I am her eldest of her 2 daughters, my sister has been gone and unable to relocate. I just can not see and take time to relocate my sister nor the time and energy. After caring for mom in the last 4 yrs and finally relocated mom to move to the State where I reside and finally found a nice comfortable and safe to live with my mom. I am the only caregiver provider for her, as I handle every need for my mom including her finances in which she is unable to handle let alone recognize on her own. I feel sadden and at times over whelmed, frustrated, over worked. Currently I left my job/employer to care for mom and need another source of income at home. I just can not see someone else caring for mom.
I'd start with a consult with an Elder Law attorney about your rights and obligations. I'd ask about asset protection for you and your mother.
You are now saying that you are overwhelmed with caregiving at this point. I'd listen to that. It's important to use reasonable standards when gauging what you can do. Since caregiving can be a full time job, I'd wonder how you can manage that plus another at home job. I'd also consider what would happen if you got sick and went to the hospital. Who would take care of your mother in that case? There are other options. I'd explore if you can get outside help to come in, as well as placement, depending on her needs. Has she had an assessment to see what level of care she needs?
To every thing there is a season. Your life and your Mom's are seperate. She raised you to be independent. If there are the funds I beg you to allow your Mom the dignity and perhaps comradeship a good ALF can provide her. She will STILL have your support. You can get the POA and handle her finances. Having done that for my bro in this last year before his death I know that this alone can be quite a strain until it all gets to be a smooth-running, well-oiled machine.
You have a lot of thinking to do. The future for you, if you insist on keeping your Mom near and in your care, then perhaps with you, is already writ large; you know what it will be. If not, stick around on the forum and you will. At 81 you could be in for two decades of this. How old will you be then? What will be left of you, your finances? Your chance of the happiness we get near the end when the nest is empty. The independence.
You are not a Saint. If you are, carry on. The world will happily shoot you full of arrows, then pray to you for eternity, that you can cure all their its woes.
I strongly recommend you get back in the workforce, as soon as you can (realize not easy now).
IMHO, you need to start looking for help. At first, adult day care may be a good answer.
You ARE overworked and probably should get someone in to spell you. Trying to work from home with a needy parent is very, very hard. You should minimally have someone coming in while you'd be working. While employers have become much more amenable to the WFH situation, they still expect a day's work for a day's pay.
Having someone coming to help mom with her ADLs and doing some light housework would be optimal. You could 'go to work' and still be there for mom.
And MOM should be paying for these services, not you.
You are right about the 'lost' sister. Not usually worth the effort to track her down, if she wanted to be involved, she would be.