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If the siblings would not be too opposed to it, maybe some sort of a family intervention could be conducted by a mental health professional or a social worker. At least, if someone could educate the siblings about dementia. I wish that intervention was available back when we could have used it. My sibling was in denial of mom's dementia and threatened to disown me and have the will changed if I dared put mom in a home. Thankfully, nothing ever came of that, but, at least, if a neutral party could educate the siblings. If the siblings don't wish to speak to a therapist/social worker, could you give them some literature on dementia to read?

It can be difficult breaking through the denial that family members can have. They can want to deny the dementia in another family member for many reasons....maybe it hits too close to home and is scary to admit, they don't want to admit that the person is really no longer "himself", they feel they are dishonoring that person for saying that he has dementia. Talking frankly and with concrete explanations can help to educate other family members about dementia. And LME's suggestions are great. Maybe your mother's doctor could assist you by making a diagnosis which would indicate that a nursing home would be an appropriate placement for her.

You are right. It IS best for her, and for you! When I read something like this I often wonder: Have any of the OTHER siblings actually cared for the person? It is doubtful that they have! They do not understand the level of care that is necessary for a person with dementia/Alzheimers, IF you do it right!! It is a 24 hr a day job that doesn't stop. And you can't just leave them alone while you sleep or bathe, or shop, or sleep or bathe, or eat........

Educating your siblings is only possible if they WANT to be educated and actually READ the information you give them. This is not always possible UNLESS you call a family meeting. This was NOT possible in our family.

Perhaps if you can tour some facilities with any of your siblings that would help, or even 'one' at a time they should see that the level of care they get is excellent.

Here is another suggestion (that I am sure you will not want to do,but it may shake them up). Let them know that YOU need help caring for Mom and that they are going to have to have Mom move in with them for an extended period of time. I know you would not want to do this (I didn't) but it may just make them think about how their lives would be impacted.

You will need to have DPOA (durable power of attorney) and healthcare proxy to move ahead with your plans. If you don't have either, go for GUARDIANSHIP of your mother so you can make decisions for her without opposition. Talk to an elder lawyer and get all this in place.

Then look at facilities that are near to you and has the rating you are looking for. Make sure that you tour the facility (unannounced) during meal times and other times during the day. Ask about their visitor policies after your tour, and what services they offer. Even after your mother is placed,you will still need to be a BIG part of her life/routine to make sure she is getting the care she needs, has the things she needs to live comfortably. And being close to the facility affords you the convenience of taking care of business easily.

I am so glad that my mother is in a facility that cares for her 24 hrs a day. But it took a significant event (ER VISIT) after being with my brother to get her there! After only 32 days he realized that he could NOT care for Mom, and all those statements of how Mom will "NEVER" be in a nursing home while I am alive statements disappeared!

When Mom was here, there were days when I would not sleep because her 'schedule' was off. In a good facility there is STAFF there 24 hrs a day to watch over her, and they are not sleep deprived! (Even if they are, they have relief in 8 hrs when the shift change happens).

Again, you are making the right decision! And if your siblings don't agree with be it. You DO Know what is best for your mother and as long as you continue to 'care' for her even after her admittance, you will be doing ALL you can for her well being! Hope all goes well for you and Mom!!

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