Follow
Share

Mom has been declining over the past few weeks and yesterday stopped eating and drinking. Thanks to this forum I was ready for this. I had read here that if you can see a decline from one month to the next, there’s probably months left. A decline from week to week means there’s probably only weeks left...day to day probably only days left. And this seems to have held true. Today she’s pretty unresponsive and they put her on oxygen just to even out her breathing. She seems comfortable and I will stay and sing to her and hold her hand. I can’t thank you all enough for the support you’ve given me through this.


She is ready and so am I. Please say a little prayer for my darling Ella that this transition is easy for her.


And bless you all.

Find Care & Housing
Prayers coming your way. Always look up. Not down. God is there.
(2)
Report

We're with you, rocketjcat!
(1)
Report

So sorry for your loss rocket. I lost my mom september of last year and im still missing her everyday. But its easier now to remember the good times inetead of the struggle at the end. And you are so right about the people here. What a godsend. Be safe and take care. Deb
(0)
Report

So sorry for your loss. Hugs 🤗
(0)
Report

The poetry is beautiful rocket.
Thanks for the update and for sharing your plans. I’m happy you have your DH to share this time with. I love the idea of a picnic. Such a sweet way to mark your mom’s passing.
(0)
Report

Update: Thank you all so much for your kind thoughts, I have cherished every one of them. You have no idea how comforting they are! I’m going to attempt to print this all out so I have a wonderful memory to look back at someday. I am slowly getting used to what a new normal may feel like. The days have a lot more hours now, so I’m trying to keep busy with deferred projects, and soon the gardening will start. DH and I are talking about a vacation, since we haven’t gone anywhere in 3 years. I’ve ordered her “”In Memory of” grave markers and just waiting for them to be delivered in a few weeks for the 2 cemeteries. And waiting for a little warmer weather for the sprinkling at Fair Haven, where I’ll have a picnic for family and some friends, just like the old days. I think I have a pretty good plan.
The grief comes at strange times! Planning at the funeral home... fine. Ordering the the grave markers at the monument place...no problem. Cleaning out her room at the NH...not too bad. Calling the insurance company... basket case sobbing and can’t talk. Weird. However I have found myself smiling when I glance at her picture now, so that’s a good sign.
Yesterday I woke up with this thought in my head. I’m no poet and don’t journal or anything, but I wrote it down. I wasn’t sure what to do with it, but then I thought I’d share it here, as I think you kind people will understand.

The picture came down today
A collage of memories
Of her old friends long gone 
Of sunny days at Fair Haven
Of laughter and good times 
Of her proud parents always smiling 
Of a knight on a brown horse
Of a Mom taking care
Of the one left to pack it carefully away 
The picture came down today.
(6)
Report

I hope you find comfort that she was your Sunshine. I betting you were hers too. Thoughts and prayers to you and your family.
(2)
Report

So sorry for your loss. Take care. Hugs!💗
(0)
Report

Rocketjcat,

My condolences on the loss of your sweet mother. Thank you for sharing with us her final moments.
(0)
Report

What an amazing daughter you are!  I send you a very big hug. There is a support group on Facebook for those people whose Mother has died. You have to ask to join (that's so they can keep trolls out-there are some sick people out there), but I have found it another support system in addition to being in here.  You take care of yourself in the coming weeks and hold onto the knowledge that you gave your Mother such a wonderful gift in helping her to leave this world without pain.  Again, I send you a very big hug.
(1)
Report

Rocket, I am so sorry for the loss of your dear mom.
(3)
Report

So sorry Rocket, My heart and prayers go out to and for you. You did a great job.
May God give you strength through this difficult part of the journey.
(1)
Report

Rockerjkat,
I lost my Luz March 21 this year and I can fully understand what you are feeling.
My deepest and sincerest condolences. May God give you the strength for the journey ahead.
(3)
Report

No matter how prepared you are. It is still difficult. My mom passed March 24 from dementia and I grieve every day. My thoughts are with you and your family
(2)
Report

Hugs! What a beautiful testimony to her life. The love you have for her speaks loudly.

I am sorry for your loss 🌹 may The Lord give you and your family grieving mercies.
(2)
Report

Rocket, I am so sorry for your loss, your sweet Mom is at peace, and I am glad you were there with her in her final moments, I too had a very simular experience losing my Mom, and it was a painful yet beautiful time for all of us, her poor old body had just had enough of this earthly world, and she was ready to join my Dad in Heaven.

