My mother's in a nursing home and refuses to take her meds.

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She has dementia and has horrible behavior. She hits and punches the aids and throws water on them. The director of nurses explained they will have to admit her to a hospital and give her meds to her through an IV. I am in tears about this whole situation. I hate to put my mother through this, but what other options do I have?

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Hang in there and you are correct to not visit until she settles down. When my sister was moved to a new group home, they asked that I not visit for two weeks to get her acclimated to the new place.
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Update on mom. Mom has been in the hospital since Saturday. The nurse told me she still refuses her meds. I asked to talk to the doctor about her, but he has not called me back yet. I feel awful and guilty for not visiting her, but if she saw me she would want to come home with me and it would break my heart to have to leave her. I'm glad I'm already on anti-depressants because I sure would need to get on them after this ordeal.
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sanantonian, let them help her in the hospital, I went through this with my sister and she felt so much better. It's one thing to oppose unnecessary drugs, but she is suffering due to chemical brain imbalance and it can be remedied. You would not hold back a pain medication, and believe me she is in pain.
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Thanks emjo! This is where she is, in Edmonton, Alberta. Any information you have would be useful. The home says a tracking device wouldn't help any. I thought as a temporary measure it might help until things get a little better. Especially if the person that monitors it is the RN on the ward. They have moved her to a sunny room and made a change in her meds hoping for the best but the increase in meds causes her to stumble so this isn't anywhere near perfected yet. I feel helpless to provide any ideas or suggestions because I am six hours away! Thanks for your reply.
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@lherzog - this is a quote from another post. Looks like the sort of thing you need. "There are also GPS tracking bracelets/watches and -- my favorite -- even SHOES now available that will first alert you if a person wanders outside a specific zone that you specify and then make it possible to track their location, if necessary." Here is the link to that thread. https://www.agingcare.com/questions/facility-better-than-in-home-for-alzheimers-care-161824.htm

You may want to contact the poster, PaulaK, for more info. Here is a link to her wall. https://www.agingcare.com/Members/PaulaK
Good luck
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sanantonian - ((((((((hugs)))))) sometimes there are no great options, but ones that are better or worse. I think this is for the better. It is not what anyone would want for their parent, or for anyone, but we have no control over the progress of the disease, which is causing behaviour that is unmanageable, - obviously the case for your mother. "Desperate times call for desperate measures." and I think that is what you are facing. I am sorry, and know you are grieving the changes in your mum that make this necessary. If I were in your shoes, I would do the same thing. It is a hard call. More ((((((((hugs)))))) Do let us know how it works out.

@lherzog - I am in Alberta and have not heard of anything like that but will ask around. I have a friend in Edmonton who has a lot of knowledge of/experience with seniors issues.
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My Aunt is in a care home in Alberta, Canada. She has been diagnosed with Alzheimers and is in the state where she currently has periodic bouts of violence. She has been aggressive enough to choke another patient (because they were making too much noise) and it took three staff members to pull her off. Because of low staff to patient ratios they lose track of her quite frequently and it is at these times when she gets into trouble. Does anyone know of any patient tracking gadget for use in Canada so that we could alert staff as to her whereabouts on the ward and perhaps has sensors outside rooms that are not her own if she attempts to enter another persons room. I have to do something and fast or they will move her temporarily to acute treatment and once they discharge her I will have to start all over again with her in the community. Likely this would mean starting in a non-private room which is even worse than her current situation. Repetitive noise of any type sets her off and a room-mate would be dynamite as we have learned in the past.
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First of all, I want to thank all of you who replied to my post. You have helped me so much in dealing with this situation. Here's an update to my dilema....I went to visit my mother today, but decided against going into her room. Before I got there she told the nurse she was going home today and was waiting for her ride. If I went in, she would think I was there to take her home. She still refuses to take her meds and a psychiatrist already has signed off on taking her to the hospital to have them administered to her. They are just waiting for a bed to open. I feel horrible. I can only hope and try to convince my self this is the best thing for her.
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Emjo, good to see you again! You were so helpful last summer when we first rescued mthr!

We have learned that "competent" is a legal term, not medical, and no doc wants to touch that with a ten foot pole! I wonder if this is an edict for their malpractice insurance? Our GP told us that the only doc he thought would determine competence was a psych. We had a court ordered psych evaluation, and since the results were never introduced into evidence, they probably were destroyed. Any way, no one except APS has access to the original.

As long as someone has not been ruled incompetent, they can change their will, revoke a POA, or change their directive. Of course, if they don't remember those documents, they won't!

Wow, an unaccompanied cross country flight. I let my two teenagers do that together once, but Granny would scare me even if she were living by herself and fully competent! :)
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@ surprise - Mother. at 101 yrs old tried to fly across the country alone. She didn't really have a plan, but said a niece and/or nephew would care for her. This nephew refused to take POA for which I do not fault him. She says she will still go if she gets a chance. I have POA and personal directive. Fortunately the airlines wouldn't sell her a ticket as she doesn't have a driver's license or an up to date passport. We all feel this was not rational and not safe for her, but the docs claim she is competent (barely!). I agree that your mother is at risk. Hopefully the staff will keep a better eye on her now.
@sanantonian - could your mother be fed the meds in her food?
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