I read one of the comments about a mean mother and boy oh boy can i relate.. i'm the youngest of 3 girls oldest sister lives in another state middle sister lives here with me... she goes to check on my mother but just sits there as if to be visiting.. when she leaves my mother will call me to tell me how my sister stole this, hid this etc etc. when i dont agree she says we both did it.. she hides food under couch in drawer then says someone took it. she's never been really mean but always uncaring and now she's just mean.. its driving me crazy to take care of her my father has an aide that comes to take care of him and would take care of her too, but she won't let her.. i dont think she's ready for NH.. she can be very calm and has her memory whenever dr or others come around.. sometimes we wonder if she really has dementia...i dont know when its time to put her in nh they live in a 2 bdroom apt, she doesnt leave the house on her own, wont cook and knows her money so i personnaly do not think she's ready for a NH.. how do you know when its time?
When the asinine nonsense, the stubbornness, the paranoia about the stealing start up, that's dementia. If she's hiding food in drawers and under the couch then instigating fights about it being stolen, that's dementia.
She may not belong in a nursing home just yet, but she does need to be medicated now to turn down the paranoid and nasty behaviors. It's also time for more homecare to be coming in.
It wouldn't be a bad idea to check out a few assisted living or memory care facilities for her and get her on a few waiting lists. Decent places usually have waiting lists.
In the meantime, don't try to reason with her because there's no point. When she's starts up and tries to instigate by accusing you of some nonsense or othr, just tell her plainly "that's a lie" then refuse to discuss it further. Completely ignore her if you have to. When she calls you on the phone to complain about your sister stealing or some other nonsense, tell her that you will not listen to her complain or lie about your sister and end the call. Don't argue with her or validate her delusions by giving them any attention.
Whatever you do, DO NOT move your parents in with you. Don't do that.
Your parents may be ready for an Assisted Living facility rather than a nursing home or memory care. There are options that are between home and a nursing home.
If you live with your parents, or invite you parents to live with you, then the trajectory is inexorably downward. You can see that. You cannot be responsible for their physical, mental well being. You will need to have a hard discussion now with whichever of your parents is mentally capable of making decisions for the couple's future. I wish you all good luck.