Once the pain of initial grieving settles down, you will be left with all of the fond memories of happier times with your Mom, and in time, most of the sadness will be slowly wane. You will find your new normal, but it does take time. Allow yourself to grieve, and seek help if you feel you need to, there is no shame in that. For now, take some time to rest and to take care of yourself. Big Hugs, you have been an Amazing Caregiver! Your Mom is in a Beautiful Place!
(2)
Report

"How lovely" is not what I'd normally say when I read of somebody's loss, but your description was so touching, Rocket. May your mother enjoy an eternal picnic in a beautiful place.

And you? How are you?
(4)
Report

{{{{{hugs}}}}} Rocket. May your mother's memory be a blessing to you. That is a lovely send off you all gave her. Peace.
(2)
Report

(((((hugs)))) rocket My deepest condolences, Your mum had a lovely send off. Be proud.
(3)
Report

So sorry for your loss Rocket.
I am glad you had the great support and were able to be there with your mom, to see her out.
Take care of yourself. I like the cremation plans.
Hugs
(2)
Report

I'm so sorry rocketjcat. I lost my mom in October and our experience in mom's final days sounds similar to yours, I chose to leave before the honour guard though. I know that even though in your mind you are prepared your heart is broken. Take care of yourself.
(2)
Report

Rocket: Many (((((hugs))))) and good wishes. I'm so sorry for your loss.
(2)
Report

Update: My sweet Mom passed away last night. I was able to be with her right to the end. It was a rough week for her but she’s finally actually resting comfortably. The staff at the nursing home was beyond caring, and treated her and myself like queens this week. And as the funeral home removed her they call for an Honor Guard of many staff and her caregivers who lined the halls and lobby as she was escorted out with the family. It’s a wonderful tradition they’ve started so the loved one “goes out the same door they came in.”
She didn’t want a funeral or wake as she always believed they were too painful for the remaining family. This was typical since was always concerned about other people, and wanting us to be happy. She wanted to be cremated and “thrown off the bluff” at our favorite old picnic spot on Lake Ontario, so that’s what we’ll do for her. And for me, I will sprinkle some ashes at her Brother’s, Mom’s and Dad’s graves. And that will make me happy. She was my Sunshine.
(8)
Report

Rocket

wish I could bring you some food and drink and music
you are a hero
(4)
Report

Update Day #6: Mom is very slowly progressing downhill. Of course the roxinol has rendered her pretty doped up, not speaking, and she hadn’t had any fluids since Friday. She has developed Cheyn-Stokes breathing.which in her case is 30 seconds of normal breath followied by 30 seconds of no breathing. I’m posting this to share with those on the forum who haven’t gone through this yet, since it’s a very scary but evidently common phenomenon. The roxinol smooths out that breathing almost immediately so that’s good. She can rest easier and so can I. This Gerichair is comfortable and I appreciate it, but the reclining and footrest controls are at the back of the chair, intended for the caregiver. So I position it the way I want while standing, then back into it. To get out I basically have to levitate myself out. Luckily i have no witnesses!
A coincidence is that another lady down the hall is also on the same path as mom at about the same stage. Her daughter and I are supporting each other and it’s been a blessing to have someone to talk to who’s going through it. Thanks for the prayers...I’m sure this support was the result of one.
(8)
Report

Rocket,

Thinking of you and your mom. and hoping this passage goes smoothly for both of you.

My experience with what you're going through is limited. MIL was in-home hospice care. Family had been told her time was soon. I had just finished my "shift" of bedside watch and went to take a quick shower. MIL passed peacefully during those 15 minutes. I hope it goes as well for you. ((((Hugs)))))
(1)
Report

May The Lord God almighty give you strength and comfort during this hard time, may He wrap your mom, Ella in His loving arms and make her transition from this old worn out body to her new immortal body peaceful and gentle.

May you and your family receive grieving mercies and peace, may you all know that even though you will not have her here, you will one day go to be with her were there is no more sickness, crying or pain.

HUGS! We ask these things in The precious name of Jesus.
(3)
Report

You and your mom are in my prayers tonight, Rocket.

God, I ask your compassion for Ella that she find peace in these difficult days.
(3)
Report

(((((Hugs)))))))
(0)
Report

Update day #4. After 2 bad days, yesterday Mom was singing, eating lots of ice cream, drinking with a straw and talking a little more understandably. Today her breathing got labored and we decided to start a dose of roxinol. It was a very hard decision for me. And her reaction is exactly what I expected... breathing is better but she slept all day after only 1 dish of ice cream. I’m afraid I may have heard my last song. Heartbroken.
(7)
Report

Start a Discussion

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter