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My Mother thinks that a man, woman, and child come to her house every night around 9:00pm. She says they have no face and they can just come and go thru the walls, They don't have to use the door. This has been going on now for 3-4 months. She says they use her phone, sometimes they leave their child with her, They sleep on her floor or in her car and leave early in the morning. She is not scared of them but doesn't want them there and they won't go away. She gets mad at me if I don't see them and I really don't know how to handle this. Her stories about them are so consistant and I am wondering if this is common and what I am supposed to say to her when she wants to talk to me about this all the time.

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My mom had same problem with seeing people,children and this would agitate her to no end. We took her to see a geriatric psychiatrist who prescribed a small dose of an anti-psychotic. She responded remarkably well. Her symptoms are under control and she has managed well for three years without a nursing home. Don't be embarrassed to take her to a psychiatrist. These symptoms can be managed. Her primary care doctor even refused to give her the medication. Remember these are symptoms of dementia not a mental illness. Don't be discouraged.
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Hi, I pray each of you are hanging in there. I wanted to pass on to you some info. that might help your loved ones during the "night time - sleep hours". While I was at the Nursing Home with my mom today, the doctor that cares for her was there making his rounds. When I saw him go to the Nurse's Station, I headed that way. He had stepped into the office before I got up there. So, I asked the Director if she would ask him if I could talk to him. She told me he was pressed for time, but after she said that, he stepped out. I said his name and he came right over. I asked him if he had any ideas on what to try for mom during the night hours(Since they had no intentions of doing anything)(Argh)! So, he said that he has recently tried Seraquil at bedtime with a few of his Parkinson's patients with Dementia/Alzheimer's. He said it has been working really well and asked if I would be willing for mom to try it. He said it works really well with the other meds. for those particular illnesses. He was very sympathetic and also thanked me for being there and speaking up. So, I'm praying that this will be a great breakthrough for all of us.

I wish all of you could have seen the look on the Director's face. PRICELESS!!! We all have to speak up for our loved ones because they no longer can. We are now their voice and even when our loved ones end up in a "Facility", especially as their POA, they can't ignore you. Once they know that you know this and that you will make sure things will be followed through, things will be much different. I also had the med. tech. run off a copy of her meds. and when she was getting them. I had been doing her scripts. & wanted to make sure they hadn't stopped anything/added something without contacting me first. I also make surprise visits during the evenings. If you ever get that gut feeling that something isn't quite right, listen to your heart. The last unexpected night visit I did is when I found out things they hadn't been doing. I am so glad I went in.

Hang in there & never give up - Your loved ones do know what you are doing, even when their illnesses won't allow them to express it. God Bless!
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yes my dad did the same thing . once in a great while he would ask me if i saw his brother . i go along with him cuz i dont want him to think he s losin his mind .
who knows maybe he did see his brother or mom , dad . wife u name it .. sometimes i tell him they come to see him but didnt see me . darn it i missed them .
sometimes i would see my mom when i am realy on the edge , she would pop up and give me a very beautiful smile . shes been dead over 30 years . yes i do beileve there is ghost ,,,
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This discussion has been very encouraging. We have one with Vascular Dementia, one with Alzheimer's, and one with a host of diagnosis. We especially needed to read eacorinth's response. Thank you.
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Hi there! I mean't to tell you, because your mom is no longer able to make decisions because of her illness, she is not able to withdraw you as her POA. Since her doctor did diagnose the illness, all you need to do is have him give you a copy of his report on your mom. Also, make sure that her Physicians,bank and your hospital has a copy of the POA. It is also a safety net to keep a copy on you. There is a reason your mom made you her POA and not the others. With my mom, I kept her wallet in my purse. I would remind her that I/my husband would be the one's taking her shopping/wherever she would need to go. Just keep even $10.00 or less. It sounds like you are doing a great job! When you hear a remark from a family member that is being nasty, just brush the dirt off your shoulder and smile and either walk away or hang up the phone. Believe it /not, it helps. Keep your chin up!
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Hi Patlo, I shared a little bit with you about caring for my mom a few comments back. I can relate and totally understand what you are going through. The money issues, as well as many of the other things, are all part of the Alz/Dementia, but even though we know it's part of their illness, it is still extremely difficult for both them and the person caring for them. They can not be left alone once they get to a certain stage. I love my mom so much and kept her at home with us after dad died as long as I was able to. I know I mentioned it before, as well as others, BUT DON'T TAKE IT TO HEART THE THINGS YOUR MOM WILL END UP SAYING TO YOU/TO OTHERS CONCERNING YOU. Alzheimer's Disease is a vicious illness. You have to remember it's the illness talking and not your mom. I know this and it still hurts when my mom will ask me, "Why am I doing this to her", or the spending all her money, but then a while later, mom would seem to be her "old self". Like you, I have been the responsible sibling and the one that never borrowed from her and dad and I was always the one that was always there for them. So, when mom went through that stage with the money, (My human reaction wanted to just scream and say I wasn't the one that kept her and dad in the poor house) or that I wasn't doing anything to her, it is the horrible illness.

Patlo, you can only do so much. Don't ever beat yourself up for what you can not fix and NOTHING is your fault. Please, take what your mom says with "a grain of salt" because it's not your mom talking, it truly is the illness. You are in our prayers. Take care of yourself and always remember we are all here for you!!!
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Vent all you want I wish I would have had this site when I took care of my mother in law she had alz to. I just took her money and gave it to her as she needed it. She got everything she needed and wanted. I let her oldest son in another state take care of all her finanaces and he sent me a monthly check for her upkeep. What money she didn't have for things like hair and nails I paid for. It is a handful and hard even with that because they hide everything can't find it accuse you or someone else of taking it and thats hard for kids/teenagers to live with, the repeating over and over and over again is enough to put you in a rubber room, there will come a time when you will have to put her in a nursing home not pretty but in most cases it has to b e done no she cannot live by herself. Don't worry about what others think just do what you know is right, their opinion is their opinion and it has nothing to do with the care you give your mother and I sure wouldn't leave her with your brother I'd rather see her in a nursing home protesting or not. Good luck to you. Please don't let your emotions rule use your head, remember the good times chances are she will never be back to the same person you knew years ago. It's a terrible disease. and I pray that we don't get it. dealing with a loved one who has it is quite enough Lord, thank you Amen.
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Thanks for your comment. My mother doesn`t take any sedatives. We have seen a psychologist.Upon our visit I wrote down what was going on with her and questions I had. He read my letter to Mom and asked her about it. She told him about "the people" and got mad at me for "talking behind her back" He said she has Alzheimers
/Dementia and it is time for me to be the parent. End of story. I had questions like, Is she safe to be alone? (My 43 yr old brother lives with her but he is not a caregiver, He has scitzopheria.) She closed her checking account and doesnt want to pay her bills because she thinks I am spending her money. Twice I have had to have her water and elec turned back on. What do I do about these kind of things? Can she withdraw the POA that she gave me a year ago? What can I do about her carrying all her money around in her pocket, loseing it, hiding it and not remembering where? He says "Be the Parent" but How? is what I need to know especially when brother and her sisters think I am just trying to run things. Thanks for letting me vent.
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Neon:

A lot of people, even in my culture, believe seeing a psychiatrist means you are crazy or well on your way. In this case, the mother's perception is her reality. I'd sit down with her and talk about the people she sees, if only to gather enough information to share with her primary care provider (PCP). A psychologist with a concentration in mental health and social workers can also conduct evaluations and don't seem to have the time constraints that psychiatrists do. If you tell the mother "We're going to see the psychiatrist today" she'll definitely go postal.

A mental health evaluation can be done under the mantle of "General Checkup or Follow-up." Caregivers can also contact the PCP to explore other avenues should the individual refuse. Most of the information evaluators will need must come from directly the individual, and getting her/him to talk is paramount for a thorough assessment.

