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So many of you know the trial and tribulations of dealing with my mom (90) with mid-stage dementia. We have issues from taking her meds properly, using her walker and other help aids to trying to convince a move to a safer living space etc. When she was hospitalized last year for a hip fracture and then sent to rehab, sister and I (with my dad's blessing) decided to tackle their overfilled basement. We figure she wouldn't be doing the stairs again so it was a good place to start clearing the clutter. We got a lot done.....but with a limited time frame, we weren't able to achieve a complete purge.


Fast forward.....Mom is an organized hoarder and for the past few months has been begging to go to the basement.....to the point she will argue with her drs. for permisson to do so. She can barely get into my smaller SUV so I knew this wasn't going to happen. I keep telling her if she wants to go through things, she has seven rooms on the main level to do. My nephew was visiting yesterday (he was unaware of the basement saga) and she made him go to the basement and take pictures with his phone. All hell broke loose and now my sister and I have been blacklisted. She hates us.


Moral of the story? Never underestimate the influence of a manipulative, stubborn woman.....with or without dementia. God help us all.

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People with dementia say all kinds of things that are not in their best interest. I wouldn't let that deter me from helping protect her safety.
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My siblings and I buy many things with our own money for my mother in a nursing home. The other day, I got her something she needed and told her that I was going to be reimbursed from her facility account (which has gotten fairly large). She looked at me and said “At Thanksgiving I noticed that you had my mirror and one of my paintings on your walls, so I think we’re even”. What could I say? Imagine! She remembered that, when she can’t even remember anything else! I agreed, and my siblings and I laughed at how lucid she can be when it comes to her stuff.
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Yeah well, this is a post that others who insist that people with dementia 'can't possibly' do what your mother is doing and how it's 'impossible' to manipulate need to read and take note of!!! Dementia or no dementia, your mother is fully aware of the hoard down the basement and KNOWS something is up with it. And so she found a way to prove it.

My stubborn, manipulative mother does all sorts of 'impossible' things too, so I feel your pain. And hey, who cares if you're blacklisted? That's one less thing to worry about in the grand scheme of things, right? :)

Good luck!
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Oh no Abby
Visiting relatives can really step into it.
I hope she doesn’t run your dad ragged going into the basement on errands to find this or that.
It might take her a minute to get over it.
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OMG. I'm so sorry. Maybe when the dust settles you can relish your new found blacklisted status. When she needs you I bet she finds your number.
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I'm sure you aren't laughing at much right now, but this did give me a chuckle. I hope one day, all bad things about this horrible disease can be forgotten and you will be able to look back on this and laugh at a time when you are remembering the good things and times with your mom. That will happen! I promise! I do greatly sympathize with you now though. Sorry you all got outsmarted and she's mad at you but hopefully she forgets all about it soon!
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Please be patient your mom's just going through one of the unfortunate stages of the disease, be kind and try to reason with her, listen to her points of view and and very gently insert your opinions.. She will be angry for a while but will soon forget about the conversation.. When my hazel got angry she would fill up a cup of cold water and throw it on me when I wasn't giving her enough attention and 10 minutes later she would want me to hold her hand... Maybe you should try to reassure your mom that everything is in the basement is just as she had it placed and it will be there whenever she's able to get back down to the basement... She will very slowly loose interest of the things in the basement.. Be patient their will be more serious issues and tough decision making to come in the near future, hold her hand, smile, show her love and make her feel very safe in her home...
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Well if you and sis are blacklisted take advantage while she's in pout mode and enjoy the break! It won't take long for her to need you again, that's for sure.

I feel bad for your dad getting in trouble. But I wonder, will she try to enlist your nephew in any more shenanigans? ;)
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Exhausted.....above post was meant for you.
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She didn't want anything specific, just everything in general.....she is obsessed with her "stuff". Family? Not so much, except when she wants you to do something for her. And yes, dad got in trouble too. : (
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Does she hate your dad too since he gave permission? What did she want? Can you tell her you just organized some things?

I know what you mean though... how crafty they can still be even with dementia. My mom's doctor reported her to the FL DMV and her license was about to be revoked (as it should be) and she went to another state and got a license there. No test needed. I'll spare you all the details except to say the last cop that I talked to (Yes I even tried getting police involved) flat out said to me "Your mother beat the system".

So yeah- even with dementia they can figure out ways to get what they want.
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