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Many believe that some people know when the end is near. And some believe that the loved one has some control over when they go.They either wait for a certain loved one to arrive or wait until everyone is gone so that they can die alone.


Well, we will see if this has any merit. Mom just told me that she will not be here into the morning (she is in the hospital). I asked her where she was going to be and she replied "in the ground". I asked her if she meant that she was going to kick the bucket tonight and she said "yes". She told me that "they" had come in earlier and prepared her for death.


I asked her just how she expected it to happen and she told me that two large football players will come in and tackle her. I asked her did she mean to say that two large football players were going to come in and wrestle her to her death and she replied "yes".


OK, we will know in the morning if she was right. And, by God, if the hospital calls me tomorrow and says "Mrs Mom2Mom, here is what happened, there were these two football players....". I am going to fall out.

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M2M, I am so sorry, but relieved for her and you that it was peaceful. I hope you will have some time to decompress after this, and that you feel a sense of peace for everything you did for your mom.
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M2M, I am so sorry. You did so much for her and she is very proud of you! She went in her own time and quietly.
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m2m - godspeed to your Mum.

Such a strange dance - this aging and end of life journey. Holding on and letting go is confusing choreography.
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Not totally wrong, m2m. She knew she was going. Maybe she dreamed the football players. You will never know. I am glad she went peacefully in her sleep. That offers some comfort. ((((((((hugs))))))
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Mom got it totally wrong. She was off by about ten days and there were no football players involved. She ended up going in her sleep.
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More (((((hugs)))))
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(((((((Hugs)))))))
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M2M, please know that I am thinking of you during this very stressful time, and that when the time comes, your Mom passes peacefully, as both my own parents did, now 13 and 14 years ago. I still miss them desperately, but know that I had the most wonderful of parents ever, and I can live on with the happy memories I have of them.

Regarding your kids, I suggest you leave it up to them, keep the visit short, and gave someone available to take them home, if you decide to stay on with her.

Kids of this age are amazingly resilient, when it comes to death and dying, especially if you have been preparing them for this outcome. Especially if they are particularly close to her.

Be very careful driving, especially because you are tired from lack of sleep, and your mind is racing and distracted. You take care Sweetie!
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Mom2Mom, I'm hoping the football players will be gentle with your mom, and I would not have the kids around to see her pass which is a possibility. There is even a possibility that the footballers would be waiting outside the door to claim her until the kids left, as that is usually the protocol when there is someone present that the patient wants to protect. Good memories are plenty. ((Hugs))
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Mom2mom, just sending you good thoughts and wishing you strength for this evening.
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This is a very interesting subject.

My husband was in the hospital after falling off a ladder onto a concrete floor. He was not exactly lucid. One day he insisted he was dying. He tore his IVs out and said he did not want to prolong it. (The IVs were just for hydration.) I asked a nurse and she said medically there was no reason to believe he was at risk of death, but that sometimes patients know better than the lab reports. Oh dear. What to do? I called his two local daughters. They got their children out of school and they all came trooping down to the hospital. After a few hours he had no memory of the IV event and was not claiming he was dying.

When he did die (20 years later, and with dementia) he knew he was on hospice and he knew what that meant, so in one sense we both knew he was dying soon. But he did not seem to have any particular awareness right before death actually happened.

I don't dispute that some people seem to have premonitions of their own deaths, but that has not been my experience with my father, mother, or husband.
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For myself, I would ask the kids if they wanted to see their grandma. I wouldn't deny them that opportunity if they wanted it, but I would prepare them for what they would see. I think many kids would not want to.

Can you pursue the 2 doctors thing which would (if it exists) put you in charge of decisions? Getting the cooperation of your bros sounds hopeless.

Prayers for peace at this very difficult time.
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12 and 14 - they're old enough for you to ask them, so they can say if they really really want to see her, but I wouldn't encourage them to come now. Tell them the fewer visitors the better in hospitals, and you'll give grandma their love, maybe?

Hope you find her comfortable. Take care, too, all that driving around with too much to think about - look after yourself.
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Mom2, I vote for leaving your kids with their happy dancing memories of your mom. I'm so sorry, this must be unbearably stressful for you.
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My daughter is 12 and my son is 14
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Mom, hugs to you. Bipap is not invasive. We opted for that the last time my mom went septic from a pleural effusion. They wanted to vent her and we refused, so suggested a bipap. Just a thought.

How old are your kids?
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I am itching to get out of work and go up to the hospital but I have a trainee today. I have her taking computer courses this morning, thankfully, so I have been able to field all these phone calls (and play on agingcare).

