Help- Mom is becoming mean and hateful and unreasonable.
I have been caring for Mom for the past 7 years. The 1st year was spent flying between my home and my parents to help when Dad became terminally ill. I am an only child, Mom is 77. While Dad was in hospitals and hospice I took care of planing for the inevitable with my Dad, Mom would not accept he was not coming home. Dad had done everthing-the bills, caring for the house,shopping and cooking. Mom has never ever driven and has always been fearfulof...well everything. Just before Dad passed as we were planing what to be done, he told me"Mom is not like she used to be." I asked what he meant by that- he was vague and said she is not social-don't make her leave her house, take care of her. I realzed later she likely has alzheimers- her sister,father both suffered with this disease. she absolutely will not go to be tested. But all the signs are there.The next year was spent flying back and forth to take care of the house and her ect. She was isolated, no friends , no interests,and constantly afraid. some younger neighbors would take her to the grocery store2x a month( which was a bit weird but they had been friendly for years) and that was it unless I flew down. It became clear she was not doing well and I had to do something. I searched for months and found a cute 2 bedroom 1 level house 2 blocks from me.Perfect! We Mortgaged my house which was paid for to buy this house spent endless hours remodeling for her all the while flying her up for awhile then back to Florida. The time to list her house for sale came and i had to gently nudge her along, spent 2 weeks packing and moving her to her new home- it is so cute and perfect! She took a long while to get moved in I tried to let her be in control- but clearly she needed help to decide where to put things ect, she would just sit and worry. So we got it done. Her house in fla sold and we were able to pay everything off. 5 years later she seemed settled. she has a sum of money in the bank good income from pension and ss with little to no bills. I take her everywhere and make sure she gets out for walks and socializing-she does nothing w/out me. i have accepted that and the sacrifices. my husband works out of state in the winter - I am not able to be with him 100% as I have to be here for her- the travel back and forth again is expensive and tiresome-but gotta do it. she still worries so much about everything it is hard to take. sorry so long but that is the condensed version of the past 7 years. So now the newest problem- My house still has my mom and Dads name on it- we just never did anything about it. The house is waterfront and valuable but needed and still needs some repairs and upkeep as part of it is a rental unit. I take care of all expenses and repairs on my home -of course. mom is set her house paid for and all refinished. so 2 years ago I told mom weneeded to change the deed on my house that we needed to borrow to take care of things. We are responsible adults. Nope no way she would not agree -the house was free and clear she wanted it to stay that way. She does not at all understand how things workthese days and is fearful as I said of everything. SO- as I have power of attorney and it is my house - I took out an equity line- wemoved forward and took care of what we needed to do, with the idea of refinancing in 3 years-all good. Well by the slip of a phone call she realized we have an equity line on the house...mind you we have not been late on 1 payment and take care of everything.Mom has gone into hysterics and depression and will have nothing to do w/ me other than to take her to the grocery store- where she asks me to not come in with her. she is being very hateful and hurtful to me. the things she is saying are shocking to me- all I have ever done good has been erased. I am trying to be loving and care for her - but she is making it next to impossible. I cry most days-call her everyday to see she is ok and she gives me one word answers and hangs up when I go over she barely allows me in and then asks me to leave. she has agreed now that we will change the deed.but that is it-she says she will never get over this. I can not live like this it has been 1 month and my heart is broken.She will not go to a counselor or our priest to talk -I have asked- so we can get past this. I do not know what to do. I can not continue this way it is killing my health-hers also. But what do i do? she has a brother in another state- but to sell this house and move her again would likely be too much. please any advice-this is killing me I can not live like this for months much less years.