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Oh someone please help me. I think I am just going to have to stop answering the phone at work when her number shows on caller ID. She has always been needy and emotionally dependent on me to meet her needs, I am an only child so I have no help. She is driving my dad crazy by constantly nagging and insulting him. She has recently discovered Ebay and, last night called to see if she and dad could come over to "get on the computer" as she calls it. I went to see them both on Saturday and Sunday even though I did not want to. I did my duty. I have a full time job through the week, and a lot of housework to do, and homework also as I am pursuing a degree online. I was looking forward to having Sunday night to myself to do a little work and she calls wanting to get on Ebay. so they come over, and she loses a bidding war on this cut glass antique pitcher. She is obsessed over it and won't let it go. She calls me today at work and wants the email of the person who bought it. I said Ebay doesn't give that out, it's confidential. Then she said "well it said it was signed, but they didn't include a picture of the signature - what if it was a fake?" and I replied "then it's a good thing you didn't win it." Then she says "well they couldn't say it was signed if it wasn't, could they?" and I said "hey it's Ebay, people can say whatever they like about their listings, it's buyer beware." Then she asks me how my day is going. I told her I am busy today. Which I am. I have a ton of work to do and an uncooperative database and I have been stressed out at work for the past year, basically. Then she says in this dejected voice "oh...ok...I won't call you again for the rest of the week." Laying a guilt trip on me. She always does this. I have told her over and over that I work in an open office space, have no privacy, everyone listens in on my conversations, and I am not supposed to get private calls unless it is an emergency. I have told her before "Mom can this wait until I get home? I have a computer at home, remember?" and she gets offended because I can't talk. She JUST.DOES.NOT.GET IT. I am about ready to snap. She is 65 years old and always about ready to fly off the handle because of her "nerves." I have already made arrangements to take off on personal days to help my dad get to the doctor because as she said one day, crying on the phone during a call to me at work again, that she "just cannot take anymore." She was always short tempered, self centered and emotionally distant while I was growing up. I never had any friends over because she would explode if they tracked in dirt or we got too loud. She was always pissed off and said "oh it's just my nerves." Now I am in the position of having to be her mother and I do not want to do it. She is also taking care of the paperwork for her mother who is in a nursing home at age 94 with alzheimer's and dementia. Mom keeps saying she wishes her mom would die. I can see mom starting to act just like grandma did years ago and I cannot take it. I am single because she has driven away every boyfriend I ever had. I just want to move to the other side of the country.

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Oh my gosh this is my mkm exceltbmy mom is SINGLE and is lonely all the time. My dad is disabled and thats also a big task im exhausted all the time and work two jobs. My parents call non-stop they demand a lot and it's really unfair because if Im mean I will feel bad when they die. Ps eBay wont help you are correct my mom is always asking something she even begged me to bid on something she changed her mind about selling! She wants to use my paypal because she wants to file bankruptcy and she has way too much crap all because she needs to make some money on ebay!
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Mishka I am laughing about your comment that she might want to go on talking about the vase...because she totally would...
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That is VERY interesting about the obsessive compulsive personality disorder. I never heard of that. Mom jokes that she has OCD because she is very obsessive about cleaning, for one example. However if you don't share her same opinion or behave the way she thinks you should, get ready for a chewing out. She thinks she is always right and that everyone else is wrong and has shown to me over the years that she has absolutely no ability to understand anyone else's perspective. She was on Celexa(?) for anxiety and said it did not help and quit taking it. All she wants is Xanax. I have tried convincing her that she needs to take responsibility for her mental happiness and find a medication that helps, but she won't. LOL you are right on with the enabling! We know we do it but when she is giving you what for, it is hard not to do it just to make her stop! :) Good idea about calling her though every evening for a few minutes. I will try it.
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Hi Cassie, I have OCD and it sounds like your Mom might have what is called Obsessive compulsive personality disorder. It is different from OCD as the person who has it thinks they are right and everyone eles is wrong where as a person with OCD knows that their thinking is messed up but cannot control it.-or cannot control it very well. I take Paxil for my OCD and it helps but I am not sure if it helps with a personality disorder or not. And would she take it? I do know that with my OCD I have a tendency to be super dependent on my husband. And he enables me. Like-if I am freaking out about something (usually related to our daughter-health wise) I make him call the doctor to find out if whatever I am worrying about it OK. I hate hate hate asking him to call. I try sooooo hard to stop myself but then I get into a panic attack and end up asking him to call. He usually yells at me but does it anyway to shut me up. ( that is what enablers do) This happens a few times a year now that I am on medicine -off my meds it can happen everyday. He knows he is an enabler and I know I am dependent but it is a hard pattern to break.
