We brought my husbands mother back to her own home and we moved in with her to in homecare for her bause her daughter almost bankrupted her assets. I knew it would be difficult but nothing like what it has been like. Mom needs more attention than I can give. She fights literaly when bath time comes, we've done everything we know of to help her be comfortable but when she dosen't want to do something she won't. And if it means hitting, kicking.biteing.etc. she will......and she is as strong as an ox too!!! I feel like I'm letting my husband down but I haven't been able to take care of the rest of my family because mom needs so much care and supervision everyday. We do have some inhome caregivers who have been wondreful but she needs more than that. Moms dementia is farther reaching than what we knew.
It sounds like you need more skilled care to help -- this may mean someone to come in and work with your existing in-home caregiver (supplemental) or your existing home caregiver needs to be swapped out with more skilled care. Depending on the situation; you may have to look into a facility. Don't feel guilty or inept -- every case is different. Depending on your situation; you and your family may not be in a position to provide the supervision and skills needed to care for your MIL. Your husband likely will support you on this. IMO it is best for the whole family if the loved one gets the needed care and you and your family get to give the quality time/attention/love with your MIL that she deserves. Caregiving is the most difficult job and takes its toll -- just keep reading through the many blogs on this website. As for the bath -- is a shower possible? Shower or a bath with a stool in the tub where she can sit and feel secure? Would she consider wearing a sheet into the tub where you can disrobe "parts" at a time and help her bath? Hugs. This is stressful for you; be sure you are honest with your husband so that he understands too. You may need to let him take the weekends with her meeting her needs so that you get some respite and he understands the physical and mental investment this job takes.