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(((((hugs))))) lea. I had decided when I was a young adult to never take my mother into my home. Living with her as a child was more than enough. I got called on my decision my her off and on over the years but I stuck with it, So when the time came that there was awareness that she needed more care she planned her move to an AL. As her dementia progressed I was involved in moves to other more suitable facilities. Anyone (there weren't many as most family knew mother too well) who dared criticize my choices heard some realities from me.

Walk a mile in my shoes before you judge me,
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"lealonnie1,"

"There are bad PRIVATE HOMES out there too, where the sons and daughters are screaming bloody murder at their mother all day long, and leaving her alone like a dog in the bed, maybe not even feeding her or changing her soiled brief all day long!"

"We read lots & LOTS of posts here about angry sons & daughters full of resentment over giving up their lives for their parent(s) care. Who knows WHAT is going on in those homes; who's looking out for the elder THERE? Nobody."

That made me cry!
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I can send you copy/pasted posts Alva, unfortunately.
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I mention it b/c my cousin was 'caring' for her mother at home by leaving her in the bed alone all day. She called me & my DH one day to say her mom was dying & to come say our goodbyes. We did; she seemed to really BE dying. For some reason *I forget why now* my cousin placed her in The Dreaded Nursing Home because she didn't die after all, and she RALLIED, and went on to live 3+ more years in the SNF on Medicaid! True story.
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Very good points. Lots of dysfunctional home and family situations are described on this forum, but get a pass I guess because “it’s family”.

I am a home caregiver and I know how hard it is, even with a great sibling to share the care with equally and a wonderful non-abusive parent without dementia.

Someone who has reached their limit or who knows a particular caregiving situation is not sustainable gets applause from me, not scolding.
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I have to be missing something? I haven't seen caregivers getting bashed of late.
I sure do agree with you, Lealonnie. For me your first paragraph says it all and says it perfectly. For myself I don't feel beholden to others to explain why I can't do 24/7 caregiving in the home for anyone. If I choose to make any explanation, it is only to say "I know my limitations, and my limitations are great and very many; I could never be capable of in home 24/7 care."
Along with some others I am first in encouraging people not to give their lives up to this care. We all know how guilty some feel when they come to us on Forum. But ultimately I just tell people "You are the only one who can make this decision".
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Excellent advice and comment, lealonnie. I am glad you posted this.
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