Mom's back to rallying! :)

Oh, this breaks my heart that you won't get to spend the holidays with her this year :( I do pray though that you and your family will also have a blessed Thanksgiving in spike of this. We can only trust in God through all of this and that his plans are way better than what we could have ever imagined.

Blessings,
Vicky

Vicky,

You are very fortunate you were able to keep your mom at home and somehow make it work. I know it's hard seeing her deteriorate at home as when my dad was dying of Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer back in 2004 in my childhood home. I would go over there six days a week until my mom who was 79 at the time couldn't handle it anymore and I brought hospice care into their home. He went quickly but, I'm glad he was in his home! Now, I picture him getting to see his favorite game show host Alex Trebek as he always watched "Jeopardy!"

My mom has hospice care come to her facility in the memory care unit. When I did an outdoor visit yesterday, I found myself once again staring at her hands but, this time they seemed to have looked more like they used to since she has gained weight going from 114 to now 126 so that helped. Just can't hug or kiss her which is very hard - I always feel bad about that part. Our elders need to have their hands held or be given hugs/touch. This will be the first Thanksgiving and Christmas over 58 years that we won't get to spend it with her. The facility is planning a nice meal for them - we just can't dine with her.

Continue to treasure every moment you have and spend with her (as I know you will). I hope you, mom and your dad will have a blessed Thanksgiving!

Thank you for the prayers as well!

NobodyGetsIt

NobodyGetIt,

I just could not imagine not being able to see our mom for long periods of time and then when we did, see how much she had declined. That had to be such a shock to you! There were many times when my brothers and I thought mom would be much better off at Hospice, but that was before Covid came along. I am so thankful now that dad was too determined and too stubborn to listen to us and kept her at home. It's hard seeing her deteriorate at home, but it has to be much harder not getting to see her when we want to.
You and your family our in my prayers! With the Lord's help, we are all going to get through this.

Blessings,
Vicky

"VickyC,"

I'm amazed your mom eats at all. It's very hard to see them look like a skeleton. Since she's with you, you've been seeing it gradually. In my case with the pandemic lockdown and not being able to see her until my first outdoor visit in September, the first thing I noticed was her hands - they truly do look like a skeleton and it was shocking for me to see. I had another outdoor visit with her yesterday and just found myself staring at her hands. I don't know if she'll ever walk again either. She was walking all on her own back in March - it was nearly dying of severe dehydration and COVID that took all that away.

I'm sorry your mom is unable to do any activities like the ones she used to enjoy so much. My mom hadn't been doing activities for a long time but, the memory care unit she's in really tries to get them active and she's finally allowing them to take her to the dining room. They baked cookies, cinnamon rolls and bread Wednesday - they gave each resident a small task. Last week she painted a birdhouse. They sent me a picture and it was an emotional thing as that was something she always wanted us to do together but, we never did.

I know how hard it must be to see her become just a shell of herself as if she's not even in it. I have heard a few others say that in almost the exact same way. It would be very hard to watch a loved one just sit and stare at the wall.

All of it is difficult beyond words - may God give you all strength to get through these trying times!

So glad to hear that your mom is gaining weight! Mom is eating but not gaining at all. She has lost so much weight in these last 3 months and looks like a skeleton. No one is sure what her weight is right now. Our Hospice nurse tells us she is doing ok for now but still declining. I wish my mom could do activities again. She use to color and do puzzles but she hasn't been able to do any of these things in the last year and a half. She can't feed herself, wash herself, walk on her own, nothing. She wouldn't even be able to hold a Ink pen and know what to do with it and there's times now she can't hold her head up or will lean to a certain side. All she does is either sit there and stare off at the wall or she's trying to sew her blanket (she use to sew when she worked). There are times it just seems like her body is just a shell and she's not in it. It's so hard to see her like this. We know the end is coming, we just don't know how long.

Hi VickyC,

Funny but, my mom is sleeping more now too. In her case they are trying to get her involved in activities at her facility and I actually think she's just worn out from it. Your mom may be too - just plain tired especially if she's still eating and drinking. Your poor dad - I know as much as he wants to have her here with him, it's still taking a toll on him too.

Ha - so much for my theory about being a firstborn! Although, someone else that I mentioned that same thing said their loved one was a firstborn - go figure! However, since her four sisters have passed away and she hasn't had a relationship with her "twin" brother for so long that could be why she's such a fighter now.

I'm sorry that her relationship with her brother has been ruined by his jealousy. You're right it is poison - and nothing can survive in a poisonous environment. Oftentimes, it's the "evil twin" who despises the "nice twin." That's how it was for me with my half sister who was 15 years older than myself (she passed away in 2007). I never lived with her but, she felt I was favored by our mom so that took care of that. I have always considered myself an "only child" though.
Hopefully, with your mom she's been able to let go realizing that it's his problem but, still a sad situation for her.

With my mom she has finally started gaining weight. She's been under hospice care since May weighing 114 and is now 126. They will be monitoring her in the next couple weeks and she may have to be released from hospice.

All and all, I'm still glad you are able to continue enjoying moments with her when she's alert and smiling. At this stage, that's about all you can hope for.

Thank you for the update and all of you will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

Blessings to you too!

NobodyGetsIt :)

VickyC, so good to get update from you.

Hi NobodyGetsit,

Thank you for asking about mom and your continued prayers :)
She is about the same as last month. She is however starting to sleep more during the day much more often than she had been before. She use to have those long sleepy days about every few weeks and now it's one or two about every week or so now. She is still eating (soft foods) and drinking. Some days she is completely out of it and then other days she is more alert and smiling. Dad is hanging in there also but looking pretty frail himself,

How is your mom doing? We were talking about how our mom's are similar because they are such fighters and you said maybe they are both firstborns that may contribute to that. Well, mom is a triplet and the youngest in her family. lol
But she was raised as a twin with her brother and they have absolutely nothing to do with each other now and they are the only siblings left in their family. I guess you could say he is the evil twin is she is the nice twin. He is ate up with jealousy and wants nothing to do with her or her family and hasn't for many many many years. Mom is the sweetest woman to walk this earth (in our eyes anyway) and we have never understood why he's always been like this to her. Jealousy and hate can ruin so many people and make them miserable like he is. So, as far as we are concerned, she is the only sibling remaining. She had 4 other sisters and they have all passed.

Blessings,
Vicky

Dear "VickyC,"

Still been thinking about your mom, you and your family and see it's nearly been a month since your last update (time flies even when you're not having fun!) and wondering how everyone has been doing.

Continued prayer for you all!

"VickyC," - Thank you so much - my mom was a firstborn and had 8 other siblings although one died at birth and she had been helping her mom take care of them since she was 5 years old! Maybe your mom is a firstborn too considering she seems to have the trait of being a fighter.

I will keep you updated and I'll be looking for updates from you and your mom/family as well.

Continued prayers for all of you! Enjoy your days spent together - :)

Thank you NobodyGetsit. Your mom as been through so much and that's just amazing. Our moms are definitely fighters and you and your family are in my prayers as well. Please keep me updated on how she gets along.

Dear "VickyC,"

Thank you for the update and I'm so glad your mom is doing much better even though she still has her bad days (don't we all?!) but, at least the good days have outweighed the bad ones. Just as you and the hospice staff are amazed so am I - eating drinking and even smiling after thinking the end was imminent.

Your mom sounds like my mom who is 95 and also on hospice after nearly dying in April from severe dehydration, COVID, bi-lateral pneumonia and a severe UTI - a fighter, we too thought about three or four times she would pass away.

If she's hanging in there for your dad, I'm sure it's hard on her. I feel bad for your dad that he isn't able to face the thought of life without her. Some things will always remain a mystery and we may never know the "why's" but, God does number our days and we can't exceed them so it's not in His time yet.

But for however long she has remaining, I'm glad you are all enjoying everyday spent with her, seeing her smile and holding her hand!

You will remain in my thoughts and prayers - continue to take care of yourselves!

Hi "NobodyGetsit",

Thank you so much for asking and thank you for your continued prayers!
Mom is still doing well! She is still eating, drinking and even smiling. She's had a few bad days here and there (nothing like before) but there's been more good days overall. It's honestly just been amazing watching her go from one extreme to the other. We really don't know what to make of it and the hospice nurse just keeps saying she's doing great and is just as amazed as we are. Mom has shown us these last two months that she's a fighter, so maybe she's just not ready to give up or maybe dad is her reason for holding on because he can't let her go?
I feel in my heart though that mom wouldn't want to continue to live this way so my head tells me that dad is the reason. Whatever it may be, we are enjoying every day we get to see her smile and hold her hand!

Dear "VickyC,"

I've been thinking about you and keeping you in my thoughts and prayers - do you have an updates for us as I haven't seen anything from you in awhile? Just wondering how things have been going.

Take care -

Dear "VickyC,"

You and your family are going through quite a "rollercoaster" ride with your mom rallying again. It's hard not to get hope up especially for your dad I'm sure.
The strangest part about seeing all of this is knowing that the journey is hers and hers alone and that you can't go with her wherever she's going at any given moment even though she's still here (if that makes any sense).

My dad seemed to only have one or two days of rallying back in 2004 and when the hospice nurse told me it was time, we surrounded his hospital bed which was set up in our living room. I did the same thing you did - I let him know it was "ok" to leave us, that we would take care of mom and that we'd be ok. Twenty minutes later he was gone and like you said your dad is afraid saying that will hasten her passing away.

I'm glad you're able to enjoy these last moments of rallying until it all comes to an end. May God's peace be with each one of you until then.

Thank you for updating everyone!

It is an amazing journey you are on; thank you for updating us.