My suggestion is to try and set limits with your Mom. Can you make a point of calling every night and talking for 20 minutes? Maybe if Mom knows you are going to call at 7 PM she can wait. And then , maybe, once a week visit for 2hours? Set it up a head of time so if she calls and calls you can say "You need to wait until 7 tonight.". If she is going on and on about a vase or something I would say "Mom, I have 15more minutes to talk with you tonight. Do you really want to waste it talking about a vase?". She may want to and I would let it go because she probably won't ( can't?) change. But hang up when your time is up.

If your Mom wants to change I suggest her trying a SSRI drug and behavioral therapy. But, I have a feeling she may not want to change. Good luck. I know how tiring we obsessives can be. Try not enable her -it really is a bad habit to get into and a hard one to break.
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The mini-strokes are bad, since they're a major cause of vascular dementia.That is something big to be concerned about. Keeping the blood pressure and cholesterol down are so important. Maybe you can get your mom interested in healthy cooking and exercise -- this would kill two birds with one stone. It would alleviate the boredom while getting her healthier.
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I know, I know. It's going to get a LOT worse. I just have to try to be consistent and firm and assertive but not mean. And not be her doormat until I get so mad I blow up (which has happened before, unfortunately.) You are right about the boundaries thing. She's already gotten out of going alone with Dad to his Dr. appointments. I did that mainly to help relieve the strain for Dad. He doesn't need her drama causing him stress. But she manipulated it so I would go with. She said "I just feel better when you are there." I have heard that a million times. I told her I can't always be there, which was maybe the wrong thing to say - but it's a fact. Oh well. Sometimes if she gets herself worked up enough, she gives herself a mini-stroke. The doctor calls them ischemic attacks. She takes medication for it. I sometimes wonder if she will have a major stroke and die, or live but be unable to move or speak.
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Cassie, sorry but I'm laughing my fanny off at the head lice thing!!! haha. Your grandma may be a handful,but I think your mom is going to give you a run for your money. I can guarantee it. She is going to expect you to do it all and be all. Hope I'm wrong. Now is the time to implement some boundaries. I'm glad you're going to limit her calls. Don't fall for the guilt trips. Start telling her instead of asking her. None of this has to be done in a mean way, just stand your ground. This is her personality and it isn't going to go away, more than likely get worse. Hang in there. Caring for elder parents isn't for the faint at heart!!
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Wow I didn't expect so many comments, thank you everyone! I have thought about getting her a computer but, I figured she and dad would be calling me all the time wanting me to show them how to use it. Anytime you spring something new on her, she freaks out. Like going to a new restaurant. She won't go anywhere new because she is afraid of change. Also yes, she would probably blow too much money on Ebay. Thirdly, she has cataracts and can barely see the computer. She is somewhat anti-social or has social anxiety, or something. She has no interest at all in having friends or going out to do things. I ask her when I go over, "what do you want to do today? do you want to go for a walk? Go to the mall? Go to the movies? (Her answer to that last one is no, it's too expensive and I might catch head lice off the back of the seat.) SMH. I have decided to just not take her calls at work. I have caller ID. Thank you everyone for the support. I know I don't have it as bad as some do on here, but I can see it coming. My grandmother (her mother) is REALLY a handful.
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continue, class room reading class, if she see she has a good life and feels needed perhaps she will not call you so often. My Mom was an only child and when my dear grandmother passed she was my pain. She loved the Foster Grandparent thing and got a small stipend each month. Good Luck
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Your mom does not have enough outside interestcs to keep her busy. Get her in an excer cise class or bridge at the senior center. Encourage her to volunteer at a church soup kitchen or room to give clothing , soap etc to the needy. My Mom be came a Foster Grandmother for Head Start assist in a elementary class re
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In order to save your sanity and your job, I suggest you don't take your mother's calls. My mom did just what your mom does and I had to put a stop to it. Emergencies were the only exception. If I couldn't answer, I told her to leave a message and I'd get back to her which I did the 2 times she needed attention. The guilt trips, the Mickey Mouse crap and the "I'm bored so thought I'd bother you" came to a screeching halt. She knew I meant business when I told her "you won't ever hear the end of it if I get fired because of you".
The computer idea sounds good but insist she take lessons or you'll get more calls than before. And watch their money. eBay is addicting!
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The only problem with that is that our next message will be that Mother is spending all their money on eBay. :)
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No no no. Dad needs to buy a computer. My male cousin came out of the dark ages when he was 65, and your Mother needs to learn something new.
Geeze, I thought you were going to say she is 85. I do not understand -- wait, yes I do. My mother was helpless, but only after she married the last time to a wealthy control freak. Omg, she was in heaven, which may or may not have been her last trip there. I'm not judging. Anyway, it would be better for YOU if he will go down to Best Buy, pick one out for her (please oh please, Daddy, get Mommy a computer:)
Then she can take classes, focus on eBay, and she'll forget all about you. Wouldn't that be nice? Yes yes yes!!! xoxo
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i simply cant stand obsessive behavior either . someone bought the vase, stfu.
i like to keep it uncomplicated..
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