My mother has kidney failure, dialysis 2x weekly, tired, cant walk far, and is not cooking good meals for both. Father has dementia and is starting to venture out on his own without my mother's knowledge, also getting feisty with her. She wants no help from the outside to come in to help, and won't put Dad in a home. HELP! What can be done??? Can the doctor intervene?

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Zoe, do you have any medical authority under a Living Will or medical POA?

It's interesting that you raise the issue of intervening, b/c if either of them were to be hospitalized, and brought to the hospital by EMS, there's a possibility that you as a caregiver would be deemed responsible for them, legal authority or not.

I've found that anyone, ranging from neighbors to family to EMS to hospital staff, often blame the family even if the family hasn't been able to make changes or create a proper level of care.

Zoe, oh dear, many of us have run into that problem.... parents don't want caregivers, and they claim they aren't ready to move into senior living. My folks were in their 90's, guess they were waiting until they were 100 before moving from their house.

You will have to do what many of us had to do... WAIT. Wait until there is a serious fall or a serious illness where you need to call 911.

Once in hospital, then time in Rehab, then after Rehab is an excellent time to move a parent [or both] to Assisted Living [you can use a therapeutic fib saying Assisted Living is an extension of Rehab]. That is if your parents can budget for such facility. For one person, Assisted Living runs around $7k per month. A second person living in the same studio apartment will cost less. Lot of perks in Assisted Living.

If I would have tired to get the doctor to intervene, my Mom would have said "what does she know?" in regarding to her doctor..... [sigh]. After a very serious fall, Mom had to move to long-term-care. Then Dad had me call for caregivers which he wanted at home, then later he decided time to move to senior living. Thus it was my Mom who was the driving force behind all of the "nos".

No, doc cannot intervene. Who has POA's? Sad, but many times it requires a crisis to get them the care they need. As long as they have not been found incompetent they have the right to make their own decisions no matter how bad they are.

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