Follow
Share

What I thought will never happen any time soon did! After about 6 months and one denial of application, my mother's Medicaid was approved. Then one week after approval, a spot opened at a near Long Term Care Facility. One week later, she was moving in to her new living arrangement.


And just like that, I felt the weight lifted of all the resentment, the arguments, the stress, and I was able to see my mother again for just that...my mother.


I will always be her advocate where she is now, we check up on her more than once a week. She is certainly adjusting, but doing far better than we thought. Now she gets Physical Therapies, which we hope it will help with her condition. Even though her condition will not improve, at least it keeps her moving until she can't anymore. She has Spinocerebellar Ataxia (SCA), type unknown, but not hereditary.


For those of your out there who may be feeling lost, don't stop until you've done all you can. Yes, Medicaid (for those who can qualify) takes time, that's why you need to plan as ahead as you can. Keep all finances clear. If you have siblings, cut the financial cord if any of them have one.


She is safe where she is at, she is cared for...we are still doing some tweaks and learning of how things work at the facility...but she is eating and is comfortable.


Now we can go back to being mother and daughter.

Find Care & Housing
Congratulations on the Medicaid acceptance and getting the placement for your mother. I so know how you feel. My mom entered her facility in November 2018. She got her Medicaid acceptance in April 2019! And the true statement you made, that I feel deep in my soul, "She is safe where she is at, she is cared for...we are still doing some tweaks and learning of how things work at the facility...but she is eating and is comfortable.

Now we can go back to being mother and daughter."

Now, I am able to work on my health, do better on my job and just live my life a little better without being stressed all the time. I did start therapy and plan on staying in therapy because of my mother's dementia, I want to be prepared when she reaches stages and handle them with love and care.

May you continue to have wonderful moments with your mother!
(1)
Report

Great Testimony!
Thank you for sharing this.
(0)
Report

To use a term the Norse use - Hip Hip Horrah! For you!
(1)
Report

Hi GeminiUnicorn, I just read what you said about getting medicaid and I think you could probably help the person over on this thread (if you want to, no pressure)

https://www.agingcare.com/questions/applying-for-medicaid-ahead-of-time-448290.htm
(0)
Report

We will certainly visit her at least once a week.  The facility is close to our work place (in case of an emergency), and a short drive from our home.  LTC facilities are like day cares, you need to drop unannounced from time to time, just to check up on the service provided.  So far there hasn't been any major issues, just some need for clarifications.

She is happier now, not depressed (as I know she was and did not admit to it!), and seems to at least join in some activities.

I'm happy my post has given some a bit of hope that things can get better - for loved one and caregivers!

Hugs to all!
(1)
Report

Excellent! Relationship is paramount!
(1)
Report

GeminiUnicorn ~ You have done all you can. Compassion fatigue is real. However, I would advise to continue to visit Mom regularly to make the LTC facility know you are watching over them. Compassion fatigue happens with the nurses and aides, too. I found a "couple" of aides who were very good at tending to my Mom, but they were disciplined because they took too much time with her (imagine!!). These compassionate souls left their positions and I was very sad. We were left with aides that took their sweet time answering call bells while chitty chatting with each other by the nurses' station. It's very sad what goes on in nursing homes as most family members will only visit once or twice a month, if that. I've seen it over and over again. Staff knows who visits residents and who doesn't. Those residents with no visitors are lonely and are often ignored and given routine care with lackadaisical effort. I'm glad my Mom only lasted 90 days in LTC. I couldn't have beared to see her treated that way for years. Sigh.
(1)
Report

Teal60, if you Mom transferred the house to you and your Elder Law attorney prepared the documents and filed them appropriately, then no worries. Let your sister try to sue you. Where does it say she is entitled to half of your Mom's house? If your Mom was of sound mind when she signed the documents, then that's that. YOU are her caregiver and the house is "off the table" for Medicaid purposes as you were her caregiver. Speak with your Elder Law attorney. He will advise you. She can do nothing. If she wants to pay an attorney to "sue" you, she will lose.
(2)
Report

Teal60, if the house was transferred to you, i.e. if your name is now on the deed as sole owner, than the house is yours. I hope you documented what your mother's pre-nursing home expenses were, including the time you gave her. Your sibling expected you to care for her without help and with no reimbursment for your time. If your mother had had to pay an outside person for years of care, what would that have cost? Make sure you have something on paper to document things, unless your mom simply turned the house over to you (and was of sound mind when she did this).
(1)
Report

My mother went to a nursing home 3 weeks ago. I am applying for Medicaid with an elder care attorney. I am the caregiver, so I am a Medicade exemption, so her house was transferred to me. Now my sister wants half of her house proceeds and she did not take care of my mother. I was the only caregiver. She is threatening to sue me. Does anyone have advice?
(0)
Report

It's wonderful that you shared this as so many people are struggling with the decision on whether to move a loved one into a different living arrangement. Success stories are what we need to hear as we go through guilt, anger, stress, and even physical challenges of moving someone. I was dealing with this back in December and I'm happy to say, that after several months of hell, my Mom is also in a good place now and seems to love it. It is amazing to me how it happened and all the angst that we went through getting here. But, she's safe, happy and healthier than I've seen her in a long time. So, for all of you who are dealing with making this kind of decision now, know that there are good - even great - outcomes.
(4)
Report

