Her answer is always: I have to live with him. Meaning my brother. He has a personality disorder. Is lazy and selfish. Has excessive anger also.
Mom needs a lady to wash dishes and make meals for her at the very least. But brother will complain, bitch, and yell about anything mom does or spends money on that he doesn't approve of. He will continually yell and complain. Mom is 89 And just can't take it anymore. Brother is on SSI. That's his only income. Both be and mom are afraid of brother not having enough money to live after mom dies. She deeded her house to him when she dies so he won't be homeless. He insisted on having the house. And mom insisted on giving him what he wants. She doesn't spend anymore than she has to normally. So she can give as much money to brother as she can when she is gone. He is constantly questioning her spending on things. Worse now because of two lawsuits mom had to pay out lots of money for. She still has reasonable amount of money left. Mom tried to tell him she is in a lot of pain, and feeling lousey. He yells back: Don't you know that I have a lot of achs and pains also. He is in his fifties. Very overweight with some health problems. But not like mom. She says he won't shut up.He will yell and complain everyday if she hires help for herself. But he won't help her much. She doesn't want a volunteer to come in. My brother won't be satisfied unless I pay the full price for help for mom. But I'm reluctant since she still has near $300,000. And part of the problem isn't money. Mom doesn't want stranger in house. And she knows brother would object to stranger even more than her. Mom doesn't have dementia. She has always told me. Don't tell your brother. Ever since he was a teenager. If she did something that he would be angry about. Adult protective services did nothing to help.

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Nothing you can do here but walk away and leave them to their dysfunction,

I wish. It happened about five years ago. She fell and broke her hip. The social worker at the nursing home rehab place wasnt real helpful. Actually she wasnt helpful at all. I spent about a week and a half staying at moms house when she got home from rehab. Couldnt stay longer I had to go back to wirk. And I lived and worked in a different county from mom.My brother wasnt living with her yet.
Then I hired a temporary lady to stay with mom a few weeks. Untill she could manage alone. Part of me feels like I should force help on mom. Thats ridiculous though. Mom is capable of telling the lady, I'm sorry but I don't need help. And closing the door. She dismissed the lady staying with her when she broke her hip. Before I thought it was safe to do so. She is sure not hesitant to speak her mind.


Barbara, if your mother competent and does nothing to improve her situation, you can't help. When she calls, be a broken recoed.... " i can't help you until you decide something has to change, mom". Just keep saying that to her. SHE has to make a change.

Look, eventually she'll fall and end up in the hospital. They'll send her to rehab and the social workers will help get her placed.

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