care you've given over the years.
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Windy your Mom is at peace and although you were not there her husband your Dad was . Maybe that is the way she wanted it. Many many people do pass just before a love one arrives so you were not too late you were right on cue.
As others have said you have done a wonderful job of caring for your parents and making the right decisions. Hope your Dad continues to tell his fishing stories . I am sure there will be moments of sadness for him but he sounds as though he will be just fine. Blessings to you and your family
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Windy, so sorry to learn that your Mom had passed. I've been following your journey from years ago, some challenges were easy, others were difficult. My sympathy to you and your family.
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WindyRidge- you're a good man. I'm glad your mother did not suffer long and is now at peace. Take care of yourself. The days ahead maybe difficult as you process your loss.
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Windy, condolences on the loss of your mother. I'm glad she doesn't suffer any longer. We all know this journey of caregiving is going to the final destination of death of a Loved One, but it's still a shock. I wish you growing peace about everything in the coming months. (((hugs)))
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Windyridge, very sorry for your loss. Always a unique pain to losing your mom though she is released from her suffering. I’ve been amazed by your perseverance in helping your parents, they’ve been blessed to have you in their corner. Hope memories of happier times will be your companion in the days to come
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Windy, I too offer my condolences. You extended yourself for years, more and more so recently as she and your father began to decline. Yet you persevered, cared for them, ensured that they got the best care available.

And you were always available to drive to WV to care for them when something happened, to take care of the house, take them to doctors' visits, manage their finances, step in whenever and wherever, but most of all - you were available to be there for them when they needed help but didn't realize it.

I hope those memories help you cherish your mother as she was in better days. And we know as well that this is a relief to her suffering, and you can more easily remember those last days before she was so challenged.

I am so sorry for your loss.
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Windy, I am so sorry for your loss but so happy you got your folks settled into a place where they had good care and your dad can carry on with that same care. I missed my dad's passing by a few minutes, so I know how that feels. I felt guilty for some time, but like you, I did the very best I could. We were there when it counted - all of those hours and years when they needed our help. {{{Hugs}}}
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Windy - I'm sorry for your loss. I'm glad your Mom didn't suffer long.
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Windy I am so sorry for your loss. You did a fantastic job caring for her. My thoughts are with you and your family.
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Windy I'm sorry ((hugs)). How wonderful she was in a place where she could be cared for at the end, even if she didn't recognize the need herself. You did good.
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Windy,
You are a hero - hope you can find some moments of rest to catch your breath in the days of ahead
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(((Hus)))) windy. So sad for you and your dad.
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