Follow
Share

It started yesterday so we are on 32 hours since eating and talking. She is congested and hasn't opened her eyes in about 24 hours. Her extremities aren't mottled and she has deep breathing with the congestion noise I've read about. She seems at peace, I wonder how long it will be? I'm running out of things to say, it feels so trite sometimes to say the same thing. Just need to hear what you all have to say, I don't want her to go but at the same time she isn't here with us. Please respond - how long?

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
I'm so sorry you are having such a rough time of it! In my Moms case, the Actively Dying stage took about 5 days, and it was pretty tough! I'm praying that this time for you will go swiftly, and soon she will be wrapped in the arms of the Lord. Hugs!
(2)
Report

Praying for you. Same situation my 91 year old Aunt is being cared for by Hospise. God is good and will call his children home to be with him
(0)
Report

So sorry for your loss. She's at peace. Hugs to you.
(1)
Report

I am a hospice nurse and even though I have done this for 6 years , I learn something new every day from my dying patients. It is such a different type of nursing. It is true that the hearing is the last to go or may be never leaves. It is important to give them permission to leave and tell them you love them and that you will be ok. This very important as they will stay alive to hear that from their loved ones. God speed...
(1)
Report

Dearest Wisteach ~ At last your Mom is in the loving arms of God. She is truly at rest and in paradise. During this Holy Week, I only hope the end will come as quickly and peacefully for my Mom as it did for yours. My deepest sympathies for the loss of your dear mother.
(1)
Report

Please keep posting on, as the days go by, we are here for you. Hugs, M88
(1)
Report

Wisteach sorry.. Like others said she was at peace...hugs..
(1)
Report

Wisteach, it all sounds so beautiful, and I can't imagine a better ending for a beautiful life now ended. I know and understand exactly how you feel, as my Mom's life ended very much the same way, she looked at peace and lovely in the end. I miss her and my Father, every day and heart goes out to you for your loss, and only time heals our broken hearts. My God accept your Mother into the gorgeous after life we call Heaven, and may she be rejoined with all of her Loved ones gone before her. May God keep you in in his loving arms, and support you through this difficult time. I'm sure you have been an amazing daughter, and now deserve some rest. God bless you!
(2)
Report

I'm so sorry for your loss wisteach.
Your description sounds so peaceful and loving, and I'm glad the family was able to come together in harmony.
(2)
Report

This thread was so comforting to me during this time, thank you. My mom passed Monday morning, the first day of spring. Her sisters, brother and a niece visited with her Sunday evening and we shared spaghetti and connected with each other while keeping vigil that really just happened by chance as it was nothing that was set up or planned. She loved people and as they said their goodbyes and departed I thought that was what she loved…eating, talking and laughing with others. As I sat by her bedside that evening wanting to stay the whole night I knew she would want me to sleep and not fuss over her. I cried, hugged her and kissed her and then the next morning she was gone. In the dark she lay still. No more labored breathing, no more diaphragm moving up and down to help her breather, no more oxygen and no more jaw hanging open. Her mouth was closed, her eyes were shut and there appeared to be a light expression of utter peace around her lips unlike any I had seen that last seven days. I am still so sad but relieved that she is without the agony of not being able to move, breathe, or express her love to those around her. Thank you all for your support. I hope that in the future I can help you all just as much.
(3)
Report

Wisteach, my heart goes out to you. I am in exactly the same situation right now. My 86-year old Mom is currently on palliative care in a nursing home after suffering a stroke last weekend. It is just a matter of time now. She is drifting in and out of consciousness now and not eating. I am trying to keep her mouth moist and her comfortable. Morphine is being administered. I don't know how much longer she can last -- it is in God's hands. I wish I could help her more. It is heartbreaking. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
(2)
Report

Wisteach I want you to know I'm thinking of you both...

Hugs my AC friend!!
(1)
Report

My mom is still with us. No food or water since Tuesday and waivering consciousness. Eyes closed most of time, teary and glassy. Heart rate has fluctuated between 137 and 80 when morphine is administered it goes down. This morning we experienced very rapid deep breathing w periods of apnea. Heart rate got down to 41 and pulse ox couldn't detect anything for awhile. Her feet and ankles are cooler than normal but not blue. Now she seems to be resting soundly, shallow breathing but still asleep. It's like a roller coaster. I've said all I want to say. In heaven she will meet the baby girl I lost in a miscarriage and Boscuit, my 13 year old lab we lost in December last year. There are times I wish I were going too. Our world has so much strife and hardship I ling for her to be at peace finally. In a body where she can move and thoughts that she can express. She told me once recently she was sad for her situation bc she couldn't talk to her grandsons. She would try but the words wouldn't come out and she couldnt share her thoughts. Some she could but others no. I am conflicted but I ling for the ups and downs to end and for her to be at peace. Six days is a long time to watch your mom just fade away ever so slowly. I'm thankful for the time but I guess we still have to wait for her time.
(3)
Report

The hospice nurses I've had experience with when my loved ones died were spot on ... They had the timing down to just about the last minute...
(3)
Report

For my own Mom, hospice told me it would be within 24-48 hours that she would pass. So I stayed overnight at long-term-care both nights.

While channel surfing in the wee hours of morning I came across my Mom all time favorite movie "Smokey and the Bandit" so I kept the TV on that movie. Mom was in a coma state but I think she was "watching" the TV.... because she passed on around 5 minutes after the movie ended at 3 in the morning. Coincidence or not? It did make me smile that she waited until the move was over.
(7)
Report

Thank you for your comments. We are at over 48 hours. She opened her eyes today and it was like a sweet surprise present. She tried talking to us but couldn't utter anything but she tried. She is still wavering between consciousness. Some bed sores have developed but other than that she remains the same. Gods timing not ours and I really like the DMV analogy. I talked to her about that. Thanks you.
(5)
Report

Just a couple thoughts. Hearing is sometimes the last sense to go. She may not understand any longer but a soft voice, or music, can be comforting. If she was religious read her favorite passages from the bible. Hum a song. Play her favorite cd.

A bedside vigil can be very hard to maintain. It's impossible to predict the exact moment life will end. Don't beat yourself up if you are not present at the end. My best wishes to you.
(6)
Report

Like the DMV, she is at the gates of Heaven, has taken a number and is waiting to have her name checked in The Book. Tell her there's a big party waiting there, give her permission to go. She can hear you.
(1)
Report

How about asking hospice nurse to explain?
Can or do you want the RN to be with you?
Ask, that's what they do.
It will be my turn ... my ♥ goes out to you. M88
(1)
Report

Captain, my condolences, and I hope you are hanging in tight. A hug, M88
(1)
Report

let her go . her major concern for the last year has probably been , YOUR , continued well being . ive been thru this twice , recently .
my aunt died just last night . i am so relieved for her .
in the NH she lived every day but not really on her terms .
(3)
Report

I believe it will be in "God's Perfect Timing".....Take care.....
(1)
Report

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.