Mom Is Gone...


My grief is overwhelming. I feel so alone without her here with me. The last 2 years dealing with her dementia and dealing with my daughters special needs I basically I buried my emotions and did what I was supposed to do as a daughter and a mother. When her dementia started I remember being so devastated because this disease turned my bestfriend into someone I never knew. The strong woman that was my rock disappeared slowly as I came to grips with what was happening. I will miss our long talks about my job, the way she encouraged me to keep advocating for my child when I disagreed with IEP reports. We were a unit. Mom, me and daughter. I feel depressed and lost but feel like I cant break down because I have a daughter who needs me. Preparing my moms funeral was the hardest thing I ever had to do. Does the pain of losing your loved one ever ease up? I feel like im just existing at this point. Its like a part of me died inside when she left. I know she is in no more pain but the pain I feel hurts so much.

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I am so sorry for your loss. Here’s what I want you to know...

Your mom hasn’t entirely left you. There’s still a piece of her way back in your mind that you can access any time you need her support.

My father was my most trusted and most cherished advisor. I lost him when I was 27 years old and didn’t think I’d ever be able to go on making wise choices in my life without his council. I’m 46 now and what I can tell you is that when the grief eased and I started to put one foot in front of the other again, I found that whenever I wondered what he would say about a situation or how he might advise me, an answer would come. Every. Single. Time.

All those years your mother guided you mattered more than you know just yet. I can guarantee you that as you move forward in your life, when you need her guidance, you’ll hear her in the back of your mind - you’ll just know what she would say or what questions she would ask to guide you. That’s what parents do. We council our children as they grow so that someday they’ll have a voice in their own heads to continue guiding them on their path, long after we’ve gone.

Knowing my dad is still there somewhere in the back of my head when I need him has brought me so much comfort and strength over the years. I hope you experience the same as you move forward without your mom. *hugs*

Dear Devastatedmom123,

My deepest sympathies and condolences. I'm very sorry for your loss. I know losing a beloved parent is one of the hardest moments in life. Please know we are with you and thinking of you.

It's okay to let the tears out and go through the emotions. If you want to maybe consider grief counselling or joining a support group. There are many resources in the community and church that hopefully will give some comfort and support during this difficult time.

People told me it took time. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but hopefully with more time the feelings will be less intense.

Sending you love and hugs.

I'm so sorry.

I am very sorry for your loss. I will be praying for you and lean on the Lord to get you through it.
I understand your grief in the loss of my Dad and I will be even more devastated when/if my Mom goes.
It has been over a year now and I still have grief stricken times brought on by certain triggers. I did not have a proper grieving due to not wanting to be sad around my Mom. But, it is the most difficult thing I have ever been through losing a parent. It absolutely feels like a part of you has also died. I think in some ways a part of our identity is taken when they go.
I believe we grieve especially hard, when we loved especially hard.
My oldest brother was special needs, and I commend you for the labor of love you do for your daughter. As well as Daughterof1930. It takes a tremendous strength, and I love you both for it. I watched my Mom and helped as much as I could with him. They are such a blessing though, he was a great joy in this life. As I assume your children are to you.
I pray for you strength and endurance. And again, God is a very present help in times of trouble.

Although it's difficult today to see beyond the sorrow, may looking back in memory help comfort you tomorrow.
Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
Love leaves a memory no one can steal.

My condolences to YOU AND YOURS. I cannot offer any words of advice as I have not gone through it, but I have friends that have lost a parent, or both parents, and have a child or children in the same position as you. I agree with the other posters here, it does take a while and do reflect on the good times and memories.


I offer my condolences as well. You're facing a challenging time, but know that your grief is expected and allow yourself a lot of leeway in dealing with life as it is now. Remember the thoughts you shared in your post, the bonds you had with your mother, how much she gave to you, and think how you can follow in her steps in your own life .

Don't push yourself on anything; give yourself plenty of time to adjust to the new norm, whichi sn't that easy.

Sometimes if you can find new projects to do with your remaining family you can divert some attention from your loss, but don't begrudge yourself as much time as you need to grieve and adjust.

Again, my thoughts are with you as you approach this challenging time.

Sorry for your loss. Yes, I lost my friend too. Moms Dementia was very hard for me to deal with. I became another person I didn't care for at times. Being the adult and them the child was hard. There were times I couldn't look at her, she had become so frail and old. She would have been horrified to know the things she did and said. I felt she lost her dignity and her modesty. Mom was 89 when she passed. I am trying to look back at the good years. Right now all I see is the last six years of decline and confusion. No amount of explaining helped. No, I am not a caregiver. I will not be doing it again, unless its my husband. I think I grieved over the six years Mom had dementia. My Mom believed in heaven. Her passing is just another journey. She is whole again.  

I am so sorry for your loss. With time, the grief becomes more of an acceptance and a quiet happiness at the memories of your loved one - often at unexpected times. {{{Hugs}}}

Devastated Mom,
So sorry for your loss.

You are right, your special needs daughter needs you, needs to see you coping strong as an example. If she has a caregiver, teacher, or advocate, get some time off right away so you can go have some quiet time, and tears if you need.

However, grief is part of life, and your daughter may not crumble if she sees you sad or some tears? How have you explained the loss of her grandma to her?

About your pain...easing up. The pain of loss does ease up over time, gets less sharp as you focus on the good about your Mom's life, but you may not forget the pain. Going forward put one foot in front of the other, find support people to spend time with, go easy on yourself, and carry on as best you can in an imperfect world.

Keep talking here with others whom I know have experienced their loss, and who have a special needs person in their lives.

You are going to be ok, after some time.

I’m so sorry to hear that. Just let all the grief out.