Mom has been living in memory care for almost 2 years matter what I do or how often I visit she just doesn't seem to appreciate anything. She is declining and I know she is in the best place for her but she is just existing now Her quality of live is awful.. She can't even remember being married or having family. I have 3 siblings that rarely visit. ( I'm extremely angry with all of them) she's forgetting them too...I feel so alone in all this I want it over..Sometimes I wish and pray she would just go to sleep and not wake up in the morning. It's just so difficult watching my mom die. Enough already. Just venting and angry.

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Find Care & Housing
Sissy, Yes. It is really impossible for her. Her brain is broken.

You are not responsible for your sibling decisions. Even if you could get them to visit, that would not cure any part of Mom's dementia.

You do not have to "pick up the pieces" for the consequences of your siblings' decisions. You are only responsible for your own, while you are making them and any consequences they may have.

If you couldn't get your cat to wear earmuffs would you continually try and be frustrated when the cat didn't cooperate? You might be disappointed, "darn, that would have been a cute picture." You probably wouldn't be angry at other people who didn't try to help you.

Cats don't naturally enjoy wearing earmuffs. Persons with dementia aren't naturally able to maintain all the skills they have exhibited all their lives. It is not your fault. It is not your siblings' fault. It is the nature of the disease.

You are truly in a heartbreaking situation. I don't blame you for wishing your mother's suffering to be over. I would too. I hope you can let go of some of the frustration and anger to be more at peace with yourself as you are going through this.

I thank you all for your support!
I'm not angry maybe a better word is frustrated!😖my mom is not willing to even walk ,I want to take her places but she won't get in the car....she scared to do literally anything and everything I can't help her if she won't help herself.....Is it really impossible for her?

The anger I have is toward my siblings
They make no effort to visit her or even call on the phone
I'm concerned that mom is forgetting them and they are going to regret it .....and then I'm going to have to pick up the pieces
The whole thing is such a mess
Thanks again

Try not to be angry and refocus your emotional energy on acceptance of the fact that with dementia what your Mom is going through is part of the disease. There's nothing you can do to change that for her, as much as you want to. I realize its challenging - I encourage you to do small & simple things when you are with your Mom - perhaps reading something to her, showing her pictures, etc. I know its hard, been there and still in that situation - but once I got through the anger and resentment, I gave it up to God and acknowledged that its in His hands. After that, Peace was granted to me and I was able to reflect that back to my parents and enjoy the time I have left with them. All the best.

We get to a point with elders where we can no longer fix things or make life better. It’s hard to accept, hard to watch them failing. My folks went into care a little over 2 months ago. I thought for awhile they were settling in but right now both have rapidly increasing dementia. There is nothing anyone can do to make them happy.

It’s tough, but I’m trying to accept this reality.

Sewingsh, this is a tough journey. It is so hard seeing a beloved parent being just a shell of themselves. This isn't how it is suppose to be.

We also need to remind ourselves that getting old isn't easy. So many things we use to do we just can't do any more. Then throw in memory loss into the mix, and it isn't a happy place.

I remember watching my Mom, a woman who use to walk 2 miles a day with my Dad even when they were in their early 90's. Then all the sudden she couldn't even stand up, or even know who I was, a fall scrabbled everything so quickly. My Dad was so sad seeing her that way that he could only visit her for less than an hour. His caregiver would drive him to the nursing home, and the caregiver would feed Mom lunch.

So vent away. So many of us know exactly how you feel.

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter