My marriage is falling apart since I have been taking care of my mom.

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I feel all my husband and I do is fight. I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm overwhelmed and I don't want to lose him because of this.

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I am sorry to hear that. My mother passed away 5 years ago. She was only 67, but the last 5 years were so hard on her. When the illness goes on for so long, it can seem unreal when it was over. I had mixed feelings from sadness to relief. And then guilt because I felt relief. Now, I remember and honor the good memories. I try not to remember her in her last years. I know that is not how she would want us to think of her. Last year, Hospice was selling beautiful butterfly ornaments at the mall for fundraising. They were so good to my mom, I bought one on the spot. I don't know why, but it just reminded me of her and made me happy.
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My condolences to you.

Give yourself time to heal. Being a little numb is OK right now. Draw strength from your husband's love.
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((((((hugs)))))) trista. When someone passes feeling numb is normal. Is there a grieving group in your community you could go to - if not now. later. It may be too soon now. Just do what you have to do. I imagine there are things of your mother's that need sorting out. It is the last work you will do for her, other than honour her memory in the coming years. Look after you, spend time with your husband as you can now. Give yourself a break -you have been working hard and grief is hard work too. Plan a simple Christmas, and remember her at that time. Your life will come back together again. Right now you are in shock. Be good to you - you have done well. ((((((hugs))))Joan
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Concentrate on doing things with your husband. Build back the time you lost with your husband caring for your mother. It takes time to heal from loss, but it does get easier. Making a memory book about her might help. Scrapbooking is very theraputic.
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I jest wanted to let everyone know my mom passed away on Tuesday the 11 of Dec right now I'm lost I don't know what to do and I feel numb anyone who.lost someone can you give me advice on what to do now
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Things are going a little bit better even though we are still not getting the time we need her husband is still here but plans on leaving again soon which will make things so much better even though my mom will miss him being physically here he does not give her the physical attention anyway he stays in the other room and only talks to her when he has to i really hope he leaves sooner than later
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It can be very difficult, but if you are doing the work, then you have the right to make the decisions about what you will and will not do. Caring for parents does not necessarily mean you cannot subcontract to others, or to a facility, nor does everything have to be done the way they prefer. Yikes! Since when is anyone entitled to have everything their way! Your marriage always comes first, always. That's in the Bible by the way. So it if is necessary to put parents into a facility, don't feel guilty about it. The local State Dept of Social Services should be able to help you figure out options - always keep in mind that you need to looking for the truth about things - don't just accept someone else's guess about the legal/financial issues.
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Dear Hoping, I hope you had a good night!
I have a tendency to "explain" and "help" and I listen, and I care. I'm getting so burned out--
The MEN I know who have been in this role tell me to stop asking and start telling. To assume my role as leader and calmly explain how things will be and then do them. I think they are right.
What you need is respite. I'm not sure you will get it, but I see you are burned out. Having a husband would be great, just don't make everything between you about your relationship with your parents. Find the sparkle you share. You are not going to do your best if the two of you aren't well, so please keep an eye on that.
Hugs for you
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This sounds like what I am going throught. My mother is getting worse and refuses to go to the dr. If i make her she will have an heart attact or stroke. i am trapped at their house about 1/4 mile away from mine. Where I stand is put them both in the nurseing home at a cost of 7-8,000.00 per month and the local home is not a good one. Or deal with this. She would have to be put under to even put her there. I am burn out as I can't go home for just a little while a day she gets scared. I love them but he broke his hip about 5 years ago and will not excerise or anything unless I make him I am running out of steam. going to the store to get them some things I have to run in and run out really fast. My husband is being good about this for he doesn't want them to move in with us which I totally understand. Bringing in outside help is out of the question at this time for my mother would be afraid of them and I would have to stay while they were there so why do it. I hate to give them up and I feel that them dying for me to get a break doesn't seem like a good thing . Sometimes I think it is so hard making it easier to turn loose. Like a teenager leaving home if they didn't act up it would be unbearable. I have tried to get them to move a trailer close to my yard so I could at lease be in my yard but they say no. People say set your foot down but sometimes you can't. Bringing in outside help would be wonderful but it has to be the close family members giving me a break and most of them are busy.This has become a prison for me but I love them and have been the only one in their corner many times they just don't know it. They have worked very hard and been very honest for me I am coming to believe that you get punished for being a good person. I have a garden and the internet is my only way to the outside world and have given up everything to help them which I know isn't fair but I am at a point I don't know what to do. Just hang in there and do the best i can even thought I know I am not doing it right I am giving it my best shot dealing with people who are so set in their ways is a problem. Hope everyone has a good week-end. Hang in there for this is the hardest job in the world.
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If your mother is bedridden and needs so much help that your husband stays up with her until she falls asleep, how can she kill herself? And if she gets mad about the decisions you make for yourself and your husband and your marriage, what can she really do to you? She'll just have to feel angry for a while. She won't feel angry forever.

It's hard in our twenties to do things our parents don't agree with or that they don't like. But part of growing up is learning that they ahve their feelings and we have ours and they won't always be the same.

What good does it do your mother for you to be around all the time? Especially if there are other people coming by to do things, too? It won't hurt her if you set more boundaries so you can live your own life while still taking care of her.

I wish you strength to do the things you have to do.
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