Mom has been to at least 6 nursing homes. She has no POA. She is extremely unhappy.

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She is 93 yrs old. Wants to go back to her apartment but my brother gave up her section 8 Housing voucher she did cooperate with this people Social worker etc. because of her life Insurance. He made a deal with all this nursing Homes. She still wants to cook her own food. Her Dr. declared her incompetent but the reality is she totally deteriorated and still ok health wise but not as healthy as she use to be. She like to cook her own food that is why she is very healthy. But I think the monetary incentive that the health professional/social worker etc. gets when placing a patient in Assisted Living /Care Home etc. gets the one month of the amount the facility charges as their commission. The best interest of the patient will not be serve with this kind of practice. that is why my mother is not as healthy as she was because she does not eat her favorite food anymore.

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Dear Beautifullady, I am curious why your Mom has been placed in 6 different facilities over what period of time? Were they all that bad, or did your Mom just not like them? Once YOU and/or your BRO pick out what you feel is the best facility, it is usually advisable (difficult as it sounds) to leave them alone for at least 2 weeks to a month, because that is the amount of time it takes for the patient to mentally and emotionally adjust to their new surroundings. That is how long it takes for their coping mechanisms to kick in. If your Bro switched her around every time she said she didn't like it, he is probably doing more harm than good.

Even not knowing your Mom's physical and mental condition at 93, it is unlikely that any person that age can live independently and still be safe, especially using a stove (boiling water? hot oil?). Hopefully the facility she is now in is decent, and she will remain there. - you still have to keep on top of the nurses and the aides to monitor her care - just a fact. Some are wonderful, others not so great.

I would suggest that you cook some of her favorite foods yourself and bring a covered hot tray once a week (like a Sunday dinner), with paper plates, plastic utensils & cups and a bottle of soda. Most facilities have private room where you can sit and enjoy your home-cooked dinner, or even have a private birthday party.
I did that many times with my Mother and she was delighted whether it was just us or several family members.

Another thing you can do is talk to the doctor in charge of her and find out if she is getting basic multi-vitamins and supplements like Calcium and Vitamin D. That would also improve her energy level. Basically, you have to give it all time for her and you, to adjust. I wish you and your Mom all the best.
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I'm sorry for your stress with this, Beautifullady. It sounds like a real merry-go-round of care facilities. Unfortunately, sometimes we have to do the best we can and it may still be less than perfect and our loved ones may still be unhappy. It is very frustrating for them to lose their independence because they may not even recognize their decline. I hope someone here can have advice for you. I can only say to talk to her doctor to see if she is even still competent to live alone in an apartment. Perhaps she can find an assisted living facility where she could still cook for herself but have access to limited care. Know that you are doing the best you can. If your Mom is safe and relatively healthy, I think happiness is not always possible. Take care of you and come here to share your journey with us.
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