The last thing she needs right now is another sedative, as it'll either mask or compound the condition.
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It could be sundowns one of my husbands roomates had this every evening but was better during the day if you can create a bright light in the room or close the blinds or curtains it might help-his wife got upset every evening he got to go home and I do not know if it continued at home he also thought when we bith left for the night to go to our homes we were got out on the town with other men.
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Thats a very good way to think of it Patio, I once visited a friend of mine on thanksgiving day, he was taking care of his dad and I was great friends with his dad to. Such a sweet funny caring man, anyway I went into his room and I said how ya doing pop, he looked at me and said girl you better get in this boat do you see all these crabs we have to get busy, (I lived in MD the blue crab capital of the world LOL) boy would I like some right now. Anyway I sat on the bed and curled my legs up because he didn't want them biting my toes, LOL but we got 4 bushels of crabs that day and he was happy, so we went out the next day and bought some already steamed took them to him and let him have a taste of his catch. He died a few weeks later. Sometimes ya just have to go with the flo . His son and I still think about that day and laugh and precious memory.
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Thank you for all of your comments.I have gained a strength in knowing that I am not alone and you care enough to comment and share with me.The other day Mom looked out the window and she wanted me to go out and chase 2 little boys out of her tree. I just went outside, smiled, and came back in. I am reminding myself now that instead of worrying so much about the days ahead, I`d better enjoy the days I have left with her.
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My 88 yr old mom (who has dementia) occasionally 'sees' spiders. She also has said guys come in the house through the eaves & are in the attic. I couldn't change her mind by the facts, so I told her that I prayed about it & God made them go away. Haven't heard anymore about it! But sometimes she thinks the neighbors are doing something bad to them...thank God my dad is still there with her. It's always something...keeping a sense of humor helps. ;-)
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When my father-in-law collapsed in his bathroom and had to be taken to the hospital, he started hallucinating pretty bad. At one point they had to strap him down because of it. Eventually they found he had a UTI which was causing the problem. That UTI started a domino effect that eventually caused his death. His body would just recover from one thing, only to be hit with another. In the end he was just too worn out to fight anymore. Those UTI's can really sneak up on an old person and cause all kinds of havoc.
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My mom would think that someone was at the door, she was more into hearing things. Would imagine that the phone was ringing and try to answer it. One night she imagined that she dialed a number on the phone and was talking to my father (who died fifteen years ago). Sometimes she was come into my room in the night, ask me to get her dressed to meet someone who was going to pick her up in the parking lot. That one scared the pants off of me, what if she hadn't come to my room and actually gone out to the parking lot? Oh well, the nursing home is dealing with that now.
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Has your mom been diagnosed with Dementia/Alzheimer's? My mom has had those times of saying there are others in the room or that she is watching the children play or talk to a cat that isn't there or will ask about the baby. My mom was diagnosed with Parkinson's & Dementia. After the loss of my sister, brother & then recently my dad, my mom's dementia increased severely. It is extremely difficult to watch someone you love so much and knowing how your loved one was before getting ill to have this happen to them. Remind your mom how much you love her and that you are there for her. Even though you know noone is there, just sort of go along with what your mom is saying, even if it means saying you see them if she asks. Believe me, I know it is not easy to do. Did your mom lose a sibling/a child that was young and/ her parents? I know with my mom, her thoughts and dreams are reality to her. I know that to them, they are seeing things, as well as having actual conversations with them. With different stages of Dementia, there will be anger and they will wonder why you are doing these things to them. Just know that it isn't you or that you have done anything! They are unable to control what is happening to them and it's very scary for them too. (I know that I feel so helpless and wish that I could just make my mom all better). I will be praying for you! Sincerely, eacorinth
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what do you do when they refuse to have a psych eval?
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If she is on a medical regimen, has the doctor prescribed sleep aids like Ambien or Zolpidem (generic version) or some other sort of benzodiazepine like Valium? When taken in excess, they can create extremely vivid hallucinations and the individual often gets mad because no one else sees what they see. I suggest going through the monographs that usually accompany prescriptions, paying particular attention to side effects. If any medication or painkiller designed to help her "relax" has been added within the last 3-4 months I'm almost a 100% that's the reason. Also, don't be afraid to ask about the medications and the schedule. Perhaps she's taking them too close together. And have a psych evaluation done just to make sure everything is okay. The brain, when faced with stimuli it can't quite process as usual will tend to rewire itself to maintain balance. Let us know how it goes.
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I was a CNA before entering into my PhD regime. I worked in the Alzheimer's ward at a few nursing homes. This was very common. Especially in those who did not take respiradol or some other kind of hallucinigenic.
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Hi Patio,

my Mom would see 'ghosts' coming out of the closet (gay ghosts?) and call for me and after a few nights of this I decided to have a 'ceremony'. Of course I knew that my Mom was hallucinating so I put on a piece of theater including candles for my Mom 'releasing' her ghosts and she was happy that they now had another place to go. So far no more ghost sightings.

All background for the ghost ceremony obtained from watching Whoopie Goldberg in the movie, 'Ghost'!

Good luck and don't get upset that she gets mad at you.
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My father sees people but only for a split second. I was told this is part of the progression of the Parkinson's disease he has. I would certainly make an appt. with her doctor.
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My Mom use to see "bugs" and would spray them with water !
Since she's been in a nursing home, she's been busy and the bug problem is gone.
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I agree with carol seems like when this starts it isn't long they go down hill faster. Unfortunately for some fortunate for others. depends on your stress level and the relationship you had in the past I suppose. My mother did this so that is why she lives with me now but she still wants her own apt and everytime I say okay and bring boxes she changes her mind, she said this four days ago again this time I am ignoring it She can't live alone anymore so we just have to live each day and take it as it comes than make decisions on the progress of the disease we have to remember that lots of times it is the disease not the person The person may not even remember what happened that day or the hour before If we look at it that way we don't stress so much over the person. And try to respond not to react even if you can't respond immediately think it over some times the best response in none.
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My mother-in-law used to do this - only it was "the kids." She had once been a teacher. She even told me not to sit on "the kids" once, so I had to move to a chair as her couch was "taken."

She had developed paranoia and dementia by then. Once she moved from her condo to a nursing home, she was much better. I think she needed the company and she felt safer, so her paranoia was better and she made real friends.

However, I must say that arguing with your mom won't likely work. These people are real to her. Maybe it's time for a doctor appointment (again), or maybe it's time for her to be around more people in assisted living of some kind. Loneliness can cause a lot of problems.

Even though I visited my MIL every day, it wasn't enough to curb her loneliness and paranoia. She needed more.


Carol
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