I wanted everyone to know that whomever you put on the living will as secondary, really has no say in what happens to you. I just went through this with my brother. I lived with mom and I was second on the living will as he is older and a doctor. He hadn't seen mom in over 7 years though and had talked to her once a year. She just never changed the living will to me. I thought I would also have a say as I was second on it. I HAD NO SAY AT ALL. I want all to know how this works so you don't have to go through the pain that I went through because he didn't follow mom's wishes. Mom passed away yesterday despite my brother saying he was going to let her linger another 4 months just in case. She left on her own terms but..I was ready to call the state omsbudsman and have an ethics meeting at the nursing home. I changed my living will to say and/or. May not be the best solution but it tells them that either person can make decisions. Love your elderly loved one as much as you can. Believe it or not, you will miss them and their complaining etc.