I went to my job and my mom was alone (I thought my more capable dad was home) and he left to go to the dentist.
I took a break at work as per my boss's insistence to find 7 VMs that life alert got an emergency call from fire rescue and were transporting Mom from home (I live like a rat in the basement sleeping on the couch if I can consider it home)...to a major hospital further from them. I happen to be working 5 mins from that major hospital. That she activated the emergency necklace told me this was bad. That she was being sent to the major hospital w chest pains.
I actually ran out of work and flew 90 miles an hour (ok not 90) to the ER ad got there before her. When they got me to her she was surrounded by 20-28 medical staff. EMS was amazing and stayed with her. She did not recognize me at first because of the confusion.
I held her had as she had a second heart attack.
Having a severe headache, they took her to MRI to rule ut stroke.
Not a stroke.
Transport cath lab stat... open up any blockages and so forth.
My dad was not reachable for a long time. My cousin got hold of me and him ad agreed to transport him to ER and not tell him immediately that she had a STEMI.
At 95 we dont need him careening down the road in his town car hearse like vehicle. God love him.
I eventually get a hold of my other two sisters in neighboring states. One is a nurse and married to a cardiologist.
Meanwhile - code blues going off a few times in cardiac lab and floor.
My co worker - works as a nurse at the hospital. She showed up to sit with me because she knows my siblings really dont get what its like. Essentially - as many of you have experienced yourselves - you get hit with the bulk of caregiving and little to no respect, help or ...help. They have great lives and it sucks to be me.
She stablizes. One sister who was sobbing on the phone shows up with y dad after driving 2.5 hours to the area. Yaye.
I let everyone in fam know what was going on. I love my cousin but she left the hospital after abut 1/2 hour telling me not to go home unless someone was there to drive my dad home. ARE YOU KIDDING ME. That's correct. You know little to nothing about my integrity yet? I work in health care. . I cannot count the times I had been there with her om the last yr of her life when my cousin was not on the radar.
Nurse sister shows up after I had to hear he husbands interpretation of the status of my mom. Sure I appreciate his input. But then it was insulting that I am not a healthcare proxy for my mom. My dad was. He wasnt available. My sister is the second in command and she does NOTHING to help on a reg basis. I told ER doc to ask my mom what her wishes are before surgery if she is awake and alert (she was). In the absence of that, we would wait to speak to my dad or sister.
My sister forgot to take one of her anti depressants and left the new script back at her home. I said get an emerg dose sent here and I will pick it up.
I did. That nightmare can be told another day. CvS sucks.
I get home. I call my sister. She is w my dad getting food with my dad and other sister. Did they even call to ask if I wanted anything?
I get home to a disaster in the house and clean it up.
One sister is leaving tomorrow. The other is probably going to leave as well. Still no word on how mom wiill fare next few days.
They get back. I texted that I would be cancelling a long awaited and planed trip where I am running a race because they were probably going back to their lives. Neither had to work BTW. I did but clled out. If I dont show up I dont get paid. My sister is her husbands NURSE. The other has help in her dog boarding business.
SO I cancelled my trip, lost my deposit 250$ plus entry fees for race etc. due to cancellation. It is snowing here suddenly. So that sucks too.
I had no idea their plans and it was late. I had to make a decision re trip and work. Neither seemed to absorb the timeliness of the issue.
One says oh go ahead on your trip I will stay through sunday. I dont come back until Monday so that doesnt work for me. Dad will try to haul to the ER to see her and then she also has to return home if all goes ok. Or not.
The siblings come back home w dad. They yell down into the abyss basement - i dont yell. Talk like a human in lower tones please. Come down here but dont yell down and presume my lack of reply has to do with being mad...I simply refuse to yell and I was busy.
I go back up and one of them yells WHY ARE YOU MAD. I do not operate like this. It is not the time or place or manner in which one should be addressed. It is the scapegoat (me) role that I have no right to be treated with respect and made to feel like my feeling unhappy is ok.
I take care of BOTH parents and my retarded brother lives in a state home down the road and I visit him etc. Im not his proxy either and neither sister has seen him in years even when they come to visit. Thanks dad.
I wanted to vent