Thank you! I soooooo needed to hear this today! I am getting ready to put my mom in an AL and feeling guilty. She doesn’t want to go, we argue all the time ( we did my whole life 😞) she’s lived with me for 6 years and just can’t do it anymore. I’m trying everyday to deal with her., be happy, deal with her Alzheimer’s the best I can, keep my wonderful marriage together , and take care of my multiple sclerosis! I appreciate that post mire than words can say!!!
(3)
Report

Now your job will be visiting your mother in her nursing home, paying attention to how her needs are met, and advocating for her when needed. Our jobs are by no means over just because the person seems okay in the new environment.
(3)
Report

Wow! I know exactly how that feels. I was so stressed waiting on Medicaid because my niece had been taking money from my mother. They did deny once but then approved. It took 6 months and I thought I might have to pay for those 6 months. I literally fell to my knees when I found out she was approved. Also struggled with guilt not taking her in my home but I live in a different state and she would have had to be a resident here for I think a year. She was in a nursing home for 5 years and I took care of everything for that time. It is a huge responsibility but I'm glad I did it for her. It took a toll on me though.
(4)
Report

Thanks GeminUnicorn for your answer. My mom doesn't have any properties either, and only has SS income. I was worried about the attorney fee to help with the application when the time comes.
(0)
Report

@Beatty, I'm glad you found an answer to what you are probably feeling.  It was quite a revelation to me when I found that term...it was like "now I know why I feel the way I feel".  Is good to have answers from time to time!

Big hugs, and you got this!
(1)
Report

@polarbear - I actually did it all on my own, no attorney hired because of my mom's financial situation (no properties or big accounts), it was pretty straight forward to explain what she had.  It was a stressful process because there isn't much information out there on how things go.  I was lucky to have such great Financial and Social Workers assigned to her case.  They were very helpful and answered my many questions! 

My mom was paying privately for in-home care (just 2 hrs a day on weekdays-that's all she could afford), so we applied for Medicaid to help with in-home care.  Since the NH waitlists were long, we figured we used Medicaid for in-home care while we waited.  It turned out one of the NH that did not want to place her on the waitlist until Medicaid was approved was the one who had the opening.  We still have her on the other waitlist (because it is a nicer facility), but in the meantime she is getting used to living in a NH.

I don't know about the time limit, since we were going to be using their services as soon as approved.   We were able to add a few extra shifts at night while we phased out of private care agency.  But before the 2-week notice was up with private agency, the NH called.  And it was a smooth transition from in-home care to NH.

The one piece of advice I did get before I started the Medicaid process was to apply, no matter if you are ready or not.  That way you get to go through the process and see what they require, what you need to work on, what benefits can you use.  Even if they decline the first time around, you can always re-apply.  We had to do that, and I wish I had started earlier!  I kept waiting to have everything in place and I still needed to gather a few more documents in the process.  I would say it took about 6 months from the moment I first applied to her being placed in a NH.
(1)
Report

GeminUnicorn - so glad for you to have that stressful weight lifted off your shoulders.

A couple of questions. Did you use an attorney to help you apply for Medicaid? Also, once qualified, is there a time limit as to when your mother has to move into the NH or lose Medicaid?
(0)
Report

I just heaved a big sigh of relief for you! Well done! Enjoy your time as a daughter now.

I am hoping I can write a similar ending to my story too. I had to look up 'compassion fatigue'. Check.

Thankyou for highlighting this - you have helped me today :)
(3)
Report

That is great news, well done!
(1)
Report

Congrats! I know the feeling. My Mom had been in an AL. I still laundered her clothes. Bought depends. Paid her bills. Once in LTC I let the home be payee for her SS and pension. The NH supplied her toiletries if needed. Since the residents looked clean and smelled good, I allowed them to do her laundry. All I had to do was visit.

TG my daughter works in rehabs. I told her they kept forgetting Moms bra. She asked me where were they, I said in the drawer with her socks. That was the problem. They don't see the bras until they put the socks on. They work from the top down. I always put Moms clothes in sets. So I then started adding the bra. No problem after that.

Never accuse. Ask, how something is done. You want the staff as friends not enemies.
(5)
Report

GeminiUnicorn, how wonderful that your Mom moved to senior living and has adjusted. And that you feel that your Mom is safe where she is and well cared. That is great :)

Oh why can't all seniors be like that. My Dad was ready to pack and move after my Mom had passed, even though he had around the clock caregivers he was tired of trying to maintain a house. It was a relief for him to move, and how he loved his new apartment :)

On the other hand, my Mom was the opposite, move from the house? Hope, never, nada. Both were in their mid to late 90's, both were fall risks, and that house had stairs. Bring in caregivers to help while Mom was alive, not in your life. She became a hornet when Dad and I tried.... [sigh].

Life lesson, not to do what my Mom did, but to follow my Dad's lead.
(5)
Report

Start a Discussion

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter