Message vs. Private Message: who sees what?

I can only see your regular messages if I go to your Profile, Geaton. You could respond by going to the sender's Profile and posting a reply. Same with PMs, they're just hidden from any other users.

This thread prompted me to look through my PMs. It was really touching to remember how many AC users have been supportive, and for years now. Also, remembering different users who are no longer active on the site but who once were regulars, and whose situations I know and have shared about with them. And different threads that were active but have been closed.

The good from the feature -- which for me is as a "memory treasure box" for AC -- far outweighs any bad, I think. Any PM "nasty grams" should be reported, IMO. There is constructive dialogue and then there's lashing out, and like Glad said, users here are often in stressful situations and sometimes take it out on anonymous others. And some people are just aholes, too. :-)

Too many of us lack the ability to just walk away. Some just have to be right, the other wrong when there really s no right or wrong, it always depends. Every experience is different.

Unfortunately, when living with so much stress it is easy to get argumentative and confrontational with others.

Well, I'm learning a lot from the responses!
IMHO no one on this forum should ever start a cat fight in an OP's thread, yet it happens a lot -- sadly. They should PM each other if they have a bone to pick with another commenter.

Hey CWillie, I'm not as hurt as I am aggravated. As in, if this woman wants to have it out in public, then she should have the guts to put it on the public forum instead of one designed to be public, but with no response feature.

If she wanted to bawl me out in private, then that's one thing. But she wanted to do that in public, where she was more protected.

I understand what you are saying PeggySue.
I think most of us have gotten nasty messages at some point, IMO they hurt just as much no matter how/where they are posted. I personally try to avoid conflict as much as possible so I tend to steer clear of people and threads that seem to be going that way.

BTW, you can adjust your settings to not accept any messages. (hit the privacy tab in your settings)

Hi CWillie.

As I said, my disagreement is in having messages that anyone can see as opposed to PMs. Since anyone can see, that opens the messages to "likes" but there is no way to respond except on the attacker's own profile. So someone who starts a fight, uses misogynistic profanity, will not be called out as they SHOULD be when they put that crap in, defacto, public.

It's not on me to put in my profile that any such abusiveness directed to a person in public is itself abusive. I would rather they come out with it in public, in the forum, so that I can shut them on down without resorting to their cheap use of slurs meaning to demean one's sex.

Not always JoAnn, there used to be a very active group of regulars who seemed to relish going out of their way to be confrontational and disagreeable.

Peggy,

I would rather someone private message me than start harassing me on someone's thread and me responding. Thats not what this forum is about. Usually people that harass like u discribed are Trolls anyway.

Thanks very much cwillie. I have reported her.
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If you click/tap the three little dots on the upper right of your messages you should see the option to delete, report or make private the messages you have received.

But I would advise you don't throw them out before they have been reported so you still have proof you are being harassed.

It appears that if you don't click private message, that everyone can see them, and start a "like contest" by trashing you, calling you misogynistic profanity and so forth. It appears others can join in with fully anonymous likes, unlike in the main forum.

Yeah no.

We should be allowed to report or block people right then. I never want to hear from this person again in this cheap trick she took. If I'm going to have fights in public, then let them be public.

The messaging thing is messed up with this "message versus private message" option. If it's just a message, let it be aired in the public square versus some rando pestering me.

Here is one example. Someone from La posts a question about Medicaid. The issue involves a home and the poster sounds stressed.
I immediately think of Igloo.
I go to Igloos page in order to give her a heads up that her help is needed. Once I get on her page, I see that Barb has already left her a message re same.
No need for me to leave the same message. Igloo already has it.
If Barb had made it a private message, I wouldn’t have known that Igloo had already been notified.

Many use the private function to question a poster with another member. Sometimes posters make. Some absolutely ridiculous and demeaning comments on threads. Those statements make others angry, instead of feeding the discord many will PM privately with another thread participant. I will send you one shortly Geaton.

Through a PM you can also exchange information like your email address, Facebook page, etc, that are not permitted in the open forums.

Not everyone is concerned with keeping messages private... a lot of people used to post personal messages of support or condolences there.

In the days before the "reply" feature people sometimes messaged directly in order to not derail the OP's thread.

Some people choose to direct message those they feel have given them a sympathetic ear rather than reply on their thread that hasn't (or to berate those they disagree with). I personally won't usually reply to such messages, I'd rather keep things on up front the forum.

Thanks, Cwillie! But I'm still wondering what purpose that serves...

If you don't PM your messages they are posted on the profile page of the person receiving them and anyone who visits can see them.