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Had a great 2week of not worrying trying not to think it was hard but I did it. But now the bitch is back.
When we are young our parents help us with many things from advice to money when ever we needed them. When they get old we think this is the time for me to pay them back right. If you are "MIDDLE CLASS" unfortunately the money just isn't there and you wind up not knowing how the hell you can help.
So what happens if you aren't ready for a nursing home? What if your body says you can live alone but your brain has other plans? A nursing home is not the place where you want your parent to be because they are still full of life and still able to enjoy life. Assisted Living would be great right? Well you are "MIDDLE CLASS" do your parents bring in $5000.00 a month? Did they plan for this? Can you as the child cover the money they need?
Chances are your children are also "MIDDLE CLASS" if they are LUCKY hahaha.
SO WHAT THE HELL DO YOU DO AS THE CHILD?
If there is anything I can learn form this it would be to be ready to be put in a nursing home and if you are lucky enough your family will come to see you form time to time.

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I really mean just going away. I don't want them to think they have to take me in or set me up some where so they can feel guilty about not visiting. I will be out of their lives.
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Hopefully I'll be in good enough mental condition to do the 'Going Away' thing myself when the time comes. Not that I'll have anyone who will really miss me or need me to stay around, but I just don't see the sense in sticking around after any hope of joy, comfort, or even contentment is gone.
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Believe me, after living in the hell that is our life, they want me to go away,
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Reallytired, I understand why you said what you did about 'going away' but I'm thinking that it's really not practical. I mean, depending on your relationship with your children, they are NOT going to want you to move away. What you need instead is a plan. Sit down as a family unit and talk about the future of when/and if you should need care taking. Tell them your concerns and give them the opportunity to tell you what they want to do. There is no reason that getting old and sick should have to be bathed in guilt, despair, anger etc. It's just a part of living.
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I am in almost the same situation with a few other monkey wrenches thrown in to complicate things further. But, I have promised my own children that when I get to this stage, I will no longer be in their lives. I plan to go far away from anyone I know and not destroy them with guilt and burden them with caregiving far beyond their mental, physical or financial ability.
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What you can learn from this is do what my mother did years ago. Buy a long term care policy and put a wavier of premium rider on it so that when you do go they no longer charge you for it. Another thing is do what my mother did back in 1996 when she bought her policy by putting it on auto draft from your bank. My mother has been in a nursing home following her stroke and broken hip since May of 2009 and has received more money in payments than she ever paid in premiums. That was 13 years ago when she was 66. I think if you start younger your premiums might be lower. Plus, my mother always lived very frugal which put a lot in investments ect. which is where her inheritance went also. What the long term care insurance does not may each month, the principle of her investments cover.
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My mother-in-law HATES spending $3500.00 a month on asst living, but I tell her that we are so thankful that she has the money for her care. Otherwise we would end up paying for it, and that's a lot of money. DMP, have you checked into 'adult foster care' instead of asst living? It's usually a little cheaper, smaller group of people and more one on one care.
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When the mind is gone it leaves us in quite the predicament.

All I know is spend down and medicaid. Find an elder attorney to give you more info. Get those ducks in a row & brace yourself. This won't be pleasant but it has to be done.
Try to keep as much balance in your own life as you can & not allow them to take us out with them.
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I know what you mean! Middle class today is having just enough not to qualify for government programs but not enough to afford to pay for the cost of care. I plan to tell my sons to make sure they don't expect to inherit any money from me even if I still own my house cuz I'll need to use it for care, reverse mortgage.
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