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My 77 year old mom had mild dementia and depression. She is and always has been a stubborn, negative person. Month by month things get worse. It is harder and harder for me to mainatin my composure and patients with her because she is so reistant and uncooperative. Everthing I read and everything I know speaks of the importance of staying active and connected. She will do NOTHING!!!! No senior club, library group, church, visits with family or friends, even a walk around the block. However, if you met her today, she would be friendly and charming to you. All her negativity and misery is saved for the people working hardest to try to help her. She will not wear a safety pendant, will not make her bedroom safe with lights and rails. She will not even try to learn or understand her medicine routine. She won't visit anyone and wont have anyone visit her. She had a companion at her disposal for three hours per day. She wont even get in the car to take a drive. If pushed, she becomes mean and nasty. However if my out of town brothers come for a visit. She is lovely, social and agreeable. She takes Zoloft for her depression, but cons the doctors with her charm. Claims she doesnt know why she is there and why I am bringing her to even see a doctor.How do get someone who is so difficult to participate in their own treatment???

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Kydeco, Thanks for such a positive answer. I needed that! I pray everyday for the strength to do the right thing and be more patient. You helped. Thanks...
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It seems the people with narcissistic trends/personality disorders do save the ugly for those who love them most! Not that it's the best way to recieve a compliment. But it is true. I also have a stubborn, negative mom. And yes, she is always on "good behavior" when my brother is around. I have come to terms with it and am not shocked when it happens. It makes it difficult when the out of town sib doesn't "see" what you see and then passes judgement. Keep making good decisions. And know that you are doing the right thing. You could try telling mom that she raised you to do the right thing. That she taught you right from wrong.....so please let you do the right thing and take care of her. I'll keep you in my prayers! Let me know how things are going. God's blessings!
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