My father had a stroke in March 2012 which has left him paralyzed on his right side. He also cannot talk and does not respond to anyone. Since the stroke he has been in a nursing home - my parents moved in with me in 2009. My parents house was sold in 2010, before my mother passed away. When my parents moved in, I had to quit my job to be able to give them 24/7 care. Not anticipating the need for a nursing home or medicaid, there wasn't a written caregiver agreement that was signed between my parents and me. My parents told me that they would reimburse me my lost pay to take care of them and insisted that I take the money from them. They also wanted to pay "their way" (groceries, living expenses, etc.). My brothers are mad that I received money from our parents to take care of them. Both brothers said that if our parents were living with them, they would not have accepted any money from them (both are better off financially than I am). Needless to say, during the time that my parents lived with me, neither of my brothers offered any assistance and the only time they visited my parents was when my mom was dying - literally she was on her death bed and they both came knocking at my door with their families (one brother lives 30 minutes away and the other 10 minutes away, so distance was not a factor). Now that my dad is in a nursing home and needs medicaid, I do not know what to do. My dad does not have enough money to pay for the nursing home privately, so I am applying for medicaid for him. Since there was not a caregiver agreement signed, and I don't have the money to reimburse him for paying me over the last three years, what happens with Medicaid eligibility?

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Thanks, Carol.

From this forum, I see so many other caregivers speaking of the same problems with siblings not willing to help out. It's comforting to know that I am not alone. I just wish I would have found this site years ago.

In many states, if you can show you kept him out of a nursing home for at least two years, you will be okay. Any documentation you have should help. I can't say how MD does this, however. You certainly deserve what you were paid as hired help would likely have cost your parents much more and likely put your dad on Medicaid sooner.
It's too bad your brothers don't have a clue about what you gave up to do what you did. People who don't do the hands-on care often don't. I hope you don't have to hire see an attorney, but if you run into problems with Medicaid you can try an elder law attorney. I do have hope, however, that if you can make a case for all of the caregiving you did keeping you dad out of a nursing home, you should be okay. Good luck,

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