Now my dilemma is do I take the kids with me later and let them say goodbye or let their last memory of her be singing and dancing to Bruno Mars this past Sunday (we sang and danced, she just looked at us like we ere crazy)?
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Been back and forth on the phone with the hospitalist, palliative care coordinator and the person who was coordinating the MRI. At this point, we are thinking that we should not put her through invasive/uncomfortable tests if we are not going to treat whatever we find.

The hospital is rushing to have her declared incompetent and put me in charge of medical decisions before she needs to go on a ventilator because legally, at this point, they have to if she needs it.

So, hopefully, it all gets in place before that comes up.
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Will they put her on a bipap machine?
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Oh dear (((((((((hugs)))))) to you.
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M2M, have they checked for a perforation in the intestine? My mother went in and her sepsis was related to a bowel perforation that was not found until she bloated like a pregnant elephant. Not a good outcome. My thoughts with you.
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Maybe Mom was wrong about the exact night and the jury is still out about the exact means but according to the calls from the hospitalist this morning, and to continue the theme, the football players look like they are in the building.

The doctors are baffled because they have treated all infections (UTI, sepsis and possible lung) and have done chest x-rays (no clots) but her oxygen continues to dip into the low 70s. Her mental capacity has not shown improvement. They can't figure out why she is declining.
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My mother predicted her death.

She had been having TIA strokes but otherwise was very healthy and active. One night I was fixing her cable tv in her bedroom and she was sitting behind me watching.

She said to me "I can't believe I died before your father". I said WHAT?? You are sitting right here in front of me. You aren't dead. And dad has alzheimer's and is ill...why in the world would you think you would go first?

She pointed to her head (and got a bit teary). She was indicating that her TIA strokes would kill her.

She had been medicated for pain that day due to a fall...she hadn't broken any bones but had a headache. I chalked the comment up to the meds and we continued chatting about other things.

Two weeks later she had a massive brain hemorrhage and died instantly.

I believe she knew she was dying. She talked about it in past tense, as if it had already happened...which really freaked me out.

I would find out later that in the 6 months previous to that, she had been trying to find her estranged brother to give him a small share of her inheritance from her parents who had died decades before. They hadn't spoken in over three decades as he was very abusive to her. She had written him a check and left it in her address book while she was trying to find a current address for him.

My dad said that she had been wanting to make things right with him.

She knew. I believe she knew.

Angel
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Well, I guess Mom was wrong. No calls from the hospital, no football players. Now I can't wait until she is lucid enough for me to tease her about it.
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((((Hugs))))))
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Dear mom2mom,

Sending you love and hugs. I know everyone is different. But I think some people do know when they are going to pass. I'm starting to think that my dad knew. He had asked me about his life insurance policy a few weeks before but I had brushed him off.

I read an article that about 72 hours before a person passes they talk about going home. This happened with my dad. He asked me on a Wednesday why am I still here, I want to go home. He asked again on Thursday and by Friday afternoon he had passed. I only thought he wanted to go back home and continue living. I really had no idea he was ready to pass. I visited him that Friday in the hospital. I could see he was very weak, but I still had no idea. Two hours later the doctor called to tell me.

Thinking of you. Sending you all my thoughts and prayers.
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Not to sound morbid, but I'm jealous that your mom is verbal.

My mom passed 4/12. On Monday 4/10 I spent hours with her and she could barely talk with me she was so tired. On Tuesday and Wednesday the lights were out but I know she could hear me. Nothing but words of love to her. I ran out for a bit and told her I was returning shortly. Of course she died just minutes before my return.

Football players? That's really interesting. Makes me wonder what my mom would've said if she could speak at the time.

I truly wonder what is going through their minds. My dad was non-verbal when he died. His last words were Kung Pao Chicken. It makes me sad to know he was so very hungry at the end. He died a day later.

They have one foot in this life and one in the other, remember that and I pray for comfort for you today and in the days ahead.
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M2m it is strange how some just seem to know. Then I wonder how many times they just seem to know. Maybe looking for sympathy or attention.

Try to get a good night's sleep. Sweet dreams.
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M2M, you're just not having a great night...I'm so sorry. That's got to weigh heavy on your mind.

I wish I could tell you that Mom is just "talking" here....but of course, none of us know when things will turn in that direction for our loved one.

My FIL told us over and over that he was going to die while he was in the hospital and that we had to come get him so he could die at home. (He did pass in our home, but many weeks after making this statement.)
My mother was terrified of being in the nursing home, called me every single day, many times a day, crying and telling me she was going to go crazy in there and I needed to get her out so she didn't die in there. She eventually accepted being there, but those calls have never left my mind.

I know this is hard for you - please know we're here for you if you need us.
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