
Most of you have been following my story about Mom. After the episode at the hospital, I and my husband left. I have not answered calls from mom only by text.On her last week of rehab she was not going to stay at the Nursing Rehab any longer and had a friend to come pick her up and take her to her appartment. I have not verbally talked to her as of yet. She has called and left messages that she wants me to talk to her and wants me to come get her car to drive. (My husband is driving my car to work because his truck needs some repairs and is trying to repair it) my husband doesn't want her car back at our home. She has been hurting in her back since she came home. She doesn't have an appetite but she does eat something but not much. I have told her I can have whatever she wants delivered to her. But there is nothing she wants to eat, I have mentioned lots of things to eat but she doesn't want anything. She complains about her back hurting and I told her to have her friend take her to a clinic to a Dr. that is a block away from where she lives. But she doesn't want to do that. She doesn't want to go to the hospital because she thinks she will be sent back to rehab. I haven't visited her since the 30th of June the day we left the hospital. She is always crying and upset wanting to see me. I have told her that I needed some time to settle my nerves. But, it's not helping my nerves at all because she is always calling and crying leaving messages saying we just can't stop coming to see her, she wants us all to be a family again. It has been this way for a month. She says she needs a bath, her clothes need washing, she needs her toenails clipped... Etc. Should I call and talk to her or just see if she will eventually settle down and find help on her own. I personally just can't do it anymore. I have arthritis problems myself so bad at times, I am in severe pain too.
Let her know that the hysterical, crying messages she leaves on your phone have to stop as well, otherwise you will change your phone number. Also let her know that yes, you can just stop visiting her and will if she refuses to cooperate with care coming in and refuses to go to the doctor.
I was an in-home caregiver for 25 years and am now in the business of it. Please tell her what I have told countless seniors and their families who behave just like your mother. Stubborn and won't stay in rehab when they still need to be there. Stubborn and refuses to go to the doctor. Stubborn about who they will "allow" to help and do for them and insisting on only select family members.
~Nothing gets a senior a one-way ticket to a nursing home faster than being stubborn~.
No truer words have ever been spoken. Your mother needs some tough love from you now for her own good. Call her though and go visit. Assess what she and her home are looking like. Then propose the homecare plan. If she refuses, give APS a call and walk away.
I know how hard it is to keep the boundaries in these situations.
This was her choice, these are her consequences. Unfortunately.
The only way your mom will "get that" at all is if you stick to your guns, and stop being all the solutions for her.
Care.com (to hire in-home aids)
Her local Area Agency on Aging (she will need to look up the website)
Social Services for her county (find the number online)
Call 2-1-1 and they can connect her to resources.
Her local Senior Center (for possible nail clipping appointments, among other things)